Dewey Lambdin - The King`s Coat

Damme, what's this all about, Alan wondered groggily, still smarting from the kick in the ribs from the otherwise saintly seeming reverend. With his anus full of clothing, he was hustled upstairs in Morton's steely grasp. ’I must beg your forgiveness for striking him, Sir Hugo," the vicar said, gratefully accepting a brandy in the first-floor study. "I've not raised a fist in anger since I was twelve, but the utter audacity and cock-a-whoop gall of him quite overcame me.’

’I understand totally," Sir Hugo said without humor. "Perhaps if I had allowed my temper to break on him more often when he was young, we would not be engaged as we are tonight.’

’You did not strap him as a child?" the vicar asked. "Very rarely. He's a thoroughly spoiled young man," Sir Hugo said, pouring himself a glass. "You are new to the parish, so I must explain. In my youth, before I settled down from serving the King as a soldier, I was more forward than most with the young ladies. His mother was beautiful, my first love, a proper girl from a good family.’

The vicar made agreeable cooing noises, which Sir Hugo ignored. ’Before I went overseas, she and I consummated our love for each other, and then I lost touch with her, my letters returned or never answered. I was heartbroken," Sir Hugo muttered, looking only stem, but not in the least heartbroken. "By the time I had returned, and married someone else, I discovered that she had borne me a son. She had been turned out by her own family, and had died, little better than a prostitute, and that boy a pitiful parish waif. I could not refuse to own up to my sin, could I, Father?’

‘Well.. ‘. ’To atone for all, I took him in, you see.’

’A heavy burden brought about by the lust of the flesh, sir," the vicar said, now on familiar ground. "But a common one, I am sad to say. In these evil times in which we suffer before our admission to the higher reward.. ‘. ’Yes," Sir Hugo said. "As I was saying, I took him in, fed him, clothed him, sent him to the best schools, and never could find the sternness in my heart necessary for his proper upbringing, because of my guilt and shame of abandoning her, even though she was too proud to tell me. My second wife died, leaving me the sole parent of three poor babes. Even then, I could not raise a hand to him, not after ruining his poor mother, for being the one who caused her untimely death.’

’Er, which mother are we talking of?" the vicar dithered. "His mother… Father!" Sir Hugo snapped. "Alan was the very image of her when he was a boy. How could I strike him? How could I deny him anything his heart desired?" He sank his face into his hands. ’You poor fellow," the vicar said, patting him on the back. "God most assuredly is aware you tried, Sir Hugo," the vicar went on. "For we have all sinned not only by commission but by omission as well, and come short of the glory of God. Any small act of contrition and amends is-’

‘He is a rakehell," Sir Hugo said, shooting to his feet and going for the brandy decanter, away from the vicar's petting. ’ Indeed.’

’A gambler, a Corinthian, a brothel dandy and the bane of any pretty maid in London," Sir Hugo went on with some heat. "He fought a duel. so please you, for his alleged honor, brought comment on this family by his shocking conduct, wasted my money to clothe him in that ridiculous Macaroni fashion… he was expelled from Harrow, sir.’

’Merciful God," the vicar gasped at this last revelation. "Something about emulating the Gunpowder Plot and the Governor's privy. I do not see him mending his way in future, either. ‘

‘God forgives all, Sir Hugo. Even the most practiced sinner," the vicar reminded him with a beatific smile, and a brandy glass that was dryasdust on the bottom. ’Even the attempted rape of his own sister? The rest I could live down, but this! Belinda will be ruined! What gOod man would have her, even with her dowry and prospects? How shall I face the world as the father of a boy doomed to be hanged like one of the filthy Mob?" Sir Hugo filled the vicar's glass and then threw himself into a face-down sulk behind his desk. He waited for an answer but heard only the sound of sloshing and a moan of contenbnent from the vicar. "I mean to say, how may I retain the good name of Willoughby?" he prompted. "Ah, yes, the poor young lady," the vicar finally said, not without a gleam coming to his watery eyes. ’ Yes?" Sir Hugo prompted, trying not to seem impatient. ’Transport him. Or send him to the country," the vicar decided. ’But the courts involved.. ‘. ’Ah, yes, well…" The vicar shrugged and made free with the decanter on his own. "I shall, of course, disinherit him," Sir Hugo announced. "I'll not have him spend another moment under this roof as one of mine. Then it shall be up to him to succeed or fail under his own name.’

’He is not known by Willoughby?’

‘Lewrie, his mother's maiden name, sir.’

’Let me see… some form of punishment, or banishment, that will not reflect on your own kith and kin, remove him from the scene and make a man of him," the vicar said. "I have it!’

‘Yes?’

‘I know a captain in the Royal Navy, Sir Hugo. With this dreadfullittIe rebellion going on in the American colonies, one more young volunteer for service would not be looked on amiss." The vicar fairly beamed. ’And ship him out as a seaman?" Sir Hugo grinned in return. ’Heavens, Sir Hugo, be merciful at the last, I beg you. To be a midshipman is punishment enough, but to be pent with the common rabble, an educated young man raised as a gentleman… besides, there would be unfavorable comment if he stood out from his surroundings too well.’

’I suppose so," Sir Hugo said unhappily. "So I shall have to buy him his kit. And his commission as well, I suppose.’

’Not at all, Sir Hugo," the vicar assured him. "Well, he must have his kit, but a commission in even a poor regiment is four times the cost of a willing captain. I am sure my friend Captain Bevan can find your son a commander desperately in need of hands and midshipmen. Like much else in our times, the zeal of the populace for naval service is akin to the lack of zeal for the true sense of Christ's teachings.’

’Desperate enough to take even young Alan?’

‘Fifty pounds in the right pocket in Portsmouth could put him on any ship of the line. ’

‘Preferably one going to foreign climes, the farther the better. And your friend can do this?’

‘Most assuredly, Sir Hugo. Why, I recall in my last parish there was a young widow with a son who was-" the vicar reddened at the memory that Sir Hugo thought touched a bit too close to home "-at any rate, the Fleet is full of young lads who are not exactly welcome at home.’

’Shameful," Sir Hugo said. "Well, please be so good as to have your nautical friend… Bevan, did you say?… attend me as soon as he can. And, just to clear this up as a legal matter, I wonder if I could prevail upon you to attest to what you witnessed this evening with my solicitor, Mister Pilchard? He is gathering statements in case we have to call the watch and have Alan imprisoned, should he prove to be intractable.’

’Mosht happy to oblige you, Shir Hugo," the vicar said, barely able to bring glass to lip any longer. "I shall not keep you longer, Shir Hugo. I believe we have all shuf… suffered enough tonight.’

’Indeed we have, sir." Sir Hugo nodded somberly.

Sir Hugo rose and bowed a courteous goodnight to the stumbling sermonizer as Morton held the door for him and took him in charge to the parlor, where Pilchard waited. Sir Hugo sat down and mused happily over his brandy. It seemed an age before the wizened solicitor stuck his head around the door, waving a sheet of vellum to dry the ink, much like a flag of surrender to his master's temper. ’Is that sQdden hedge-priest gone?’