Дуглас Престон - Jennie

I started to get pissed off. I said, “Look, I’ve got a right to see her. Now!”

He hemmed and hawed and went into more explanations. He wanted to know if my parents knew I was there. I said that was none of his business. He said he wouldn’t call them unless I wanted him to. He understood my reasons for being here, on and on. Still trying to be cool, still feeding me bullshit.

Then he went into this business about what “right” did I have to see her. My family had given up all “rights” when we gave Jennie to the center. He didn’t quite put it that way, but that was the idea.

That really made me mad. I said, “I’m not talking about legal rights. I’m talking about moral rights.”

Nothing would shut that asshole up. He went on and on about whose right was higher, Jennie’s to become adjusted to her new life or my right to see her and possibly wreck everything. They had a “duty” to see that Jennie had a happy life. On and on. I realized that I was on the wrong track, that nobody could outtalk that scumbag.

So I tried something different. I said, “This place is going to be turned upside down if you don’t let me in there.”

Oh, he understood, oh sure, why I was upset. And he sympathized. But let’s not do anything rash that we might regret. Oh no. Finally he said that she was very upset right now. A danger to herself and others. Even if he thought it would be a good idea to let me in, it would be too dangerous. She might accidentally, in her excitement and frustration, hurt me.

I just said, “Bullshit.” Can you believe he was talking to me like that, me who had grown up with her and known her all her life? I just stared at him. I didn’t know what to say.

He looked at me and said, “You, of all people, should know just how dangerous an excited chimpanzee can be,” and I could see him glance at my hand.

Well, that really pissed me off. What an asshole. I stood up and said, “I’ll find her on my own,” and walked out the door. He rushed after me and grabbed my arm and we talked on the lawn. The sun was out and I could see a big barnlike building with a row of chain-link cages sticking out along one side. I figured that’s where they had Jennie.

Oh, he knew how I felt. He sympathized. But I couldn’t just go barging in there. Something might happen. I just said to him, “Fuck you. Fuck you.” I shook off his hand and kept walking toward the building. He was saying “Just think of Jennie. For her sake. Just think how upsetting it will be. She might very well attack you. I can’t be responsible for that.”

I just kept walking. Gabriel kept walking alongside of me, and finally he gave in. He said he’d let me into the building. But not into the cage. It was really too dangerous. I had to promise not to go near the cage. He had to remind me I was a guest of the center. Et cetera. I didn’t say a word. I just kept heading for the building.

We had reached the door. I said, “Let me in.”

He was dancing around with the key, and he tried to make me promise not to go near the cage. I didn’t say a word.

He stuck the key in the door. The minute his key made a noise Jennie started to scream. Jesus. I’d never heard her scream like that. It made my skin crawl. It was like... like she was being tortured. She was choking and hammering on the bars. When the door opened she was in the far corner of her cage, shrieking and banging on the bars. She would run out of air and there would be a choking silence and then she would scream again, her eyes squeezed shut. She started hitting herself on the head with her fists. I couldn’t believe it. Jesus Christ, I couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t even see us, she was in such a frenzy. There were bald spots all over her where she’d been pulling out hair. And her fur was kind of a dull brown, not the usual glossy black color. And she had this big potbelly. Emaciated with a big unhealthy-looking belly sticking out, like those starving kids in Africa. God, I hardly recognized her. It was sickening what they’d done to her.

I was so angry, I could hardly get the words out. I told him to let me in the fucking cage.

He was saying, “Wait, you promised.”

I hadn’t promised a fucking thing. I started toward the cage.

He started to shout. “Stay back! She’ll try to grab you through the bars.”

That’s when I suddenly realized that this macho pumped-up Great White Hunter was actually afraid of Jennie. He was scared shitless of her! You should’ve seen him.

Jennie wasn’t even looking at us. She was in such a fury I don’t even think she was aware of her surroundings. She didn’t know it was me.

I just said, “Gimme the keys.”

He was going on and on. “She’ll hurt you,” he said. “Look at her!”

So I grabbed the motherfucker and twisted his arm behind his back. And I shoved him toward the cage.

He really started to scream “What the hell are you doing! Help! Security!”

Look at me. I’m no big tough guy. I’m actually kind of a wimp. I’ve never been in a fight in my whole life. And this guy was just paralyzed with fear. [Laughs.] I suppose I did look pretty intimidating, with my long hair and scraggly beard, covered with dirt and mud. Yeah, I must’ve looked like some crazed biker. Gabriel didn’t even struggle. He was, like, flabby with fear.

When Jennie saw us close, she ran straight to the bars. Still in a total frenzy. Slammed herself against them, she was so anxious to kill the bastard. Reaching out and screaming and baring her teeth with her big canines flashing.

He was screaming his fucking head off. “No! She’ll kill us both! Let go!”

I said to him, real calm. “If you don’t gimme the keys, I’ll push you right up against the bars.” And I started shoving him forward. I can’t believe what I did. I was just crazy I was so upset.

He was slack with fear. “In my side pocket!” he yelled. “They’re in my side pocket!”

There they were, a big bunch of keys. Dozens of them. One for every fucking cage on the place.

I yelled, “Which one!”

He was scared shitless, yelling “Number six! Number six!”

I let him go and he stepped back, but he didn’t leave. He just stood near the door, sweating.

Then he said, “You little prick, I hope she bites your hand off this time.” His face was red. He looked like he was about to cry.

I unlocked the door and it swung open and I went in. Jennie saw me vaguely through her ranting and rushed at me with her hair sticking up, her teeth bared. A roar of rage coming out of her throat. She came straight at me. She was ready to kill.

I said, “Jennie! It’s me!” and she stopped dead and looked at me for the first time. For the first time. Then she ran toward me and threw herself into my arms.

Then she started to cry. The tears were just streaming down her face. She was silent, weeping and clinging tightly to me. Her head was pressed against my chest, and she was holding me like she was never going to let go. I could feel her skinny little body shaking with sorrow. Oh God it just — it just hurt so much. We just held each other for a long, long time, and I could feel this pain in my chest like my heart, it was, like, breaking . I was crying too, I guess, and we just held each other and cried.

I don’t know how much time passed, but then there were voices and they were prying her off me and I could feel my buttons popping and my shirt being ripped right off my back by her grip. Then she started to scream that terrible scream again and I... I didn’t know what was happening really — Oh shit — shit — shit — [Editor’s note: At this point Sandy became distraught and the interview was suspended until the following morning.]