Laura Crawshaw - Taming the Abrasive Manager

1 Cover

2 Title Page Taming the Abrasive Manager How to End Unnecessary Roughness in the Workplace Laura Crawshaw

3 Copyright

4 The Author

5 Dedication

6 Introduction

7 1 Abrasive Bosses and the Working Wounded It Only Hurts When I Work To Kick or Not to Kick The Costs of Abrasion A Bleeding Heart Is Born Working Wounded on the Last Frontier Armed Defense

8 2 Boss Whispering Boss Whispering My Apprenticeship in Emotional Literacy My Education Continues Definitions and Categories Additional Reflections Abrasive Boss Identification: A Test

9 3 Abrasive Boss Behavior Mark The Big Five Diagnosis: Bastard?

10 4 Bears, Bosses, and Business 1. They Just Want to Go About Their Business 2. Their Business Is Survival 3. Dominance Pays 4. They Defend Against Threats to Survival You’ll Pay If You Get in Their Way Socratic Whispering Crusaders for Competence Actual Aggression Versus Threat Display

11 5 On the Origins of Abrasion Identifying Incompetence: Ducks Versus Quacks Differential Diagnosis and Treatment of Incompetence: The Adequate Boss Approach The Abrasive Boss Approach The Evolution of Abrasion: A Case Study The Lesson: Survival = Competence at Any Cost

12 6 Blinder Than Bats Social Sonar Accurate Empathy Perceptive Pedagogy and Empathic Adequacy

13 7 Why We Don’t Take Bulls (or Bosses) by the Horns The View from Below The View from Above Management’s Mechanisms of Defense (Dis)Trust Building To Flee or Not to Flee

14 8 Can Bosses Change Their (Blind) Spots? See Spot Change Journey of a Greenhorn Boss Whisperer Straight from the Coworkers’ Mouths Climate Change Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way: Evolution of Soft Spots

15 9 Blinders off Collecting Perceptions Beware the Hog-Tie Hitch Presenting Perceptions Don’t Forget You’re a Threat Hearing Hearsay What Works: Presenting Feeling as Fact Disarming Defenses

16 10 Limits on Next: Limits on Making the Business Case Threatening Consequences for Continued Abrasion For Every Action There Will Be a Reaction We’re Doing This for Your Own Good The Case for Early Intervention

17 11 Risky Business Arctic Anxiety Defense Disclaimer Five Strategies for Subordinates and Peers

18 12 The Choice to Change Two Stories

19 13 Ending Unnecessary Roughness With Respect to Respect Curing Conduct Disorders: A Prescription A Final Note

20 Appendix: Are You Abrasive? (Self-Test)

21 References

22 Index

23 End User License Agreement

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2 Table of Contents

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Laura Crawshaw

Copyright © by Laura Crawshaw. All rights reserved.

Published by Jossey-Bass.

A Wiley Imprint

989 Market Street, San Francisco, CA 94103-1741 www.josseybass.com

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, 978-750-8400, fax 978-646-8600, or on the Web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, 201-748-6011, fax 201-748-6008, or online at http://www.wiley.com/go/permissions.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

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