Lorna Michaels - A Candle For Nick

“Nothing to worry about,” she told herself firmly as she started back to the living room. But her upbeat statement didn’t banish the queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

She found Nick absorbed in moving pieces around the chess board. She didn’t want to alarm him, too, so she hid her nerves behind a bright smile. “Change in plans, pal. I have to leave early. Pack up the chess set and you can play with Grandpa. I’m sure he’ll appreciate your company.” Her father was laid up after a knee replacement and was as bored as his grandson.

A sullen look that was becoming all too familiar settled on Nick’s face. “I don’t want to go to Grandma and Grandpa’s. They don’t let me watch South Park.”

“And neither do I, Mr. Brenner.”

“Yeah, but—” He muttered “Oops” under his breath and looked away.

Mallory wondered if he got to watch the show she’d banned at one of his friends’ homes, but she’d explore that later. “Hurry up, Nick. We need to get going.”

“Why can’t I stay home?”

“I guess I could call Angela and see if she can sit with you.”

Nick threw another pillow to the floor. “I don’t need a babysitter.” His voice rose. “I’m big enough to stay by myself.”

“Not for three hours.”

“If Dad was still alive, he’d let me.”

That hurt. Mallory swallowed a tear and counted to ten. Since Nick had been ill, he’d tested limits and tried her patience constantly. “Don’t go pushing my buttons, young man. Dad isn’t here anymore and you’re not to second-guess what he might’ve said. Now get your chessboard and let’s go.”

Scowling, Nick got to his feet and shuffled after her to the door. She dropped him off at her parents’ with the admonition to “be nice,” then drove to Dr. Sanders’s office.

The waiting room was crowded, but Helena, Dr. Sanders’s nurse, called her right in. A mother with two cranky preschoolers muttered something unpleasant as Mallory walked past, but Mallory ignored her. The knot of anxiety tightened in her chest. What could the doctor have to say that necessitated calling her in ahead of everyone else?

Helena pointed the way to the doctor’s private office, but Mallory didn’t need directions. She’d been coming here since she was a child herself. She went in, and he rose to take her hand and lead her to a small sofa. As she sat, the odor of cherry lollipops, a smell she always associated with this room, rose from the dish on the coffee table.

Dr. Sanders sat down beside her. Instead of beginning their conversation with a joke as he often did, today the doctor was silent and somber. The knot in Mallory’s chest wrenched tighter as he picked up a sheet of paper from the coffee table. “We have the lab report from Nick’s blood test,” he said.

Though her mouth had gone dry, she swallowed. “Is something wrong?”

He set the paper down and leaned forward. Voice softer now, he said, “Nick’s white blood count is extremely high.”

“Does…that mean he has an infection? Or…”

Dr. Sanders covered her icy hand with his warm one. “I don’t know an easy way to tell you this, Mallory. Nicholas has leukemia. Acute myelogenous leukemia.”

The first two words of the diagnosis meant nothing to Mallory, but leukemia. She’d heard that word and from what she recalled, it meant…death.

She felt herself falling, sliding into a deep, dark hole. Though she still sat beside Dr. Sanders, still felt air moving in and out of her lungs, nothing around her seemed the same. Nothing seemed real. The sounds from the hallway faded, the hum of the air-conditioning stilled. Even her own body seemed alien. She saw that Dr. Sanders still held her hand, but she couldn’t feel it. Her nerve endings had frozen.

“Leukemia,” she muttered. “Cancer.” She gritted her teeth. She had to hold herself together or she’d shatter into pieces like a broken glass. “Nick’s going to… Is…is he going to die?”

Dr. Sanders shook his head and patted her hand. “No, leukemia isn’t a death sentence anymore. The majority of children survive. But he needs treatment, and we’ll see that he gets it.”

She nodded. The thought of treatment gave her something tangible to concentrate on. “When can you start?”

“I don’t have the training or the facilities here. He needs a cancer center, a specialist. Gaines Memorial in Houston is the closest and, fortunately, it’s one of the top three in the country. I’ve already called to check on their admission procedures.”

Houston. Away from her family, her friends. But that was inconsequential if the clinic there could help Nick. “How…how soon will we need to be there?”

“They want you there in three days.”

So soon. “Is Nick…” Her voice faded, but she managed to whisper, “Is he in danger?”

“No immediate danger, but they do need to start as soon as possible.”

His voice was reassuring. But, three days. And so much to get done. Her mind swam with fragments of a to-do list. Call Lauri…arrange for someone to help out at the shop…airline tickets…check her insurance policy… Thoughts jumped into her mind, flitted away.

She rose, sat down again. “I…I don’t know anything about leukemia or how it’s treated. I should check the Internet.” She wondered if she’d have time.

Dr. Sanders nodded. “That’s just what I expected you to say, and you’re right. You need to be informed. This will give you an introduction.” He handed her a pamphlet. “There’s a list of books and Web sites, too.”

“What about a doctor?” Mallory asked. “Who will we see?”

“The hospital gave me names of doctors on staff there. I can check them out and recommend one if you like.”

“I’ll trust you to pick the best.”

“Would you like me to tell Nicholas?” he asked gently.

She hadn’t even thought of that. “No, I’ll tell him,” she decided. “He’s at my parents’ now. They’ll help. And afterward—tomorrow maybe—then you can talk to him, explain the…the illness.”

Dr. Sanders nodded. “You’re a strong woman, Mallory. You’ve had to be, losing Dean, raising Nicholas on your own and running a business. Your son is strong, too, and brave. What the two of you have to face won’t be easy, but I have every confidence you’ll get through it.”

“Thank you.” Though she could barely feel her legs, they apparently worked, because she crossed the room to the door. Dr. Sanders opened it for her, but she stopped, grasping at a last shred of hope. “Could there be a mistake? Could the lab report be wrong? Maybe Nick should have another blood test.”

The doctor shook his head. “You’d just be wasting time.”

Time. It could be Nick’s ally…or his enemy. She wouldn’t waste a minute. She hurried to the parking lot.

Her damp hands clutched the steering wheel as she drove toward her parents’ home. They’d help. Her father, rabbi of Beth Jacob, Valerosa’s only synagogue, had sustained his congregants through times of trouble, and he and her mother had been her chief support through the dark days after Dean’s death. She’d lean on them now, and with their faith and courage to supplement hers, she prayed Nick would battle this illness and conquer it.

Half an hour later, sitting beside her son, Mallory took his hand. She forced her voice to stay steady. “Dr. Sanders found out what’s making you so tired. You have an illness called leukemia.”

She’d already told her parents the news. They’d been shocked, but they’d pulled together, and now she felt her mother’s gentle hand on her shoulder. Nick’s eyes widened and his fingers tightened around hers. But he surprised her and his grandparents by saying, “I knew something was wrong. I’m glad to know what it is.”