Christopher Buckner - Swords of Rome

“Yes, sir. Julia is her name. You met her once, ten years ago.”

“I don’t give a damn who she is, Centurion!” Valerius shouted as he rose to his feet. His voice was colder than Gaius had ever heard him speak before.

“Do you know who her soon-to-be-husband is?” Valerius demanded.

“Yes sir, I have met him,” Gaius replied with a heavy heart. The lump in his throat felt like an apple trying to expel itself.

“Well, I will assume you are unaware of who he is, but if not, let me tell you: he is one, if not the most powerful man in Rome. His family alone holds more weight in the Senate than any hundred men. And his wealth could buy ten legions if he so wanted. We need him to win this war, regardless of what that twit consul thinks — this conflict will not end with Hannibal’s demise. So, I would very much not like to see Paullus preoccupied with having to hunt you down and impaling that pretty young head of yours on a pike, because one of my best officers couldn’t keep his cock in his pants, sleeping with a man’s betrothed!”

“I love her, sir!” Gaius blurted, falling from his careful attention stance, as he momentarily forgot his place and whom he was speaking to. “But" Gaius began again before Valerius could respond to his statement. “I’m not ignorant about the facts, sir, despite what you might think. I do not plan to see her further, romantically, which was decided before current events unfolded.” It was painfully hard for Gaius to say his last sentence. He loved Julia with all his heart, and it pained him more than anything to think of telling her what he had just said to Valerius.

Valerius took a deep breath as he sat down. His expression changed as he looked up at his young pupil with concern.

“I do not envy your position, Gaius. I know you love this girl. I know what she has meant to you over the past ten years, since I took you away from your home. However, I know too what Rome is like. In a better world, there would be nothing standing between your happiness. Nevertheless, this isn’t an immaculate world, or is it a flawless system, and unfortunately, people born into your class vs. hers; there is very little room for love.”

“I understood, sir,” Gaius replied with a heavy heart as his head sunk lower.

“I wish you did understand, but you will. Both of you are very young and stupid,” Valerius smirked at his idiosyncratic comment, as he was lost in his own youth for a moment. “I do not pretend to know what the future might have in store for the two of you, but I do know what the present demands, and she isn’t part of it. Your place is here, with me, with your men. No matter what might happen in the coming campaign, you cannot forget the oath you took to serve and defend the people of Rome. Victory or defeat, this war won’t be over as quickly as the politicians want the plebs to think. I need you levelheaded and ready to carry my banner onto the field. Are you prepared for that, Gaius?”

Gaius straightened himself to full attention as he answered, “I am, sir!”

“Then make ready your men. And Gaius, do not let me down.”

Outside, Gaius stopped before Valerius’ tent and took a deep breath. He felt like he had been holding his breath the entire time. He knew his mentor’s words were truthful and only spoken out of love and concern. Regardless, his words ran deep, piercing flesh like knives.

Gaius knew what he had to do — what he was ordered to do, but that didn’t mean he wanted to do it.

For the first time, just for an instant, he wished this wasn’t his life. He wished he hadn’t taken the oath. Even now the thought of fleeing with Julia, as she had suggested ran through his mind. Certainly, she would be safer elsewhere then here, if the war turned against Rome’s favor. They could be together and create some kind of life somewhere far from their responsibilities. However, those thoughts were fleeting as Gaius knew what had to be done.

Gaius stood nervously in the garden as he stared down at what had been a rose bed, which was now bare, as frost covered the weathered vines that wouldn’t bloom again for months. It was bitter cold as a harsh winter storm had rolled across the countryside in the days following Scipio’s defeat. Since then, a new army was assembled. It would be commanded by another seasoned veteran of the previous war with Carthage, Co-Consul Sempronius, who was determined to win himself a great victory; elections were coming in a few weeks, so he hastily readied twenty-five thousand men of arms to respond to the incursion.

Nevertheless, Gaius’ mind was elsewhere since his talk with Valerius. He had to make a choice, as he ran through his head all the possible things, he could say to Julia to ease what needed to be said.

Gaius reached down and touched the last blooming rose. The petals were a dark shade of red, almost black, as the final vestiges of life were seeping out from the flower. Two petals fell effortlessly from his gentle touch, drifting slowly to the ground before they were eventually captured by a brisk wind, which carried away more withered flowers into the gloomy sky.

“Gaius?” Julia called.

He turned slowly to meet her.

As usual, she took his breath away. In the mid afternoon sun, even with the cold and grey skies, she was perfectly captured by the sun’s warming gaze.

She wore a long fur coat, which she had just put on before stepping outside from the warmth of her home. Underneath, Gaius could see a blue gown with a low neckline, showing the expensive jewels that adorned her neck, before she pulled the high collar up and tightened it.

“What are you doing here?” she asked as she rushed over to him, taking both of his hands in hers as she spoke more softly, “I wasn’t’ expecting to see you until tomorrow morning.”

“I had to come today and tell you — “Gaius fumbled for the words for just a moment, captivated by her large dark eyes, which stared up at him eagerly.

“What is it?” Her voice shook as she seemed to dread the reason for his sudden visit.

Gaius glanced behind Julia, seeing only a few slaves as they walked back and forth inside, going about their work.

Julia looked back as well, but quickly turned her gaze to Gaius and asked again, “What is it, my love? Speak to me.”

“This…” Gaius struggled as he pulled away from her.

“ This , what?” she questioned with worried expression.

“ Us , Julia, we can’t keep doing this! As much as it pains me, I can’t see you anymore this way.” Gaius spoke quietly, still afraid that someone might be near enough to overhear. “We cannot continue to live in this fantasy, this fiction we’ve created for ourselves.”

Tears formed in Julia’s eyes as she stepped closer to him, but he held out his arms, keeping her at a distance as if her touch would force him to change his mind and resend his hurtful words.

“I love you, Gaius, and you love me,” she pleaded.

“It is not a question of love, Julia. I love you more than you could possibly know. I would do anything for you; face any punishment or torment, whatever it took to keep you safe. I promised I would protect you, and I will never resent that oath. However, we can’t be anything more than friends. The world simply doesn’t work the way we want it to.”

“Gaius — “Julia uttered painfully as she tuned from him, unable to control her tears. She was ashamed to let him see her this way, so she covered her face with her hands and tried to finish what she wanted to say.

“I do not love Paullus. I do not care why my father has arranged my marriage with him. I will refuse it and confess my love for you. He will understand, they both will,” she cried out, not carrying who overheard her, but even her own words did not sound certain as Gaius stepped closer, forcing her to turn and face him.