Chinedu Ogoke - Under Fire

“Not here,” Cos snapped. “I can’t stand not having alcohol around.”

He didn’t understand how things were done in the school, Imoni tried to convince him. Soft drinks bottles and paper cups could be adopted for alcoholic drinks. Wine could easily pass for soft drinks. Wine coming in or taking such container wasn’t dignifying and would adulterate the drinks, Cos said. He said he wouldn’t have any disguise in his party. “I don’t stand for that,” he repeated. “It’s like outside is still okay. A friend of mine can let me have his guest house, and a car. Friends around here can then help out. That would guarantee their admission.... By the way there’s this dud here. Light-complexioned. Handsome, like.”

That was Mickey, he was told. He was one of them, and was still out, partying. “That’s a big guy. It’s like I saw him in towel, clutching a bucket, and entering here, and knew he must be staying here.

“Yea, men,” he was still talking. “Why don’t we try this cassette?” He displayed a cassette. It’s like Mynot and some other reggae artists. He’s my darling artist. Number one on current chart. He’s coming to Lagos. The promoter is promising to introduce us.”

“You know the promoter?” Imoni asked

He laughed. “Why not? Comes to our house.”

With his dental kits, Imoni slipped out. When he came back, some music was blaring, loud. Cos danced and sang while others applauded. Yunusa, too, went out to clean up. Cos stopped dancing suddenly. “I don’t know why some people are so wretched in this world,” he said. “Living Sparingly.” His listeners were watching him calmly. “It’s like, if you don’t have tickets, why come to school to disgrace your family? Look, I entered a room, and can you believe what I saw? Guys pinched with poverty, smoking garri. And that was the second time I was...”

That mention of garri drew protests from all corners. “What’s wrong in that?” Aham countered. “If one has no tickets to throw shagallo at a restaurant, what do you expect one to do? Steal?”

“Then, you should not come to school to suffer. Some students even bring antiques as boxes to school. It’s like you don’t understand what I mean, anyway. Imagine garri, for instance.”

“Does it matter?” Aham asked. “I have zero plan this morning, so if I see garri to fill in, I shouldn’t soak it?”

Disbelief and disappointment showed on Cos’ face. “You would?”

Imoni said he too wouldn’t react any differently from Aham if he had such a wonderful opportunity. The thing being discussed was a delicacy. It was addictive. So, it was a simple guess on whose side he was. He was smiling.

Cos smiled, too. “Please, don’t do it. I know you guys are merely joking.”

Yunusa came in after having his bath. They presented the argument before him. “That thing is elitist in itself,” he replied. “If it comes my way, especially with cold water, and on a hot day, I will dive for it,” Yunusa said, “not to talk of pea-nuts to go with.”

Cos was out with some money. “Please, somebody should go and buy us something. It’s like I can’t stand you guys saying this thing.” But he had trouble passing over money to Yunusa who volunteered to buy the things. “How much do we need?” he asked. Twenty five naira, Yunusa told him. “Are you a swallow?” he asked. “How can you use so much pay? Take ten.” He supplied the money, but took back two naira that was following the first eight. “Eight naira will do,” he said.

“Well.” Yunusa accepted the money reluctantly, and ran off.

Imoni realised Cos’ hurt in surrendering so much money.

“Let me secure my room properly,” he said moments, later, “else guys would shave me.”

“Big mouth,” Aham said. “He’s worth nothing. I fence such guys.”

“He’s as poor as any of us.”

“And Yunusa could be so mean. He understood and hit the guy below the belt.”

“Yunusa is a fox. I guess Mickey isn’t like this guy.”

“Never, Mickey is equal to whatever he claims to be.”

“Let me fetch some water quickly.”

“Okay.”

Aham, and later Yunusa, re-emerged. Imoni’s intention for a quick shower succumbed to the enchanting reflection of bread and margarine quickly put together. The door burst open and Cos came in in restrained fury that easily suggested his suspicion of a possible treachery. “Hey, it’s like you guys could be funny,” he said. “What were you waiting for? You should have been done with the breakfast.”

“How could we do such a thing?” Yunusa asked, as they all sat around the breakfast.

“It’s like I was downstairs when I remembered my cassette. Had almost forgotten the breakfast.” All the while, his greedy eyes hardly strayed off the breakfast.

“That would have been most kind of you,” Imoni said, pouring tea into a tea cup.

Compelled by his greed, Cos swooped on the meal, spreading margarine thickly on bread. “It’s like everywhere, Cos,” he was saying in a mouthful. “Everybody wants my presence at his party.”

“It’s because of your acceptability and popularity. Nobody invites us here,” Aham told him.

“But I can’t honour all of them.”

Cos’ inability to discover the derision in Aham’s statement amused Imoni. “You can’t divide yourself,” he contributed. “Just choose the one’s you can attend and leave out those you cannot.”

“Nonsense,” he said in a muffled voice. “It’s like some people are not even afraid to invite me to their parties. A guy approached me yesterday for his party. From the look of him, despite his mint car, I knew he was an emergency guy. You know these forcing guys. I looked him up, asked him a few questions. It’s like his legs wobbled. I asked him to vamoose before I opened my eyes. I shade him ever since.”

“Isn’t that too harsh of you?” Yunusa asked him.

“You don’t know me, that’s why. I can be snobbish when somebody wants to insult me. It’s like you look at me before you dare invite me. Not every sme sme coming to invite me. Because I know the worth of my presence alone to the party.”

The breakfast was rushed to a quick end. “These guys ain’t seen the grandest party yet,” Cos said, after the meal. “I’m not boasting. It’s like I shall knock everybody crazy with my party. I just need your assistance. I hear Cynthia, Ijeoma and Lara, on one hand, and Olivia on another, want to slug it out. I wasn’t happy like when I heard it.”

“Why? Why weren’t you happy?” Aham asked him, with an amusing interest.

“Look,” he pointed, “it’s too bad for such movers to fall apart. I wept my eyes out when I heard it. Well, I shall unite them. Yes. My part will be a unification party. I swear,” he smiled hopefully at his discovery, “it will unite them. Lara, ljeoma, Olivia and Cynthia, in one party. That is it. Planning ahead of others. Being creative and innovative. Nothing like originality. l guess nobody ever thought of such idea, like.”

“I don’t think anybody has,” Yunusa admitted, assisting Imoni to clear the floor.

Cos looked at his watch. “I have a date with a babe by ten. She’s my girlfriend’s friend. She’s been like itching for her own fare share of the action, and I won’t refuse her.”

Aham was standing up. “That must be kind of you.”

“I can be ruthless like when I choose to. I’ve nothing to lose. Just attend to her and drop her. We were all out together the day before yesterday. Before you knew it, I was already getting into the next episode. I feared myself. Just soaked beyond repair’s. You know what they call CKD. Mummy, I’m sorry.” He removed the cassette, and was going to the door. “Catch you.”

“Yea, thank you for the blast,” both Imoni and Yunusa said.