Эрин Хантер - The Apprentice's Quest

Bramblestar nodded to the two medicine cats. “Leafpool and Jayfeather saw your new destiny in a vision.”

“But I can’t !” Alderpaw had never in his wildest imaginings thought of being a medicine cat. I’d be even more useless at that!

Besides, he couldn’t really believe in this vision. Surely it was just an excuse so that Bramblestar could protect his feelings.

Leafpool and Jayfeather don’t need another medicine cat, he thought. He was so horrified and humiliated that he wanted to flee from the camp and run and run until he was far away from any cat who knew about his failure.

“Please,” he begged. “I promise I’ll do better. I’ll listen to Molewhisker and try really hard!”

“I know you’ve already been trying hard,” Molewhisker told him sympathetically. “I’m not angry with you.”

Leafpool took a step forward. “This isn’t a punishment,” she explained. “Jayfeather and I asked Bramblestar for this.”

“They said they believe you’ll be able to talk with StarClan,” Bramblestar put in.

Alderpaw began to realize that his Clan leader, his father , wouldn’t lie to him. But he was still doubtful. I can’t think what’s given Leafpool and Jayfeather the idea that I can speak to StarClan. “Isn’t there anything I can do to make you change your mind?” he asked desperately.

Bramblestar shook his head. “It has nothing to do with me ,” he replied. “It is the will of StarClan. This is what you are meant to do.”

Realizing it would do no good to keep on arguing, Alderpaw took a deep breath. “Okay,” he sighed. When Bramblestar dismissed him with a nod, he staggered back to where Sparkpaw was still eating, and stared blankly at the remains of the thrush. I’m not hungry anymore.

“What did Bramblestar and Molewhisker want to tell you?” Sparkpaw asked curiously.

“They said…” Alderpaw’s voice was trembling; he took a breath and started again.

“They said I have to be a medicine-cat apprentice.”

Sparkpaw’s eyes stretched wide with amazement. “That’s great!” she exclaimed.

“Medicine cats are really important.” Then she seemed to realize how unhappy Alderpaw was feeling and added more sympathetically, “But it doesn’t seem like it’s as much fun to be a medicine cat as it is to be a regular warrior. All those icky herbs!” She blinked thoughtfully for a moment. “Maybe that’s why you’re so bad at hunting—you’re meant to be a medicine cat.”

Alderpaw felt as if he wanted to retch up every piece of prey he had ever eaten. I’m sure that’s why they want me to be a medicine cat: not because I’m special and important, but because I’m no good as a warrior apprentice.

He swallowed hard, feeling as if there were a tight knot in his chest. Well, I’ll just show them! I’m going to be the best medicine-cat apprentice I can be, he resolved. I’ll try really hard, and make Bramblestar and Squirrelflight proud.

But deep down inside, Alderpaw wasn’t sure he could do it. I’m not really a medicine cat.

I’m not… special enough.

A chilly dawn mist filled the stone hollow as Alderpaw tumbled out of his den. Sparkpaw was still snoring peacefully in her mossy nest.

He arched his back in a good long stretch, then headed out into the camp.

Most of his Clanmates were still asleep, though Squirrelflight was standing outside the warriors’ den, organizing the dawn patrol with Brackenfur, Berrynose, and Brightheart.

“You’re up early,” she remarked to Alderpaw as he padded past.

“Jayfeather wants me in the medicine cats’ den,” Alderpaw responded.

“Best not be late, then,” his mother mewed, giving him a swift lick around the ears. “But get yourself some fresh-kill first. You can’t learn on an empty belly.”

“Thanks!” Alderpaw darted to the fresh-kill pile, grabbed a shrew, and gulped it down.

This was Alderpaw’s second day as a medicine-cat apprentice. The day before, he had sat in a corner of the den, watching and trying to keep out of the way. But Leafpool had said that today he would start helping.

Part of him was looking forward to that, but Alderpaw was sure that Jayfeather, who was always so snappy and short-tempered, didn’t really want him there. Leafpool is much kinder, he thought with a sigh, but I wish she would stop giving me funny looks.

Both medicine cats slept in the den, along with Briarlight, whose hind legs didn’t work, and any other sick cats who needed constant attention. It was so crowded that Jayfeather and Leafpool had decided that for the time being Alderpaw should still sleep in the apprentices’ den with Sparkpaw. Alderpaw was glad to be with his littermate, but it made him feel even more that he wasn’t a real medicine cat. His pelt felt hot with jealousy all over again when he remembered the previous night: Sparkpaw had told him all about going on a border patrol with Cherryfall and the other cats. Why can’t I just be normal and a good warrior apprentice like Sparkpaw? he thought with a sigh. Then he braced himself. I won’t think like that anymore. I’m going to do the best I can.

I’m not going to fail at this too.

As soon as Alderpaw pushed his way past the bramble screen in front of the medicine cats’ den, Jayfeather turned from where he was rooting among the herbs in the cleft at the back.

“You’re late,” he snapped.

“Oh, come on, Jayfeather,” Leafpool meowed, looking up from massaging Briarlight’s hindquarters. “The sun isn’t up yet.”

Jayfeather bared his teeth in the beginning of a snarl. “I’ll say what I like,” he retorted.

“I’m not your apprentice now. Did you sleep well?” he asked Alderpaw.

“Yes, thanks,” Alderpaw responded, taken aback by the sudden change in Jayfeather’s tone from irritable to intense.

Jayfeather turned to face him. “Do you have strange dreams sometimes?”

Alderpaw felt awkward under Jayfeather’s blind gaze. It seemed almost rude to stare at him when he knew Jayfeather couldn’t see. He glanced aside, only to meet Leafpool’s gaze, also fixed intently on him.

Alderpaw’s skin crawled as if a whole nest of ants was living in his fur. “I—I guess I do, sometimes,” he stammered. “Doesn’t every cat?”

“I do!” Briarlight interrupted, hauling herself up onto her forepaws. “I dreamed just the other night that I remembered I could fly, and I went soaring off over Clan territory. It was great!”

Alderpaw was thoroughly relieved to have the attention taken away from him.

Jayfeather and Leafpool exchanged a glance; then Jayfeather shrugged and turned back to the stored herbs. “Come over here,” he meowed to Alderpaw. “It’s time you started to learn about herbs.”

Alderpaw joined him and peered at the herbs piled up in little heaps. They looked like so many dead leaves to him, but he had the good sense not to say so.

“This is goldenrod,” Jayfeather began, sniffing at a plant with bright yellow flowers.

“We use it for cleaning wounds. And this is tansy, which is good for coughs—not as good as catmint, which is this plant here.”

“But useful all the same,” Leafpool put in.

She had finished giving Briarlight her massage and was helping her exercise by tossing a ball of moss for Briarlight to catch. “And it helps with back pain, too.”

“This is watermint,” Jayfeather went on, angling his ears toward a plant with hairy stems and spikes of purple flowers. “We give that for bellyache.”

“Let him have a sniff,” Leafpool suggested.

“So much of what we do depends on scent,” she added to Alderpaw.