Jin Yong - The Book and The Sword

"Aren't you satisfied just looking at my lovely face?" The wife countered, also smiling.

"That's very true, your beautiful face is a great delicacy, but if I had some bread or something to go with it, it would be even better."

She reached over and gave his ear a sharp twist. "I won't allow you to go out again," she said. She went back inside, and re-appeared soon after with piles of bread, water-melon, honey and lamb. Yuanzhi didn't understand a word Afanti and his wife said to each other, but she could see from their teasing that they loved each other dearly, and felt desolate.

While they ate lunch, two people walked into the house, one a young boy and the other a labourer.

"Master Hu says that you should return the saucepan that you borrowed from him," the boy said.

Afanti glanced at Zhou Qi and smiled. "You tell Master Hu that the saucepan is pregnant and will soon give birth to a baby saucepan, and cannot be moved at the moment."

The boy looked puzzled, but he turned and left.

"What are you here for?" Afanti asked the labourer.

"Last year, I went to an inn in the village and ate a chicken. Before I left I asked the innkeeper for the bill, but he said: 'We'll settle it next time, there's no rush.' I thought at the time that he was being nice so I thanked him and left. Two months later, I went back to pay, and he started counting his fingers and mumbling away as if he was trying to calculate a very complicated account. I said: 'How much was that chicken? All you have to do is tell me!' The innkeeper waved his hand and told me to be quiet."

"A chicken, even if it was the biggest fat chicken, would not be more than a hundred copper pieces," said Afanti's wife.

"That's what I thought too," said the labourer. "But after he had been figuring for a long time, he said twelve taels of silver!"

"Ai-ya!" exclaimed Afanti's wife. "How could a chicken be so expensive? You could buy several hundred chickens with twelve taels of silver."

"Yes, that's what I said. But the innkeeper said: 'There's no mistake. If you had not eaten my chicken, how many eggs would that chicken have laid? And how many of those eggs would have become little chicks? And when those little chicks grew, how many eggs would they have laid…?" The longer he calculated, the higher the price became and finally he said: "Twelve taels of silver is actually very cheap!" Naturally, I refused to give him the money so he dragged me over to see Master Hu for him to settle the dispute. Master Hu listened to the innkeeper and told me to pay up. He said that if I didn't settle the account quickly, the eggs would become even more chickens and I wouldn't have a hope. Afanti, tell me who is right."

Just then, the boy returned.

"Master Hu says how could a saucepan be pregnant? He doesn't believe you and says you must return the saucepan to him immediately."

Afanti went into the kitchen and brought out a small saucepan which he gave to the boy. "This is clearly the son of a saucepan," he said. "You give it to Master Hu."

Uncertain whether to believe him or not, the boy took the small saucepan and left.

Afanti turned to the labourer and said: "You tell Master Hu you want to hold a meeting to settle the matter."

"But if I lose, I'll have to give him twenty-four taels of silver, won't I?"

"Don't worry," said Afanti, "You can't lose."

After an hour or so, the labourer returned and said: "Uncle Afanti, Master Hu had already called the meeting, and the deliberation has begun. Please come."

"I'm busy at the moment," Afanti replied. "Come back in a little while." He sat laughing and chatting with his wife and the others. The labourer was extremely anxious and pleaded with him and finally Afanti got up and accompanied him to the meeting.

Xu and the others went along too to see the fun, and they found seven or eight hundred people gathered in the centre of the village. A fat man wearing an embroidered fur-lined gown sat in the middle, and they decided he must be Master Hu. The crowd had become very restless waiting for Afanti.

"Afanti," called Master Hu. "This labourer says you're going to speak for him. Why are you so late?"

Afanti bowed before him. "I'm sorry, but I had some important business to attend to," he said.

"How could it be more important than settling this dispute?" Master Hu replied.

"It was much more important," said Afanti. "Tomorrow, I am going to plant some wheat, but I had not yet fried the seeds or eaten them. I fried them three times and it took me a long time to finish them up."

"Nonsense!" roared Master Hu. "How can you plant seeds that you have eaten?"

The crowd laughed heartily, but Afanti just stroked his large beard and smiled. After a while, the hubbub died down, and he said: "You say that wheat seeds that have been eaten cannot be planted. Well, how can the chicken that the labourer ate lay any eggs?"

The crowd thought for a second, and then cried out: "Yes, that's right, how can a chicken that's been eaten lay eggs?" Everyone began shouting and laughing and lifted Afanti up onto their shoulders.

Seeing the crowd's reaction, Master Hu had no alternative but to announce: "The labourer should pay one hundred copper pieces to the innkeeper in return for the chicken he ate."

The labourer happily handed over the string of copper coins to the innkeeper. "I wouldn't dare to eat on of your chickens again," he said.

The innkeeper took the money and walked silently away. The crowd of Muslims laughed at him and some small children threw stones at his back.

Master Hu walked up to Afanti. "The saucepan I lent to you gave birth to a son. That's very good. When will it be giving birth again?"

An expression of deep sadness appeared on Afanti's face. "Master Hu," he said. "Your saucepan is dead."

"How can a saucepan die?" Master Hu replied angrily.

"If a saucepan can give birth to a son, of course it can die."

"You charlatan," cried Master Hu. "You just don't want to return my saucepan."

"All right," Afanti shouted back. "We'll let everyone decide."

But Master Hu remembered how he had accepted the small saucepan, and decided he had lost enough face. He waved his hand to indicate he had had enough and walked off through the crowd.

Afanti was extremely pleased with himself for having managed to cheat Master Hu, himself a master at cheating the poor, and he threw back his head and roared with laughter. Suddenly, a voice behind him said: "Well Whiskers, what ridiculousness are you up to now?"

Afanti turned and saw it was the Strange Knight of the Heavenly Pool, Master Yuan. He jumped up happily and grabbed Yuan's arm.

"Aha! So you're here. Come and see my wife," he said.

"What's so special about your wife that you keep showing her off like a monkey would a jewel…" Before Yuan could finish, Xu and Yu came forward and kowtowed before him.

"Enough, enough, there's no need to kowtow. I'm not your teacher," Yuan protested. "Where is your Master Chen?"

"The Great Helmsman came on ahead of us…" Xu began. Suddenly, he noticed the Twin Eagles of Tianshan, Bald Vulture and Madame Guan, behind Yuan and bowed to them. He was surprised to see Madame Guan was riding Chen's white horse.

"Where did you find that horse?" he asked.

"We found him running free in the desert. It took the three of us quite a while to catch him," she said.

Xu was shocked. "Could the Great Helmsman be in danger? We had better go and find him," he said.

They finished lunch quickly and bade farewell to Zhou Qi. Afanti's wife, was furious that he was leaving again after only a few hours at home, and grabbed his beard, wailing and screaming as she did so. Afanti laughed and tried to comfort her.

"I`ve found a young lady to keep you company," he said. "In fact, there's a baby inside her, which means two people to keep you company, much better than me by myself." But his wife wailed even louder.