William Shakespeare - King Henry the Fourth, Part 1

FALSTAFF

Yea, and so used it that were it not here apparent

that thou art heir apparent--But, I prithee, sweetwag, shall there be gallows standing in England whenthou art king? and resolution thus fobbed as it iswith the rusty curb of old father antic the law? Donot thou, when thou art king, hang a thief.

PRINCE HENRY

No; thou shalt.

FALSTAFF

Shall I? O rare! By the Lord, I'll be a brave judge.

PRINCE HENRY

Thou judgest false already: I mean, thou shalt have

the hanging of the thieves and so become a rare hangman.

FALSTAFF

Well, Hal, well; and in some sort it jumps with my

humour as well as waiting in the court, I can tellyou.

PRINCE HENRY

For obtaining of suits?

FALSTAFF

Yea, for obtaining of suits, whereof the hangman

hath no lean wardrobe. 'Sblood, I am as melancholyas a gib cat or a lugged bear.

PRINCE HENRY

Or an old lion, or a lover's lute.

FALSTAFF

Yea, or the drone of a Lincolnshire bagpipe.

PRINCE HENRY

What sayest thou to a hare, or the melancholy of

Moor-ditch?

FALSTAFF

Thou hast the most unsavoury similes and art indeed

the most comparative, rascalliest, sweet youngprince. But, Hal, I prithee, trouble me no morewith vanity. I would to God thou and I knew where acommodity of good names were to be bought. An oldlord of the council rated me the other day in thestreet about you, sir, but I marked him not; and yethe talked very wisely, but I regarded him not; andyet he talked wisely, and in the street too.

PRINCE HENRY

Thou didst well; for wisdom cries out in the

streets, and no man regards it.

FALSTAFF

O, thou hast damnable iteration and art indeed able

to corrupt a saint. Thou hast done much harm uponme, Hal; God forgive thee for it! Before I knewthee, Hal, I knew nothing; and now am I, if a manshould speak truly, little better than one of thewicked. I must give over this life, and I will giveit over: by the Lord, and I do not, I am a villain:I'll be damned for never a king's son inChristendom.

PRINCE HENRY

Where shall we take a purse tomorrow, Jack?

FALSTAFF

'Zounds, where thou wilt, lad; I'll make one; an I

do not, call me villain and baffle me.

PRINCE HENRY

I see a good amendment of life in thee; from praying

to purse-taking.

FALSTAFF

Why, Hal, 'tis my vocation, Hal; 'tis no sin for a

man to labour in his vocation.

Enter POINS

Poins! Now shall we know if Gadshill have set a

match. O, if men were to be saved by merit, whathole in hell were hot enough for him? This is themost omnipotent villain that ever cried 'Stand' toa true man.

PRINCE HENRY

Good morrow, Ned.

POINS

Good morrow, sweet Hal. What says Monsieur Remorse?

what says Sir John Sack and Sugar? Jack! howagrees the devil and thee about thy soul, that thousoldest him on Good-Friday last for a cup of Madeiraand a cold capon's leg?

PRINCE HENRY

Sir John stands to his word, the devil shall have

his bargain; for he was never yet a breaker ofproverbs: he will give the devil his due.

POINS

Then art thou damned for keeping thy word with the devil.

PRINCE HENRY

Else he had been damned for cozening the devil.

POINS

But, my lads, my lads, to-morrow morning, by four

o'clock, early at Gadshill! there are pilgrims goingto Canterbury with rich offerings, and tradersriding to London with fat purses: I have vizardsfor you all; you have horses for yourselves:Gadshill lies to-night in Rochester: I have bespokesupper to-morrow night in Eastcheap: we may do itas secure as sleep. If you will go, I will stuffyour purses full of crowns; if you will not, tarryat home and be hanged.

FALSTAFF

Hear ye, Yedward; if I tarry at home and go not,

I'll hang you for going.

POINS

You will, chops?

FALSTAFF

Hal, wilt thou make one?

PRINCE HENRY

Who, I rob? I a thief? not I, by my faith.

FALSTAFF

There's neither honesty, manhood, nor good

fellowship in thee, nor thou camest not of the bloodroyal, if thou darest not stand for ten shillings.

PRINCE HENRY

Well then, once in my days I'll be a madcap.

FALSTAFF

Why, that's well said.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, come what will, I'll tarry at home.

FALSTAFF

By the Lord, I'll be a traitor then, when thou art king.

PRINCE HENRY

I care not.

POINS

Sir John, I prithee, leave the prince and me alone:

I will lay him down such reasons for this adventurethat he shall go.

FALSTAFF

Well, God give thee the spirit of persuasion and him

the ears of profiting, that what thou speakest maymove and what he hears may be believed, that thetrue prince may, for recreation sake, prove a falsethief; for the poor abuses of the time wantcountenance. Farewell: you shall find me in Eastcheap.

PRINCE HENRY

Farewell, thou latter spring! farewell, All-hallown summer!

Exit Falstaff

POINS

Now, my good sweet honey lord, ride with us

to-morrow: I have a jest to execute that I cannotmanage alone. Falstaff, Bardolph, Peto and Gadshillshall rob those men that we have already waylaid:yourself and I will not be there; and when theyhave the booty, if you and I do not rob them, cutthis head off from my shoulders.

PRINCE HENRY

How shall we part with them in setting forth?

POINS

Why, we will set forth before or after them, and

appoint them a place of meeting, wherein it is atour pleasure to fail, and then will they adventureupon the exploit themselves; which they shall haveno sooner achieved, but we'll set upon them.

PRINCE HENRY

Yea, but 'tis like that they will know us by our

horses, by our habits and by every otherappointment, to be ourselves.

POINS

Tut! our horses they shall not see: I'll tie them

in the wood; our vizards we will change after weleave them: and, sirrah, I have cases of buckramfor the nonce, to immask our noted outward garments.

PRINCE HENRY

Yea, but I doubt they will be too hard for us.

POINS

Well, for two of them, I know them to be as

true-bred cowards as ever turned back; and for thethird, if he fight longer than he sees reason, I'llforswear arms. The virtue of this jest will be, theincomprehensible lies that this same fat rogue willtell us when we meet at supper: how thirty, atleast, he fought with; what wards, what blows, whatextremities he endured; and in the reproof of thislies the jest.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, I'll go with thee: provide us all things

necessary and meet me to-morrow night in Eastcheap;there I'll sup. Farewell.

POINS

Farewell, my lord.

Exit Poins

PRINCE HENRY

I know you all, and will awhile uphold

The unyoked humour of your idleness:Yet herein will I imitate the sun,Who doth permit the base contagious cloudsTo smother up his beauty from the world,That, when he please again to be himself,Being wanted, he may be more wonder'd at,By breaking through the foul and ugly mistsOf vapours that did seem to strangle him.If all the year were playing holidays,To sport would be as tedious as to work;But when they seldom come, they wish'd for come,And nothing pleaseth but rare accidents.So, when this loose behavior I throw offAnd pay the debt I never promised,By how much better than my word I am,By so much shall I falsify men's hopes;And like bright metal on a sullen ground,My reformation, glittering o'er my fault,Shall show more goodly and attract more eyesThan that which hath no foil to set it off.I'll so offend, to make offence a skill;Redeeming time when men think least I will.

Exit

London. The palace.

Enter the KING, NORTHUMBERLAND, WORCESTER, HOTSPUR, SIR WALTER BLUNT, with others