Эрин Хантер: Hawkwing’s Journey

But the tightness in Hawkpaw’s chest hadn’t eased. He couldn’t forget how he had failed to save his brother. Leafstar will make me a warrior today, he thought. I should be excited, but I’m not. I feel as if nothing good will ever happen again. His heart was so heavy he could barely carry it.

Hawkpaw slid through the bushes until he reached the foot of the tree where Duskpaw had been buried. As he stood over the mound of earth, a wave of guilt and sorrow swept over him.

“You shouldn’t be there, beneath the dirt,” he mewed aloud. He remembered how lively and mischievous his brother had been, and now he was lying still and silent, with soil clotting in his ginger fur.

“You should be here with me… about to become a warrior!”

In the days since Duskpaw died, every cat had kept on telling him how brave he had been to rescue Pebblepaw. But Hawkpaw didn’t want to hear that, because it only reminded him of how he hadn’t rescued his brother. Not in time, anyway.

Hawkpaw stood beside his brother’s grave, his head bowed, until he heard Leafstar’s voice rising from the gorge, faint with the distance but still ringing out clearly.

“Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey join here beneath the Rockpile for a Clan meeting!”

“Good-bye, Duskpaw,” Hawkpaw murmured. “I’ll never forget you. And I’ll never forget that I could have saved you. I’m so sorry.”

Then he turned and headed back to the gorge.

By the time Hawkpaw had clambered down the trail the rest of his Clan had assembled in front of the Rockpile, beside the water that cascaded endlessly out of the black hole beneath the boulders.

Leafstar stood on top of the rocks, with her deputy, Sharpclaw, beside her. Blossompaw and Cloudpaw emerged to stand at the front of the crowd of cats, their expressions a mixture of excitement and nervousness. Their mentors, Bouncefire and Plumwillow, followed and halted just behind them, and as Hawkwing padded across the sandy floor of the camp to join them, Ebonyclaw slipped into her place with the others.

“Cats of SkyClan, today we have gathered together for one of the most important events in the life of a Clan,” Leafstar began, her head raised proudly. “The making of new warriors. Plumwillow, Bouncefire, Ebonyclaw, have your apprentices learned the skills of a warrior? And do they understand the importance of the warrior code in the life of a Clan?”

“Cloudpaw has worked hard to understand all that,” Plumwillow responded.

Bouncefire gave a brisk nod. “So has Blossompaw.”

“And Hawkpaw,” Ebonyclaw added.

Hawkpaw’s heart lurched. Yes, I worked hard, but what good was that to Duskpaw? I don’t deserve this!

Leafstar dipped her head approvingly and leaped down from the Rockpile to stand in front of the three apprentices. Beckoning with her tail, she summoned Cloudpaw to her.

Cloudpaw stepped forward shakily. Hawkpaw knew that though she was recovering well from her injuries, she still hadn’t built up all her strength, and it was hard for her to stand for long.

He forced himself to push aside his grief for Duskpaw, knowing that Cloudpaw was grieving for their littermate too, and to focus on what was happening.

This is one of the most important moments of Cloudpaw’s life. I don’t want to miss it.

Standing over Cloudpaw, Leafstar repeated the words that Clan leaders had used for season upon season, every time an apprentice was made into a warrior, since the first Clans were formed.

“I, Leafstar, leader of SkyClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. She has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend her to you as a warrior in her turn.” Turning to Cloudpaw, meeting her gaze directly, she continued, “Cloudpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your life?”

Hawkpaw’s heart lurched again as he heard the phrase “at the cost of your life.” Duskpaw never got the chance to take this oath, he reflected. He never got the honor of losing his life to protect his Clan. Instead he lost it trying to get a few scraps of Twoleg food.

Somehow, that makes it worse… and Cloudpaw must be thinking the same thing.

Cloudpaw looked up at her Clan leader, pausing for a moment.

Then she spoke, and her voice was fervent as she replied, “I do.”

“Then by the powers of StarClan,” Leafstar went on, “I give you your warrior name. Cloudpaw, from this moment you will be known as Cloudmist. StarClan honors your courage and your resilience, and we welcome you as a full warrior of SkyClan.”

Leafstar rested her muzzle on the top of Cloudmist’s head, and Cloudmist licked her shoulder in response.

“Cloudmist! Cloudmist!” the SkyClan cats yowled, greeting the warrior with her new name.

Leafstar waited for the noise to die down, then touched Cloudmist’s shoulder with the tip of her tail. “Because of your injuries,” she meowed, “you need not sit vigil tonight. You still belong in the medicine cat den, until you have finished recovering.”

As every cat murmured agreement, Cloudmist dipped her head and moved back to sit with her mother, Cherrytail, who gave her ear a proud lick.

Next, Leafstar beckoned Blossompaw to stand in front of her.

Hawkpaw listened as the ceremony was repeated and she was given the name of Blossomheart.

“StarClan honors your courage and fighting skill,” Leafstar finished, “and we welcome you as a full warrior of SkyClan.”

“Blossomheart! Blossomheart!”

Looking proud and happy, Blossomheart licked her Clan leader’s shoulder, and withdrew to stand with her Clanmates.

Nervousness tingled through Hawkpaw, briefly overcoming even his sorrow for Duskpaw, as he realized that now it was his turn. It wasn’t only because every cat’s gaze would be on him as he went through the ceremony. But he was suddenly aware that a massive change was hovering over his life, like an eagle about to swoop on its prey. He wasn’t a kit anymore, and the prospect of taking his place in his Clan as a full warrior was as overwhelming as if the cascade of water from beneath the Rockpile had caught him and swept him away.

I wish Duskpaw could see this, he thought. He always had a joke to make. I wonder what he would say if he were here now.

But Hawkpaw couldn’t begin to imagine that. Because

Duskpaw wasn’t there, he was under a pile of earth. He’ll never be here again. Hawkpaw knew that being a warrior wouldn’t be any fun without his littermate.

Hawkpaw padded forward to stand in front of Leafstar. She greeted him with a dip of her head, and called on StarClan to look down on him. Then she turned and asked him to take the oath.

“Hawkpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your life?”

Everything that was in Hawkpaw—his guilt and grief for his brother’s death, his determination to honor his memory by becoming the best warrior that he could—surged into his voice as he replied, “I do.”

“Then by the powers of StarClan,” Leafstar continued, “I give you your warrior name. Hawkpaw, from this moment you will be known as Hawkwing. StarClan honors your courage and your bravery, and we welcome you as a full warrior of SkyClan.”

Courage and bravery? Hawkwing thought. Aren’t they sort of the same thing? He wondered whether Leafstar thought that there was only one good thing about him. And am I really even that brave?

As the Clan acclaimed him by his new name, Hawkwing felt his pelt prickle under some cat’s gaze and spotted Sharpclaw staring at him. Ever since Duskpaw’s death, Sharpclaw had been cold, and though he had never said as much, Hawkwing knew that his father blamed him just as he blamed himself. He raised his head to look directly at Sharpclaw, and knew that he was thinking of Duskpaw too: Duskpaw, who would never have another name, who would never be anything but dead.