Эрин Хантер - Shattered Sky

“Onestar has kept this secret for such a long time,” she whispered to Twigpaw.

“You all know that I never expected to be chosen as deputy, or to become your leader,” Onestar continued. “Tallstar appointed me in the last moments of his life, and no cat was more astonished than I was. I felt I was unworthy…” He paused for a moment and bowed his head. “And events have proved that I was right.”

“No!” Crowfeather protested from where he sat with his Clanmates. “You’ve been a noble leader, Onestar.”

Looking up again, Onestar shook his head sadly. “When I was a young cat, back in the old forest,” he continued, “I carried out my warrior duties, but I also liked to sneak off to explore the little Twolegplace beyond the farm where Barley and Ravenpaw lived. It was fun to spend time with the kittypets there, and tell them stories about what it was like to live in a Clan.”

“I never knew that!” Whitetail, a WindClan elder, was looking outraged. “Our Clan leader going off to make friends with kittypets!”

“Well, he wasn’t leader then,” Gorsetail murmured.

“It was easy to impress them,” Onestar admitted. He paused to give his chest fur an embarrassed lick. Raising his head, he let his gaze travel over the assembled cats. He opened his jaws to continue, but at first no words came out. Violetpaw could see how much effort it took when he finally began to speak again. “I used to tell them about hunting, and learning battle moves. I was never particularly skilled at those things, but the kittypets didn’t know that, because it was all so new and fascinating to them. And if I exaggerated a bit… well, it made me feel good. They thought I was wonderful!”

“But what does this have to do with Darktail?” Bramblestar asked.

“I’m coming to that,” Onestar replied. “There was one kittypet… a young she-cat called Smoke. She had such soft, gray fur, and such brilliant blue eyes… It was like I was staring into pools of pure water!”

Squirrelflight rolled her eyes. “I see.”

“Smoke and I became… more than friends,” Onestar admitted. “She loved to hear my stories of Clan life; she couldn’t get enough of them. She was happy to be my mate, but of course I only ever saw her in the Twolegplace. There was no way I could have brought her into camp.”

Rowanstar exchanged a glance with Mistystar. “You can say that again!” he muttered. “What was the mouse-brain thinking?”

“Obviously he wasn’t thinking,” Mistystar responded tartly.

“Everything was fine,” Onestar continued, “until I found out that Smoke was expecting kits. She came to find me on the moor. Thank StarClan that I was out hunting alone, and I came across her not too far from the border of our territory!

“Smoke was almost ready to give birth. She told me that she wanted to join WindClan, so that her kits could be brought up as warriors.” He gave a heavy sigh. “You see, I’d told her such wonderful tales of Clan life, as if it was all adventure and massive piles of prey. I had not mentioned all the times we nearly starved to death in a harsh leaf-bare, or how often we might get terrorized by dogs or Twolegs… or how heartbreaking it was to lose a Clanmate.”

“What did you say to her?” Violetpaw asked curiously, then let out a faint squeak of embarrassment. She had been so caught up in the story that she hadn’t stopped to ask herself if an apprentice should be questioning a Clan leader.

“What could I say to her?” Onestar didn’t seem to realize where the question had come from. “I knew there was no way I could bring a kittypet into WindClan. I would have been in terrible trouble for mating with her in the first place, and even worse, I knew that if Tallstar did let Smoke stay, she would have seen me as I really was. Just an ordinary warrior, not the heroic cat I had made myself out to be. And anyway”—he went on rapidly, as if he was trying to get past the shameful part of the story as quickly as he could—“Smoke was so soft and delicate… She would never have survived a moon out on the moor.”

“So you sent her home?” Squirrelflight asked.

Onestar nodded. “I sent her home. I told her to go back to her Twolegs, where she would be safe. Her relationship with me was over. She argued for a while, but at last she left, and I told myself I’d had a lucky escape. I stayed away from the Twolegplace after that, and I never expected to hear from Smoke again.”

“But you did,” Bramblestar stated.

“Yes, Smoke came to find me one more time,” Onestar replied. There was bitter regret in his eyes. “She had a single kit with her, and she told me that after our last meeting, when she was still on her way home, her kits had come. She didn’t have any help—not from a cat, not even from a Twoleg. All but one of her kits— our kits—had died.”

A murmur of pity came from Sedgewhisker, and Onestar flinched as though some cat had struck him a blow.

“Smoke went back to her Twolegs, but only for a short time,” Onestar continued. “As soon as her kit was old enough to leave her, she brought him to me. She begged me to at least take him into camp, while he was still young enough to learn the ways of the Clans. And I… I refused. I was too worried about how I would have to explain to Tallstar.”

Violetpaw couldn’t help thinking about how ThunderClan and ShadowClan had taken in her and Twigpaw, even though at that time no cat knew who they were.

Onestar could have made up some story, if he’d tried, she thought. He could have helped the kit.

“Smoke turned on me then,” Onestar continued. “She told me that she would raise the kit by herself, and teach him to hate the Clans who had rejected him.” His head drooped, and Violetpaw could see that he felt great shame at what he had revealed.

“Wait,” Bramblestar interjected. “This kit—are you saying that he grew up to be Darktail? That Darktail is your son ?”

Onestar nodded gloomily. “I tried to tell myself that I was protecting Smoke and her kit,” he mewed, raising his voice over the shocked murmurs of the other cats. “I thought that whatever she said when she was angry, she would take him and go back to being a kittypet, and their lives would be better that way.”

Violetpaw pressed herself against Twigpaw and felt her sister return the gesture. Both of them gazed at their SkyClan father, and they saw Hawkwing looking back at them with nothing but love.

All our struggles are over now, Violetpaw thought. We were so lucky that Alderheart found us in the tunnel and brought us back to the Clans. And now that we’ve found our father, it’s even better. He would never have turned his back on us.

Mistystar broke into Violetpaw’s musings. “So,” she meowed to Onestar. “Darktail knew that you rejected him.”

Onestar gave a weary nod. “Yes, he was old enough to understand. StarClan knows where he went for so long, but wherever it was, he grew into a bitter and resentful cat, full of grief for a father he never knew, and hatred for a way of life he never got the chance to understand.”

“You can say that again!” Tigerheart muttered.

If Onestar heard the comment, he ignored it. “He must have gathered rogues to him as his followers,” he went on, “and not long ago, he wandered up the river and found SkyClan. He attacked them and drove them out.”

Violetpaw saw her father tense for a moment, his neck fur bristling and his claws digging into the ground. She knew that he must be reliving that terrible time. She leaned over to touch his ear with her nose, and gradually he relaxed, blinking gratefully at her from sorrowful amber eyes.