Pat Warren - The Way We Wed

Just that quickly, Jeff began to fall over the edge and into love. How long had he subconsciously wanted and waited for such a woman? he wondered in the sluggish part of his brain still able to think. The scent and feel and taste of her wiped out the memory of every other woman he’d ever touched. His hands were trapped in the thickness of her hair as her sweet feminine fragrance wrapped around him. How could he have known she’d taste like all his wild dreams, exotic yet romantic at the same time? How could he have guessed she was the other half of him, just waiting to be found?

This time it was Tish who drew away, taking a step back, lowering her head and trying to regain control. Jeff ran a hand through his hair, unnerved to find it unsteady. He’d been wanting to kiss her, hoping to interest her, but even in his reckless dreams, he hadn’t expected either of them to react quite so fervently.

He saw Tish shake her head as if to clear her mind. He thought he ought to say something, though he wasn’t sure what that should be.

“Look, I…”

“No,” she said, “let me.” Eyes downcast, she seemed to search for the right words. “I—I obviously didn’t expect that to happen or that I’d—I’d—”

“Feel so much?” he offered.

Slowly, she lifted her eyes to his. “Yes, exactly. All the more reason why I need to keep my distance from you. I don’t have time for whatever it is you have in mind. SPEAR is very important to me and—”

“It’s important to me, too. But the attraction we feel for one another has nothing to do with SPEAR.”

As if she hadn’t heard, she went on. “SPEAR keeps me focused, grounded, and I need that. I don’t need a fling or a thing.”

Jeff decided to backtrack a bit, thinking perhaps he’d rushed her. “Why don’t we aim for friendship and see where that takes us?” Although he knew he was already light-years past a mere friendship.

Tish studied his face, then shook her head. “No, friendship isn’t what you have in mind. I can see it in your eyes. I’ve noticed for days now that you’ve been watching me and I know what you’re thinking.”

Caught between amusement and curiosity, he stepped closer. “Just what is it you think I want?”

She was quiet, thoughtful, then raised her chin. “More. More than I have to give.”

Jeff thought that over for a few seconds. “Someone hurt you badly, didn’t they?” he asked softly.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Bad enough.”

“So you’re not going to let anyone get close enough to do it again. Is that about it?” When she didn’t reply, he had his answer. Again he invaded her space just enough so she had to look up at him. “What makes you think I’d hurt you, Tish?”

She gave him a long look. “Because you’re someone I could care for. Only people we care for can truly hurt us.”

Jeff wanted to ask who had hurt her, what had happened, but he didn’t want her to close up and back away. She’d admitted she could care for him. He’d work from there. There’d be time for questions later.

He disentangled her arms and took her hands on his. “I won’t hurt you. I swear. Let me prove it to you.”

She closed her eyes, as if fighting her own needs. “Please, Jeff. This can’t go anywhere.”

He smiled then, hoping to lighten her mood. “Honey, it already has.”

She took a deep breath, drawing courage. “No, I’m serious. I can’t get involved.”

His heart lurched. This didn’t sound like good news. “Are you going to tell me you’re married?” Naomi Star at the front desk had said Tish was single, but she could have been mistaken. The man who’d hurt her, was she still involved with him?

She stared into his eyes as the seconds ticked by. “Would it make a difference if I were?”

He didn’t answer her. Instead, he shifted her closer. “You couldn’t be happily married and kiss me like you just did.” But he waited, his breath backing up in his throat.

“You’re right about that and no, I’m not married,” she said at last.

Jeff visibly relaxed. “Then what? What’s wrong?”

She found the middle button of his shirt fascinating as she tried to tell him. “After you left, I talked privately to Slim and asked him a couple of questions about you. I wanted to know some things and—”

“I thought you were going to play chess with Wonder Boy.”

“I begged off from that.”

“Good move.” He squeezed her arms. “I don’t mind if you talked with Slim. I have nothing to hide. Did he say something that upset you?”

“Not really upset me, it’s just that he told me you’ve got a couple of years of residency to go yet and I’m sent all over the world by SPEAR. I don’t think long distance relationships work well and I’m committed to my work.”

“I’m committed to SPEAR, too. I don’t see what that has to do with anything.” Domino chose that moment to give out with a loud whinny. “See, he doesn’t either.”

“No, wait, Jeff, I—”

“No, Tish, you wait.” He leaned down, his face inches from hers. “When I kissed you just now, when you kissed me back, tell me honestly how you felt, and remember, Domino’s listening.”

Her features changed, lightened, as she remembered and a gentle blush warmed her face. “Honestly?” She looked hesitant, then apparently decided to tell him the truth. “I felt like the top of my head was going to take off, like I was walking into a hot, white flame, like nothing I’ve ever felt before.”

Jeff smiled. “So did I, and that’s something neither of us can fake. That’s all we need to know, how we feel now. The future will work out somehow. Let’s try friendship, companionship, doing fun things together. And let’s stop worrying so much.” He bent his head, needing to kiss her again, but her hand on his chest held him at bay.

“You’re going way too fast for me. We’ve just met and—”

“And we just kissed,” he said, interrupting her protests. “And nothing, nothing will ever be the same again. For either of us.”

She released an exasperated sigh. “You’re an incurable romantic, I see. Life isn’t that simple. We don’t all live happily ever after because we’re attracted to someone. I should know. I vowed two years ago that I’d never buy into that impossible dream again. Apparently you haven’t had to face life’s harsher realities yet.”

It wasn’t the way he’d intended to tell her, if at all. His difficult youth and more recent ordeal were, in fact, things he rarely mentioned. But apparently she thought he was the fair-haired prince born with a silver spoon who’d led a charmed life. He had to let her know.

“I suppose you’re right,” he said, stepping back. “I probably haven’t had too many harsh realities. Unless you’d call being born to two alcoholics who did me a big favor by abandoning me at age ten, although living on the streets for four years wasn’t exactly a day at the beach. Then there was a more recent incident where a couple of Simon’s men kidnapped me, buried me alive and left me to die there. Other than that, my life’s been a breeze.”

The shocked look on her face made him wish he hadn’t been quite so flip. But he wanted her to stop thinking of him as some pampered, privileged person.

“Oh, God, Jeff. Abandoned. Buried alive. I had no idea.”

“And I didn’t want to bring it up, but I need you to realize that we all have stuff in our past that makes us who we are. I’m well aware life isn’t simple and that we can’t all live happily ever after. But when someone comes along who touches us, I think it’s a mistake not to pursue that. Do you see where I’m coming from?”

She looked as if she wanted to ask more questions, but then seemed to decide now wasn’t the time. “Yes, I do.”