James Matthew Barrie - The Complete Works of J. M. Barrie (With Illustrations)

“That’s what I’ll do,” muttered Jean, but she said aloud—

“But it micht be that particular rose he liked?”

“Havers, Jean. To a thinking man one rose is identical wi’ another rose. But how are you speiring?”

“Just out o’ curiosity, and I maun be stepping now. Thank you kindly, Tammas, for your humour.”

“You’re welcome,” Haggart answered, and closed his window.

That day Rob Dow spent in misery, but so little were his fears selfish that he scarcely gave a thought to his conduct at the manse. For an hour he sat at his loom with his arms folded. Then he slouched out of the house, cursing little Micah, so that a neighbour cried “You drucken scoundrel!” after him. “He may be a wee drunk,” said Micah in his father’s defence, “but he’s no mortal.” Rob wandered to the Kaims in search of the Egyptian, and returned home no happier. He flung himself upon his bed and dared Micah to light the lamp. About gloaming he rose, unable to keep his mouth shut on his thoughts any longer, and staggered to the Tenements to consult Haggart. He found the humourist’s door ajar, and Wearyworld listening at it. “Out o’ the road!” cried Rob, savagely, and flung the policeman into the gutter.

“That was ill-dune, Rob Dow,” Wearyworld said, picking himself up leisurely.

“I’m thinking it was weel-dune,” snarled Rob.

“Ay,” said Wearyworld, “we needna quarrel about a difference o’ opeenion; but, Rob——”

Dow, however, had already entered the house and slammed the door.

“Ay, ay,” muttered Wearyworld, departing, “you micht hae stood still, Rob, and argued it out wi’ me.”

In less than an hour after his conversation with Jean at the window it had suddenly struck Haggart that the minister she spoke of must be Mr. Dishart. In two hours he had confided his suspicions to Chirsty. In ten minutes she had filled the house with gossips. Rob arrived to find them in full cry.

“Ay, Rob,” said Chirsty, genially, for gossip levels ranks, “you’re just in time to hear a query about the minister.”

“Rob,” said the Glen Quharity post, from whom I subsequently got the story, “Mr. Dishart has fallen in—in—what do you call the thing, Chirsty?”

Birse knew well what the thing was called, but the word is a staggerer to say in company.

“In love,” answered Chirsty, boldly.

“Now we ken what he was doing in the country yestreen,” said Snecky Hobart, “the which has been bothering us sair.”

“The manse is fu’ o’ the flowers she sends him,” said Tibbie Craik. “Jean’s at her wits’-end to ken whaur to put them a’.”

“Wha is she?”

It was Rob Dow who spoke. All saw he had been drinking, or they might have wondered at his vehemence. As it was, everybody looked at every other body, and then everybody sighed.

“Ay, wha is she?” repeated several.

“I see you ken nothing about her,” said Rob, much relieved; and he then lapsed into silence.

“We ken a’ about her,” said Snecky, “except just wha she is. Ay, that’s what we canna bottom. Maybe you could guess, Tammas?”

“Maybe I could, Sneck,” Haggart replied, cautiously; “but on that point I offer no opinion.”

“If she bides on the Kaims road,” said Tibbie Craik, “she maun be a farmer’s dochter. What say you to Bell Finlay?”

“Na; she’s U. P. But it micht be Loups o’ Malcolm’s sister. She’s promised to Muckle Haws; but no doubt she would gie him the go-by at a word frae the minister.”

“It’s mair likely,” said Chirsty, “to be the factor at the Spittal’s lassie. The factor has a grand garden, and that would account for such basketfuls o’ flowers.”

“Whaever she is,” said Birse, “I’m thinking he could hae done better.”

“I’ll be fine pleased wi’ ony o’ them,” said Tibbie, who had a magenta silk, and so was jealous of no one.

“It hasna been proved,” Haggart pointed out, “that the flowers came frae thae parts. She may be sending them frae Glasgow.”

“I aye understood it was a Glasgow lady,” said Snecky. “He’ll be like the Tilliedrum minister that got a lady to send him to the college on the promise that he would marry her as soon as he got a kirk. She made him sign a paper.”

“The far-seeing limmer,” exclaimed Chirsty. “But if that’s what Mr. Dishart has done, how has he kept it so secret?”

“He wouldna want the women o’ the congregation to ken he was promised till after they had voted for him.”

“I dinna haud wi’ that explanation o’t,” said Haggart, “but I may tell you that I ken for sure she’s a Glasgow leddy. Lads, ministers is near aye bespoke afore they’re licensed. There’s a michty competition for them in the big toons. Ay, the leddies just stand at the college gates, as you may say, and snap them up as they come out.”

“And just as well for the ministers, I’se uphaud,” said Tibbie, “for it saves them a heap o’ persecution when they come to the like o’ Thrums. There was Mr. Meiklejohn, the U. P. minister: he was no sooner placed than every genteel woman in the town was persecuting him. The Miss Dobies was the maist shameless; they fair hunted him.”

“Ay,” said Snecky; “and in the tail o’ the day ane o’ them snacked him up. Billies, did you ever hear o’ a minister being refused?”

“Never.”

“Weel, then, I have; and by a widow woman too. His name was Samson, and if it had been Tamson she would hae ta’en him. Ay, you may look, but it’s true. Her name was Turnbull, and she had another gent after her, name o’ Tibbets. She couldna make up her mind atween them, and for a while she just keeped them dangling on. Ay, but in the end she took Tibbets. And what, think you, was her reason? As you ken, thae grand folk has their initials on their spoons and nichtgowns. Ay, weel, she thocht it would be mair handy to take Tibbets, because if she had ta’en the minister the T’s would have had to be changed to S’s . It was thoctfu’ o’ her.”

“Is Tibbets living?” asked Haggart sharply.

“No; he’s dead.”

“What,” asked Haggart, “was the corp to trade?”

“I dinna ken.”

“I thocht no,” said Haggart, triumphantly. “Weel, I warrant he was a minister too. Ay, catch a woman giving up a minister, except for another minister.”

All were looking on Haggart with admiration, when a voice from the door cried—

“Listen, and I’ll tell you a queerer ane than that.”

“Dagont,” cried Birse, “it’s Wearywarld, and he has been hearkening. Leave him to me.”

When the post returned, the conversation was back at Mr. Dishart.

“Yes, lathies,” Haggart was saying, “daftness about women comes to all, gentle and simple, common and colleged, humourists and no humourists. You say Mr. Dishart has preached ower muckle at women to stoop to marriage, but that makes no differ. Mony a humorous thing hae I said about women, and yet Chirsty has me. It’s the same wi’ ministers. A’ at aince they see a lassie no’ unlike ither lassies, away goes their learning, and they skirl out, ‘You dawtie!’ That’s what comes to all.”

“But it hasna come to Mr. Dishart,” cried Rob Dow, jumping to his feet. He had sought Haggart to tell him all, but now he saw the wisdom of telling nothing. “I’m sick o’ your blathers. Instead o’ the minister’s being sweethearting yesterday, he was just at the Kaims visiting the gamekeeper. I met him in the Wast town-end, and gaed there and back wi’ him.”

“That’s proof it’s a Glasgow leddy,” said Snecky.

“I tell you there’s no leddy ava!” swore Rob.

“Yea, and wha sends the baskets o’ flowers, then?”

“There was only one flower,” said Rob, turning to his host.