Эрин Хантер - Secrets Оf Тhe Clans

I saw a plump black-and-white tom sunning himself on top of a fence, and a long-haired gray cat chasing a butterfly in circles. It looked more fun than hunting for elders or sparring with Fireheart, so on I went.

I was just passing a pale green fence when a gate opened. It nearly scared my whiskers off! A Twoleg female stood over me, and when she saw me, she crouched down and made this odd cooing noise. I flattened my ears and hissed, and to my surprise, the Twoleg went back through the fence, leaving the gate open. Had I scared her off? I poked my nose inside to see. The grass was short, with flowery bushes around the edges. I watched the Twoleg climb some steps and go through the door of her nest. Then, the door opened again, and the Twoleg set something down on the steps. I waited until she had gone back inside; then I crept forward to investigate. It smelled delicious, like fish, only heartier and less slimy. It was pink and sitting on top of a hard white leaf. Next to it was another leaf, filled with something white that brought back memories of the nursery. I realized it was milk.

Before I knew it, I’d eaten and drunk it all. I was hungry! And besides, I couldn’t take it back to the elders. I wasn’t hurting anyone. I knew the warrior code said that we shouldn’t let ourselves live like kittypets. But I didn’t see why we should reject free food. It left more in the forest for everyone else, right? And it was so easy.

I started going nearly every day, whenever I could slip off. Soon the Twoleg let me come inside, where I saw a Twoleg male clomping about. They had a small, yippy white dog. It tried to play with me at first, but it wasn’t dangerous. It was barely smart enough to walk.

Mostly I got hard brown pellets to eat, instead of the yummy pink stuff, but they didn’t taste bad. I didn’t even mind the stale water.

Sometimes I wondered why my mother had sent me away from this life. But I didn’t mean to stay. I still wanted to be a warrior. I just thought I could have both. Well, I learned the hard way that I was wrong.

When the Twolegs caught me and put me in a wire web inside the belly of a monster, I thought that ThunderClan would be pleased to see the last of the kittypets. But I still wanted them to know that I had been taken against my will. Deep down, I was a ThunderClan cat. I wanted my warrior ceremony. I wanted to be admired as a great hunter and fighter. I wanted to go to Gatherings. And I’ll tell you a secret… I was already a little bit in love with Brightpaw.

Fireheart said StarClan led him to me, but I think it was luck that I ran into his friend Ravenpaw near the Twolegs’ new nest. Either way, when I saw Fireheart through the window, it felt like all of LionClan had come to rescue me. I was so happy that ThunderClan wanted me back.

Fireheart was angry, of course. But Sandstorm was nice about it.

Ashpaw was excited to see me again, and the elders loved hearing the story of my capture; I couldn’t help exaggerating a bit. I loved the way they thought I had been on some heroic quest instead of misbehaving.

After all that, I knew better than to go near Twolegs again. And I realized there were parts of the warrior code that I might not understand but that were there for a reason. Seeing my Clanmates listen to my story so eagerly made me want to be a warrior, like Fireheart, who really was a hero.

More than anything, I wanted to be a loyal ThunderClan warrior.

Have you ever loved another cat so much it made your heart ache and your fur tremble?

Feathertail understood me, and she listened to me. Her eyes were the clear blue of her river home. She died saving us all from Sharpclaw. After that, I wanted only to serve my Clan to the limits of my strength, and then to join Feathertail in StarClan.

But then I met Leafpaw. She was patient and kind. Her voice was like water flowing over pebbles, and her scent had hints of wildflow-ers in it.

What was happening to me? How could I fall in love with anyone—let alone a ThunderClan cat—let alone a ThunderClan medicine cat? I know the warrior code! I’ve always been a loyal WindClan cat. I knew that if I let myself fall for her, it could endan-ger my Clan. If my loyalties were divided, how could I be a true warrior? How could I defend WindClan against a ThunderClan attack, knowing that I might hurt her or someone Leafpaw loves?

And medicine cats are especially forbidden to fall in love. She cannot be thinking of me instead of her Clanmates—they depend on her too much. And StarClan might have trouble reaching her if her thoughts were all wound up in me. I knew they would be very angry with us. I wished I could fall in love with a WindClan she-cat—I wished I could feel this way without breaking the warrior code. But there is no cat in WindClan like Leafpaw.

I thought that when we reached the lake and went our separate ways I’d be able to forget her. But first she came to our camp to bring watermint to our sick cats, Morningflower and Darkfoot.

And the way I felt when I saw her—it made me angry to realize how little I could control my feelings. Onewhisker asked me to escort her home. I went as fast as I could; if I spoke to her, my secret might come spilling out. As I left her camp, Leafpaw thanked me in this sweet, natural way, as if I hadn’t been behaving like a badger with its fur clawed off. I had to get out of there before every cat could see what I was trying so hard to fight.

After Leafpaw found the Moonpool, she brought me a message from Feathertail. She said I should stop grieving and open my eyes to the living. What did that mean? Could Feathertail approve of my love for Leafpaw? Wasn’t she angry?

It was raining the night everything changed. Onewhisker was planning to travel to the Moonpool to receive his nine lives. I’d noticed Mudclaw’s whispers and looks, but I never thought he’d try anything so reckless as attack to Onewhisker—and bring other Clans to help him too!

As the battle was breaking up, Brambleclaw sent me chasing after two ShadowClan cats who made a run for it. We tore across the moors and into the ThunderClan woods. Branches whipped at my face, and rain sliced through my fur, but I ran on, determined to catch the traitors and punish them for all the wrongs done to my Clan.

I heard yowling ahead of me, and I crashed through some bushes, and there she was. The two ShadowClan warriors had fallen to their deaths, but Leafpaw was clinging desperately to the edge of a cliff, her claws scrabbling on the slick, wet rock. Her wild amber eyes met-mine, and she called for help. I was frozen… All I could think of was how I had failed Feathertail, how she had died because I couldn’t save her.

But I saved Leafpaw. She brought me back. She helped me shake off the memories as I reached forward and pulled her to safety. We lay there on the ground, gasping for breath, and I knew in that moment that I couldn’t fight my feelings anymore. I loved Leafpaw, and I told her so.

From the look in her eyes, I knew she felt the same way. She said everything I’d been feeling—that this couldn’t happen, that she was a medicine cat. But I could see her heart blazing in the depths of her eyes. I could see how much she cared for me too. I’d seen the same look in Feathertail’s eyes… but this was different. This was more dangerous, more forbidden. There was a feeling like lightning prickling along my fur every time I looked at Leafpaw. And now I knew she felt it too.

I decided at that moment that we would find a way to be together. The future was terrifying, but we would face it together…