Fiona Leitch - A Nosey Parker Cozy Mystery

Tony looked at me gratefully and I forgave him for being a helpless wuss. My kind heart will be the end of me one day.

‘Jodie’s right,’ he said. ‘Let’s just go and have a drink and forget about it, yeah? No harm done.’

Cheryl looked for a moment like she was going to open her mouth and unleash such a stream of verbal abuse that it would make a navvy blush.

’‘Ello, ’ello, ’ello, what’s going on here then?’ The man’s voice stopped Cheryl in her tracks. We all turned to stare at the small group of guests who had just arrived in the foyer and were looking on, bemused, obviously wondering if they’d missed the evening’s entertainment.

I took in the appearance of the man who had stolen what was, by rights for an ex-copper, my line. He was in his early sixties, dapper and well dressed in casual but expensive-looking clothes. A Ralph Lauren polo player gambolled discreetly on the breast pocket of his shirt and the chunky diver’s watch on his wrist did not look like a cheap knock-off from the local market. He radiated self-assurance and good humour, particularly if it was at someone else’s expense. Behind him stood another, younger man, good-looking in a cocky kind of way – the sort of bloke you knew deep down you couldn’t trust, but who could probably persuade you otherwise just long enough to get into your knickers. A sardonic smile, almost a sneer, crossed his face as he looked at Cheryl, who had gone uncharacteristically silent.

‘All right, Chel?’ His voice had a mocking, slightly belligerent tone to it. ‘My name weren’t on the invite but I’m sure you didn’t mean nothing by it.’

‘We did send you one,’ said Tony awkwardly. ‘The post round here…’

The older man smiled – he was clearly very amused both by Tony’s obvious discomfort and by the tableau in front of him – and inclined his head towards Mel.

‘Is this the floorshow? I don’t think much of your strippergram.’

Oh, so he was a dick. Good to know up front.

‘That’s really not helping, Mr…?’ I said, in my best police officer’s voice. These things never leave you.

‘Laity. Roger Laity.’ He held out his hand to shake, but my hands were still occupied with holding onto Mel. ‘Uncle of the blushing bride.’

‘Well, Mr Laity, if you and the rest of the group could make your way into the function room, rather than stand there making funny comments, that would go some way towards salvaging your niece’s party, don’t you think?’

He looked at me appraisingly. I got the impression that he expected me to blush or falter under his gaze but then, he really didn’t know me. He turned away and patted Tony on the back condescendingly: you can stand down now, son, the real man of the family has arrived . Tony looked like he wanted to wash and possibly disinfect the spot his uncle-in-law-to-be had touched, and I felt a rush of sympathy for him. All he’d wanted was a nice wedding.

‘Come on, babe,’ said Tony, tugging at Cheryl.

The bride-to-be bestowed a murderous glance on Mel, who deserved it, to be fair, and on me, who didn’t, and then allowed Tony to take her hand and lead her away. But she stopped and turned to me, hissing, ‘Get that … that thing out of my sight or I really will call the police!’

We waited while Tony, Cheryl, and their guests left the foyer and then I led a now docile Mel out of the hotel and into the grounds. We found a bench in a secluded spot near a pond full of koi carp, and sat down.

‘So what was all that about?’ I asked. Mel looked remorseful.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she said, miserably. ‘I tried to talk to her but she brushed me off and I just got this rush of blood to the head.’

‘That was quite a rugby tackle,’ I said. We looked at each other, the image of Cheryl and her hair flying into the air running through our minds, and both stifled giggles.

‘You don’t like her either, do you?’ asked Mel.

‘I hardly know her,’ I said, and she laughed gently.

‘That’s not a no, then,’ she said, and I laughed too.

‘No, it’s not.’

We sat quietly for a moment, letting her calm down and marshal her thoughts.

‘I don’t think she loves him,’ Mel said finally. ‘She’s going to ruin his life.’

‘At the risk of sounding judgemental…’ I started.

‘I know, I know, I already ruined it.’ She sighed. ‘I didn’t do it lightly. And I did love him. I just fell in love with someone else as well.’

‘Your driving instructor.’

She looked at me, surprised. ‘I keep forgetting that everyone knows everyone’s business in this town. Your mum and my mum—’

‘They both go to the OAPs’ coffee club at the church hall on Wednesdays,’ I said. She nodded.

‘Of course. Anyway, I fell for my instructor but I still loved Tony. I wasn’t stringing them both along, I just didn’t know who I wanted to be with.’ She sighed again. ‘If it’s any consolation, I chose the wrong one. She did to me what I did to Tony.’

I looked at her miserable face. I remembered how I’d almost instantly fallen for Daisy’s dad – PC Richard Doyle, to give him his official title, or ‘that cheating swine’ to give him the unofficial one my mum always used – spotting him across the room at a team briefing. He’d just transferred to the station and I had to show him around. I ended up showing him a lot more than that after a few drinks in the pub after work. I hadn’t known he was married at first, and I didn’t care about his wife when he left her because it meant he’d chosen me. I’d been a lonely workaholic and I wasn’t letting him go. Doubtless the woman he left me for – who I was sure was just one of many sad extra-marital conquests – twelve years later didn’t care how I felt, either. It had felt like he’d ripped my heart out and stamped on it. And stamped on Daisy’s, too, because when he left me he left her as well.

There wasn’t a finite amount of heartbreak in the world. It didn’t make any difference how many people suffered from it, it didn’t lessen the sting. I sighed.

‘Of course it’s not a consolation, not to anyone. Not even to Tony, because he’s not like that.’ I picked up a piece of gravel and tossed it into the pond, watching the ripples spread out. I turned back to Mel. ‘But what makes you think she’s going to ruin his life?’

‘She’s not marrying him for love,’ she said firmly.

‘What makes you say that? What’s she marrying him for?’

‘Money.’

I laughed. ‘He hasn’t got any, has he? I mean, I know the shop’s still going after all these years…’

She looked at me steadily.

‘The shop?’ I said. ‘You think she wants the shop?’

Mel shrugged but didn’t say anything. Why would Cheryl want the shop? It can’t have been that profitable; I was amazed it was still going. Smaller shops were closing all the time in seaside towns like Penstowan.

I looked at her thoughtfully. ‘You said to me earlier, was I here investigating them. Investigating who?’

‘The Laity family,’ said Mel without any hesitation. ‘Are you?’

‘I’m not a police officer anymore,’ I said. ‘I’m just doing the catering.’

‘Oh.’ She looked disappointed.

‘I’m still nosey, though,’ I said. I had to admit that my childhood nickname had become quite apt during my years on the force. ‘Why should the Laity family be investigated?’

She looked around nervously. ‘My cousin works for the council. Let’s just say, that family have got plans for Penstowan that not everyone will agree with.’