Natalie Yacobson - Rhianon-3. Palace in Heaven

Rhianon could hardly turn away from his face to look again at the spot on the carpet where the creepy guest had recently wriggled. It was empty now.

“He was one of my cohorts,” Madael said thoughtfully. “Yes, no, more than that, my right hand. He never understood why we didn’t win, and he’s still searching for the reasons why. He’s also angry with me.”

He didn’t have to explain anything, but as always he did. Rhianon remembered her first encounter with the magic world, all the creatures she’d never believed before, the hideous dwarves and goblins and beautiful fairies, each one hiding some tiny ugliness, all telling her the same thing.

“They’re all mad at you for being beautiful, and they’re not,” Rhianon touched the disheveled wheat curls gently, checking to see if they burned her, then pulled his head toward her, and he didn’t resist, seemed glad, in fact, and she liked to study what for all the magical world was a rarity – his beautiful face, his head, his shoulders, the intricate plates of bracelets on his wrists, they were afraid of him because he burned them, but he let her be so close to him.

“I was prettier once,” he admitted through sheer force.

“That was hard to believe.”

“When the battle first started they listened to me because I was part of the sun, it burns your eyes and you can’t disobey it when you stand next to it, but then… now they hate me.”

“So what is it?” Rhianon tried to forget the way the fairies’ hands caressed her there in the forbidden palace, the way their wings gently wrapped around her waist. They were not as good as the one who had doomed them to exist and mischief in the world of mortals. Once here, they had only the entertainment of plotting against humans. At least they have some kind of freedom. Let them live as they please. Why regret them or try to please them again.

“I love you alone. Isn’t that enough?”

He looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. He looked at her as if he had never seen her before, and yet he knew that no one had ever told him or wanted to hear her say it. He was used to the fact that he had to be alone. Perhaps God condemns to loneliness all those who were too close to him, because since he himself cannot get what he wants, no one else should either. But now it turned out differently than he had decreed.

“You are all I have.”

Madael pulled her to him, into an embrace like the coolness of water. You feel the same way when you dive into a clear pond where lilies grow and fragrant. And you can drown there, but as long as you stay on the water it feels so good. Sometimes his body exuded almost no heat, and sometimes it was like a red-hot ball of fire. Everything depended on the slightest change in his feelings. Now he was calm and even seemed happy.

“I promise that no uninvited guest will ever come in here again. No one will disturb you unless you want them to. Do you remember how to summon my servants?”

She remembered to clap her hands to make food appear on the table by itself and the things she needed materialize out of thin air. She remembered how to extinguish candles and call black winged creatures into the circle of light. With certain gestures or movements she could invite anyone whose master was him, sometimes she did it by accident, but now he was not against having his servants serve her as well. All of them, though frightening at first, were easily obeyed when they learned that she was here at their lord’s behest. She only wanted to ask how to summon him herself.

What if it could not be done, for he could not in the heat of battle drop everything and rush to her. Though she had no doubt that was exactly what he would do. He would just abandon the battle to his fate and end up here.

The embrace grew tighter. Rhianon remembered the destructive embrace of the forest springs, when nymphs, naiads, and mermaids summon lost mortals who have taken a fancy to them. They were amorous and would easily lure into the bowl whoever they wanted to caress. She, too, was initially lured, led astray, and all in order to offer her one beautiful unearthly embrace. Even though it all leads to the same fatal outcome as in the stories of maids of honor, it felt so good to her now. She had always dreamed of that.

“Madael, I love you,” whispered she

He did not laugh, though it was funny. Who could love such a cursed and forsaken creature as he was? His lips opened slightly, but he answered nothing. Everything he wanted to say, she felt as it were, all his love unsolicited and unnatural. He embraced her with his arm and wings, he was more beautiful than anything and everyone on earth, his body glowing peacefully with a golden-white ghostly glow, while inside everything was tense with rebellious conflicting feelings. There was no peace in him, he preferred war, but now…

“I will fight anyone and anything for you,” he promised. “I can fight, Rhianon, I know how to fight. I know how to win.”

“How it is in heaven, then?” She wished she hadn’t said that; it hurt him instantly, and it was transmitted to her. He gripped the hilt of the cleaver so tightly that his fingers, so long they curled almost twice around the hilt, turned white.

“That was a long time ago, but it was,” he reminded himself firmly. “Nothing can be changed.”

“You could have kept things in balance.”

“I don’t want any more,” he suddenly relaxed, tense as a string, he made up his mind and his skin glowed even brighter.

“What do you want?”

“I want you, princess, if peace must be made, then both sides must get something out of it, I don’t need forgiveness anymore, I will ask you.”

“What is it for?” She asked seriously. Why indeed, for there is no human desire in him. Why does he suddenly need her so much?

“I don’t know,” he admitted honestly. And it sounded like a divine revelation, something like the fact that an angel cannot comprehend the nature of himself.

Madael frowned thoughtfully, as if he had something else to say, but didn’t know how to put it into words.

“No one ever loved me,” he finally admitted. “And I was considered a favorite of God, but there was no affection, no warmth, only honor and a lack of something I needed. I didn’t know what it was, but I lacked it so much that everything became a torment.”

He ran his fingers lower on her shoulder, making sure he didn’t accidentally forget and squeeze the fragile neck.

“It is better to be unnoticed by a god than to be his favorite, because he condemns his lovers to suffering.”

She remembered everything that had happened to her and barely nodded, he was right, the suffering was overwhelming. And there was always one question why. Why did she always endure where others won? If all the trouble poured out on her was a manifestation of being chosen and of heavenly love, then she would have preferred to do without both. But not without what was happening now. That was exactly what she was not supposed to do, but it could be gladly accepted. Sin was a beautiful thing and so sublime. But she couldn’t call it sin. Only hypocrites would call it that. Rhianon gripped her arm around his waist, pulling him tighter against her shoulder. The wing behind him trembled slightly, but it felt good to lean her back against it. It was feathery and mighty to the touch, softer than the hides that lined the floor of the tent.

“What do you mean?” She asked. She’d learned the truth about him, but not about herself. She could never boast that she had the right to consider herself the favorite of the Almighty. On the contrary, God must have hated her very much, for he had taken from her everything she valued. Of course, there was also the dream of heaven… of being expected there. Rhiannon remembered the long staircase, infinitely high, but she didn’t want to think about it now.