Renee Ryan - Wagon Train Proposal

That last thought brought to mind another widower.

Pressing a hand to her heart, Rachel glanced in the direction of the river to where Tristan worked side by side with her brother and Nathan. All three men had rolled up their sleeves, but Tristan’s forearms were especially strong and muscular.

She knew he was a carpenter by trade. That certainly explained his dexterity with hammer, chisel and rope.

Watching him now, Rachel’s stomach dipped before she had a chance to prepare for the sensation. She blinked and looked away quickly. Unfortunately, she couldn’t stifle the sigh that leaked past her lips.

“Rachel?” Emma’s concerned voice rang out from the interior of the wagon. “Is something the matter?”

“Oh, Emma, no. I’m sorry.” To her embarrassment, she realized she’d been wasting precious time staring at Tristan. “I was...just—” she swallowed “—lost in thought.”

Hoping to avoid additional questions, she took the stack of folded blankets from her sister’s arms and set the pile on top of a nearby trunk.

Emma stared at her a long moment but thankfully ducked back into the wagon without voicing her thoughts aloud.

For the next half hour they worked in silence, Emma handing Rachel items from the wagon, Rachel finding a place for them with their other possessions.

The sky up above was clearer now, mostly blue and speckled with small patches of fluffy white clouds. A sure sign they’d seen the end of the rain. At least for today.

Not that another shower would slow down the wagon train. Rachel’s fellow travelers were a tenacious, hardworking bunch. With single-minded focus, they completed their tasks quickly and efficiently.

Rachel had witnessed countless displays of teamwork throughout the arduous journey. Though, originally, neighbor helping neighbor had been necessary for survival, the emigrants had become a makeshift family in recent months, sharing highs and lows, joys and tragedies, celebrations and sorrow.

Sighing, Rachel reached for the next load from Emma, a box of dry goods and kitchen utensils. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tristan tie off a rope and then step back to study his handiwork.

Even from this distance, she could make out the furrow of concentration on his brow. Or was that concern Rachel saw in his eyes? She couldn’t quite decide.

He turned his head and focused on a spot farther down the river. He said something to Ben and, a second later, strode off in the direction he’d been looking.

He seemed to have a specific destination in mind with his ground-eating stride—very determined, very sheriff-like.

Rachel glanced ahead of him, past several clumps of men and women working, to where Grant and Amos Tucker were already loading up their raft.

She cocked her head, confused. Surely Tristan wasn’t heading toward the brothers with that hard look on his face. Everyone liked the young men, Rachel included.

Grant, tall and wiry, with dark hair, gray eyes and a thin mustache, was a charmer and very likable. Amos, equally tall but more muscular, with eyes that tended toward greenish-brown, was always the first to offer compassion when someone was hurt or possessions went missing.

“We’re nearly finished,” Emma called out from the interior of the wagon. “Only a few things left to unload.”

Realizing she was staring at Tristan again , Rachel reached out and accepted the next item from her sister.

The moment her fingers closed around the small wooden box, a sense of peace washed over her. Of all the possessions her family had packed in their wagon, the contents of this tiny keepsake held the most value for Rachel.

Perhaps packing the box had been self-indulgent on her part. Nothing inside was necessary for survival; nor did the meager contents carry any monetary value. Yet these had been her mother’s most treasured possessions and represented a connection to the woman Rachel had lost far too soon, long before she was ready to say goodbye.

Watery images of her mother swirled through her mind, moments she couldn’t quite bring into focus.

Her siblings had real memories of their mother. Rachel had only this box.

“That’s all of it. We’re officially unloaded.” Looking pleased, Emma climbed out of the wagon and brushed her hands together once, twice, three times. “I’ll let the men know we’re finished.”

Not waiting for Rachel’s response, Emma headed toward the riverbank, her gaze riveted on her fiancé.

Happy for a brief moment alone, Rachel rounded the other side of the wagon. The children were still circled around Abby, settling in as she began weaving a cautionary tale about a greedy dog and his bone.

Her mother used to tell a similar story. If Rachel closed her eyes, she could almost hear Sara Hewitt tell the tale. Her voice had been as sweet and as musical as Abby’s.

Feeling nostalgic, and maybe a bit sad, Rachel sat on the wagon’s tailgate and spread her fingertips over the lid of the keepsake box she’d insisted on packing. The wildflowers painted on the lid were all but faded. The wood was smooth to the touch.

Overwhelmed with an urge to connect with her mother, Rachel removed the lid and studied the contents inside. There wasn’t much. Several dried flowers, a miniature painting of a famous Philadelphia street, a tin rattle and matching cup, a handful of buttons that must have had significance at one time. And, lastly, the most precious possession of all—Sara Hewitt’s journal.

Rachel pressed her palm to the worn leather binding. For years, she’d wondered what her mother had written on these pages. She’d attempted to read the first entry on several occasions, but something always kept her from continuing beyond the initial opening sentences.

These were Sara Hewitt’s innermost private thoughts. Reading them seemed somehow wrong, intrusive even.

But now that her siblings were engaged to be married and Rachel was facing a future alone, she sensed her mother would understand her need to bond.

Refusing to think too hard about what she was doing, Rachel flipped open the book and read the first few lines.

At Pastor Wellborne’s continued urging, I have decided to write down the thoughts I cannot speak aloud. I find myself both compelled and revolted by the idea of revealing the contents of my heart to anyone, even the Lord Himself.

Rachel flexed her fingers beneath the journal. She’d never read beyond this point before. She didn’t know if she should continue now. In truth, she didn’t know if she could.

And yet, she wanted this connection with her mother. Bottom lip clamped between her teeth, she lowered her head and picked up where she’d left off.

We buried my precious daughter a fortnight ago, yet the pain of her loss is still fresh. I try to be brave. I try to hold back my sorrow, at least until I am alone. I do not succeed. How am I supposed to pretend all is well?

My baby is dead.

Rachel gasped at the pain she felt leaping out of those four words. My baby is dead.

“Oh, Mama.” Rachel checked the date scrawled at the top of the page. November 19, 1822. Her mother had lost the child exactly a year before her own birth.

Had Rachel known that?

She couldn’t remember ever being told about the strange coincidence. Why hadn’t anyone told her?

Why did she sense it mattered? Shrugging, she carefully shut the book, hugged it tightly to her. Her mother’s anguish was so real that Rachel’s own sorrow swelled. And her breathing came far too quickly, in hard, painful snatches.

She lowered her head, thinking to pray, needing to pray. But for whom?

For her mother? The dead sister she’d never met?

A set of raised, angry voices captured her attention. She automatically turned her head toward the river.