Margie Warrell - Stop Playing Safe

Did finding a deeper sense of purpose in my life permanently eradicate all my fears? Hardly! Time and time again my fears — of not having what it takes, of failing, or looking foolish, of being rejected or exposed as inadequate or having people think I'm ‘up myself’ or ‘too ambitious’ — have risen up and tempted me to play small and safe. But my passion for my work has helped me rise above those fears — to be brave in those moments when I felt anything but. Helping others be braver, to live their own purpose and fulfil their unique potential, became the new metric for which I wanted to measure my life.

Just as a boat under power can handle any size wave if perpendicular to it, there is little you can't do if you have a purpose you believe in. While there's no one pathway for discovering your life purpose, there are many ways you can gain deeper insight into yourself, and a larger perspective on what you have to offer the world. This can make all the difference as you look ahead at what you'd love to do with the rest of your precious life.

Since leaving Papua New Guinea in the late 1990s, my professional path has been anything but linear. I've had to restart my career/calling/business (they're all wrapped up together) on multiple continents as we moved around the world with Andrew's career — from Moresby back to Melbourne, over to Adelaide, off to Dallas, Texas, weeks after 9/11, then up to Washington, DC, back Down Under, up to Singapore, now back to the USA, though this time on our terms.

Sometimes it's been tough going. Yet whenever I've considered just throwing it all in and ‘getting a job’, I've always circled back to the same place … that is (and indulge me in the double negative) — I cannot not do what I do. Such is the pull of my calling.

Figure 2: finding purpose in work

Four questions follow (as illustrated in figure 2) to help you find the ‘sweet spot’ that rests in the intersection between what you care about, what you can contribute and what will be valued most from you:

Passion — What makes you come alive?

Strengths — What are your innate talents and gifts?

Expertise — Where do you make the biggest impact?

Values — How will you measure success?

My two youngest sons, Matthew and Ben, were fortunate enough to be taught by Emmy Bocek when they were in kindergarten. While Emmy had been teaching rambunctious kindergarteners for 30-odd years by the time I met her, she had no shortage of energy or passion for a classroom of noisy little humans. Emmy told me once that she believed she had the ‘best job in the world’. This was self-evident from both her enthusiasm and patience. I was always grateful for her passion (almost as much as I was that I didn't have to manage a classroom of kids every day — my own four were plenty!).

Over the years I've met many people from all walks of life who feel passionate about their work. From sheep farmers and chefs to scientists and beauticians — while how they spend their days spans the spectrum, they all had a passion for what they did that brought meaning to their days and, as research shows, will most likely add years to their life.

So, what makes you come alive? I'm not referring to taking your dream holiday or watching your team win the game. I'm talking about a why that moves up the food chain from being about you to being about something bigger than you. It's about connecting with what you feel passionate about, knowing that when you focus your attention and effort on something that puts a fire in your belly — that draws on your innate talents — you will have an invaluable and unique influence on all those your work impacts.

There's no reason to feel daunted. You don't have to declare at this point that you want to cure cancer, invent the next iPhone or solve the world's energy problems (though you might). This is about doing something that lights a spark and inspires you in some way. In fact the word ‘inspire’ comes from the Latin inspirare, which means ‘to breathe or blow into’. So when you think about something that really lights you up, you will feel a sense of ‘new life’ breathing … awakening … within you.

For instance, my friend Ron Kaufman has a passion for uplifting service. In fact he wrote a book with that title. Yet his passion for service is far more than a commercial venture. Ron lives and breathes what it means to be of service in the world — it permeates every part of his life. You cannot be in Ron's presence without feeling lifted up and cared for. As Ron shared on my podcast, his whole life is about putting the heart of others at the heart of what he does.

So what about you — what do you care about? If you don't feel a burning passion that's totally fine. In which case, just think about what makes you feel that bit more alive than you might otherwise. Whatever it is … move towards it. Passion is just a word. It's the energy you feel that matters.

When I returned to study Psychology in my late 20s I had no idea my work would evolve as it has — to coaching, keynote speaking, writing books and sharing insights as a ‘media commentator’. Yet as I have discovered, when you move in a direction that calls to you — that gives you energy vs sapping it from you — new horizons of possibility open up that you could never have imagined had you stayed where you were. As Martin Luther King Jr once said, ‘You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.’

In The Element, Sir Ken Robinson wrote that our element is the point at which natural talent and skill meets personal passion. When people are in their ‘element’ they are both more productive and successful.

Your task here is to identify the things you've always been good at, sometimes making you wonder why other people find them so hard. Are you able to see patterns and opportunities amid complexity and uncertainty that others can't? Are you an amazing listener who is able to take in different perspectives and synthesise a way forward? Are you naturally creative, adept at finding ‘out of the box solutions’? Are you a natural-born rebel with an ability to identify where the status quo needs disrupting? Are you brilliant in the details, able to execute with a precision that others find tedious? Are you a natural deal-maker, technocrat, diplomat or entrepreneur?

Of course you may not have sharpened the strengths to the extent required to achieve your boldest goals. But that doesn't mean you lack anything but practice. The good news here is that most people do not aspire towards ambitions for which they have no real talent (and those who do tend to gravitate to televised talent shows).

The flipside is also true.

I've always been uncannily good at mental arithmetic. Maybe from my years working in a milk bar serving meat pies and making shakes, and later in pubs pouring beers, where I could add up the amount due faster in my head than on a register. But I've never had any interest in pursuing a career that involved focusing on numbers. As you might guess, people are my passion. That said, I'd have enjoyed being a professional singer — think Barbra Streisand meets Lady Gaga. But a marked absence of Barbra-Gaga-like talent meant that was not to be. While I did spring a surprise song on Andrew at our wedding, our kids will happily assure you their mother was never destined for the shortlist of A Star Is Born .