Danica Favorite - Mistletoe Mommy

None of the men would suspect that Nellie had the means for so much travel. But she’d been careful anyway. There was no reason she should ever be found.

Luke took a step forward. “We need to continue on,” he said. “I’m not very familiar with Denver, and I have no idea where we would go to be married. If we were in Leadville, I suppose I should ask Pastor Lassiter to marry us. But I cannot, will not, bring myself to ask for his help. I know he wants to, and I know he means well. Many say that he genuinely cares about my circumstances. But I also can’t help but wonder if he’s trying to help me out of his own feelings of guilt. He made the decision to send the ladies to the mine to serve the miners.”

Nellie squeezed his arm and smiled. “I do not know the man, so I cannot say. I hope you don’t mind, but I believe I will leave my judgment of the pastor until I have met him myself. I know you are not comfortable with the church, but it would be good for the children if you allowed me to bring them.”

A sad smile found its way onto Luke’s face. “Of course. I have been neglecting their spiritual education. Diana’s friends have asked me if I might allow them to bring the children to church.”

Luke’s shoulders sagged as he shook his head. “I know my children need to go to church. But if I allow them to go, people will see that their clothes need mending, and though I am not ashamed of my children, they will feel compelled to once again step in and help me. I cannot bear such a thing. I don’t want to hear how my home needs a woman’s touch. Or that this is no life for a child. I don’t want people questioning my decisions, telling me how I ought to be raising my children. Nor do I want their charity. Most of all, I cannot bear the weight of any more of their pity.”

How interesting that Luke was a man of such pride. Though pride was a sin, and Nellie often thought it to be a terrible flaw in a man, something about the wounds in Luke’s pride made Nellie want to hold him tight and tell him everything would be all right. Unlike Ernest, who had reacted with his fists when his pride was wounded, Luke seemed to withdraw into the shame and do everything he could to make things right on his own.

None of this was Luke’s fault. He’d lost his wife, and in some ways, lost his way. The grief would have to be worked out on its own. But Nellie could help with the other things. Their home would once again have a woman’s touch. The children would go back to wearing clean, neat clothing. They would be well fed and well kept, and everyone who saw them would see that the Jeffries family was doing very well indeed.

“You don’t have to bear that weight alone. I promise to do my very best to make sure there is no reason for such pity to be bestowed upon us. In the eyes of everyone else, you are moving on with your life. You’ve given your children a mother to care for them, and I promise to take that duty seriously.”

Luke let out a long sigh as they crossed the street. “Do you know how frustrating it is to be mad at God, to be so angry with Him, and yet want to thank Him for how wonderfully He is arranging matters for your family?” Then Luke shook his head again. “But if it were not for God taking my wife away from me, He would not need to be providing for us now. So how am I supposed to feel? It is still God’s fault that all of this has happened to us. I am still so angry, so hurt, and it seems almost an insult that He’s choosing to remember our family now.”

Anger vibrated out from Luke’s body. Of all the men she’d known with the right to be angry, Luke had the greatest. But in his expression of anger, he did not raise his voice. He did not get violent. Rather, he seemed to be filled with such a profound sadness that only the weight of his bones was keeping him upright.

“I can’t pretend to understand your level of anger at God. But I agree with you—it seems terribly unfair. I won’t always understand how your children feel, but I will offer to them the same compassion I’m giving to you.”

Luke nodded slowly. “I have never known such compassion. You do not understand what a gift it is to be allowed to feel what you feel. You’re the only person who hasn’t tried talking me out of my anger at God. I suppose some might see that as a lack of faith. But I think you know that this is between me and God. It is something I must work out on my own.”

He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. Gently. Not like a lover’s kiss, or even that of a dashing suitor. But something that reminded her of the warm kiss of her sister’s greetings. Comforting. Safe.

“Thank you,” Luke said. “Most of the time, I feel as though I am suffocating from the weight of all that I must deal with. Everyone wants to take it away and make it disappear, but it’s not that simple. You seem to know that. Instead, you are offering me a lifeline, choosing to walk alongside me and giving me what I need without lectures or judgment.”

“I am not one to judge,” Nellie said quietly. After all, hadn’t she done many things others would judge her for? Even as she stole a glance at the man who was to be her husband, her stomach churned at the thought of him finding out all of her secrets. Though she reminded herself that he’d been firm in saying he wanted a marriage in name only, the uneasy feeling didn’t go away. There was no reason for him to know everything.

But as they passed another place that looked a little too much like where Ernest’s creditors had kept her, Nellie couldn’t help but think herself a terrible person for hiding so much from him.

Chapter Three

They took the train to Leadville a couple days later, man and wife. Such an odd thing, how quickly it had all happened. Just a few days ago he’d been a total stranger. But wasn’t that what they’d both sought? Mail-order spouses were also strangers, and Nellie would like to think that at least she and Luke had come to respect one another prior to their marriage.

Had she made the right decision? Nellie stole a glance at Luke, who seemed to be engrossed in reading his paper. Was he really the kind man she thought him to be, or had she misinterpreted the situation? Nellie pressed her hand against the waistband of her dress, where she’d sewn her coins. Though some had told her to sew money into the hem of her skirt, it was more comforting to be able to feel her money close to her. As she wiggled her toes, she felt the other coins, a secondary source of protection. If Luke was not as he seemed, she at least had enough for train fare. Where she would go, she did not know. But at least this time, she had a way out.

Was it wrong for her to have a plan in case things didn’t work out the way they’d hoped? Most people didn’t get married with such a plan. But most people hadn’t been married to Ernest.

Luke patted her leg. Then he pointed out the window. “Look! Leadville is just ahead.”

He craned forward, and if he could have stuck his head out the window, he probably would have. For the first time since they’d gotten on the train, a wide smile filled his face. Though she’d always believed in the saying “Handsome is as handsome does,” she couldn’t help but think he looked handsome, with his blond hair, blue eyes and infectious smile. Fortunately, his looks were not nearly as important as the other things that had drawn her to him. She knew better than to be swayed by a pleasant smile.

“I’m so excited for you to meet the children. I can’t believe I’ve been gone so long. Until this trip to Denver, I haven’t been away from them overnight.” With a sigh, Luke shook his head. “At least not since Diana died. Before she died, before we came to Leadville, I was often away, trying to find work to support my family. This job in Leadville gave me the chance to come home to my family every night. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to see my children every day.”