Kimi Turró - I love you, thank you

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It seems impossible to reach the light when you are in the deepest darkness. After experiencing an event as painful as a child's death, you cannot imagine that you will be able to celebrate life again, but today, I tell you it is actually possible. The loss of a loved one leaves a permanent mark on your heart, on your soul and your memory.Going through grief is inevitable because it is the only path that can give you back the breath you need to accept what seems unacceptable and embrace it with love and gratitude. Today, I place in your hands the tools that have helped me transform pain into love. They have given me back the energy to discover my purpose, reconnect with joy and wake up every day feeling grateful for being a witness to this miracle that we call life.

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There was also a touch of the prankster about him, he had a way of making you angry, but in jest, which was also how he showed his affection. But of all the above, what I most treasure is his contagious laugh, one of his greatest virtues; this, along with him being a good person, is what I’m most proud of as a mother, because I think this is the most important part of life.

On the Wednesday afternoon of that fateful week Adrià rang me Mum Im - фото 13

On the Wednesday afternoon of that fateful week, Adrià rang me, “Mum, I’m coming for supper and then I’ll go and watch the match.” I told him not to worry about me, get something for supper and then go off with his friends. “No, mum. I’ll wait for you”, he replied. Some time passed and I rang him and insisted, I felt bad he’d have to wait for me, but he said forcefully, “Mum, I want to have supper with you.”

I finished work a bit early and ran home, excited. It had been days since we’d had any time together. I went home with some soup from the shop and mince meat seasoned with parsley to make meatballs, which was one of our favourite suppers. We worked together preparing the meal. I heated up the soup and he looked for things to use making the meatballs and put them in the pan one by one. As we worked, he suddenly asked me “What are you getting me for my birthday?” There were 29 days to go until he turned 18, a magical date. I guess that was one of the reasons he made so much of that dinner with his mother. I’d recently almost had to plead with him to have dinner with me. His father and I were separated, and Adrià looked for any excuse to be with him. It was all much easier there, there wasn’t so much control. In fact, I accepted this because I thought it was so normal, it went with his age. That’s why I think that dinner was so special.

I sometimes wonder if a part of him knew that this would be our last supper together, or perhaps he just wanted to show he loved me as a way to get what he most wanted, a car. I’d already said that a car was out of the question, he hadn’t earned it. He’d made me angry a lot over the previous year, and he didn’t act like someone who should have their own vehicle. “I’m not going to buy you a car because you don’t deserve it, and you’re not using mine because I know I’ll go into the car park and find it gone.” We had talked about it a lot. I had suggested adding his name to the insurance of the shop van so he could practice. I also remember a sweet hug in front of the fire. Adrià was cunning, the angrier he made me, the more he would butter me up to get whatever he wanted. He wasn’t an angry or bitter person, just the opposite in fact. He got over everything very quickly.

I should mention that, when we sat down to dinner, the tone of the conversation changed. He suddenly seemed to have grown up and was worried about his future. He was anxious. He told me that the professional world was changing rapidly; he thought that some kind of crisis was just around the corner. He told me “Mum, I should study more; I don’t want to end up sweeping the floor of a car workshop. I want to find out about electronics. Work’s getting really hard to find, and I want to go a long way.” I was flabbergasted, it was the first time I’d heard those words. How often had we told him how important it was to study? And here he was, right in front of me, saying everything I wanted to hear. We ended up sitting on the sofa talking about love. His eyes were like small splinters of stars. We talked for a while and I asked him if he was in love. “Ha, ha, ha,” he laughed, “like I’m going to tell you!” I said, “As well as your mother, I’m your best friend.” “Ha, ha, ha”, he laughed even louder, because he found it hysterical that I wanted to know his secrets (he was a little reserved about these things). “Get away!”, he said between his contagious laughs. We ended up laughing and playing there on the sofa, but I didn’t get an answer.

It had been a long time since Adrià and I had shared a good supper, there was no rush to end it and go off with his friends on their adventures. A beautiful memory that was a true gift.

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