Nick Brown: The Black Stone

‘Do you really think that will keep me here?’

Cassius guessed it probably wouldn’t.

Indavara pointed at him. ‘Tell me, or the next time Abascantius comes calling, you’ll be on your own.’

‘I’m afraid you’re not indispensable either. I can find someone else.’

‘Fine. I’ll leave tomorrow too.’

Indavara set off back down the street.

He hadn’t gone far when Cassius spoke. ‘All right. All right, damn it, I’ll tell you. But not on some street corner.’

The Temple of Jupiter was close. It was locked up and quiet and the only people around was a pair of urchins who fled when they saw Cassius and Indavara walking up the steps. Cassius sat down at the top, head buzzing.

Indavara stopped three steps below and looked up at him. ‘Well?’

‘Galanaq. I told you we hid in this outhouse and escaped through a house next door. What I didn’t tell you was that while we were hiding there a guard came in. I intended to stab him but I changed my mind. I hit him with the handle of my dagger. I thought it would stun him, knock him out. But he fell and began to shake. It was some sort of fit. Simo tried to help him but he could do nothing. He stopped breathing.’

Cassius was glad of the darkness. ‘I killed him.’

‘Doesn’t sound like you had much choice.’

‘He was young. He sounded scared.’

‘You’re young,’ replied Indavara quickly. ‘You were scared. You know as well as I do what they would have done to you. You did the right thing.’

‘You say things like that as if it has no meaning. It is easy for you — killing is what you do.’

‘You think I enjoy it?’

‘I didn’t say that.’

‘I don’t understand what this has to do with Simo.’

‘He did nothing. Just stood there and let me do it. He wouldn’t even say what you said — ease the pain of it for me. How dare he sit in judgement of me? He is my slave. He belongs to me.’

‘You’re angry.’

‘I’m tired. Tired of thinking about it. Tired of drinking to stop thinking about it. But I can’t. To end another’s life … by the gods, Indavara. I was supposed to be an orator. To have killed …’

Indavara took a while to reply. ‘It’s not the first time. What about Africa? The legionaries at the bridge?’

‘This was different.’

‘Up close, you mean.’

‘Why did he have to come in there? If only he’d just kept walking along the street.’

‘There is no if,’ said Indavara. ‘There is only what is. You must live with what you have done. So must we all.’

‘Not me. I can’t live with this.’

‘Stand up.’

‘Why?’

‘Just do it. We’re going to the hippodrome.’

‘What?’

‘Do you want me to help you or not?’

Neither of them said a word as they walked out to the edge of the city. The only light at the hippodrome came from the gatehouse. An elderly man appeared when they approached the open door.

‘We’d like to go inside,’ said Indavara.

‘No chance, son.’

Indavara took a denarius from his money bag.

The gatekeeper looked tempted. ‘Why do you want to go in there? It’s empty.’

‘That’s our business. We won’t be long.’

The gatekeeper reached for the coin but Indavara kept hold of it. ‘And you make yourself scarce. Come back in half an hour.’

The gatekeeper considered the offer.

Indavara took out a second coin and handed them both to him.

With a grin, the old man went to fetch his keys. Once he’d opened a side gate and left, they entered the stadium. Stopping once they felt sand under their feet, they could just about see the spine and the curve of the great arched walls high above. Cassius waited for Indavara to speak.

‘The first man I killed — he was very young, very weak. I wasn’t up to much myself then but I was better than most so they made me fight a pair. I knew I couldn’t mess around because the other one was dangerous. But this first one, when I went for him he didn’t even move, didn’t even get his sword up. He begged me not to hurt him, begged me to let him live.’

It was so dark that Cassius could see nothing of Indavara’s face. Only his words mattered.

‘I stuck him in the stomach and he fell right in front of me. It took him a while to die — until after I’d killed the other man. He just kept calling for his mother. It was five months before I fought again. I couldn’t get him out of my head. I couldn’t sleep. His face, his voice. I thought of nothing else. After a while, one of the trainers noticed the state I was in. He knew how to help me.’

‘Yes?’

‘You must talk to him.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘To him, the man you killed. The gods too if you wish.’

Indavara put a hand on Cassius’s shoulder. ‘Walk out into the stadium and say whatever’s inside you. You can apologise, or explain. Shout or scream if you have to. But leave nothing inside. Let it all out. And when you leave this place, try to leave it behind.’

Indavara walked back towards the side gate. ‘I’ll be waiting.’

He had no idea how long Corbulo was in there. He sat down against the wall, wishing he had some water to quench his thirst. Several times he heard a cry echo around the stadium but he couldn’t make out a word.

He felt sorry for the poor bastard; and not only because he knew what he was feeling. Corbulo had seen a lot but he wasn’t cut out for killing. He thought too much; and lacked the guts of those who’d had to fight their way through their whole lives.

Indavara still didn’t really understand why Corbulo thought he had to get rid of Simo, but he knew he had to do something. He wanted to help his friends and keep the three of them together.

Eventually Corbulo returned.

Indavara stood up and walked over to him. ‘Do you feel better?’

‘I–I don’t know.’

‘You will, trust me. And if you don’t, we will do this again and again until you do.’

They set off back towards the city and soon passed the gatekeeper, who cheerily bid them goodnight.

‘Well,’ said Indavara after a while, ‘what about Simo?’

‘I’d like to keep him on. I would. But he is not suited to this life and he will not change. He is a coward.’

‘That’s not true.’

‘I don’t claim I’m all that different,’ said Cassius. ‘But I will fight for my life, and my friends.’

‘Back in Antioch, when you were trapped on that ship — I wanted to leave. I did in fact. Simo came after you alone. He risked his life to help you. There is more to courage than killing. And now you will punish him because of what you have done?’

Cassius did not reply.

Indavara stopped and turned towards him. Surrounded by darkness, they could barely see each other.

‘Simo doesn’t need to fight. Whatever comes at us next time, I’ll be there.’

‘If he stays, you’ll stay?’

‘I will. You’ll come home and tell him?’

‘No,’ said Cassius. ‘You can. I’m not going home tonight.’

An hour later, Delkash locked the door of her room and sat beside him on the bed. Cassius was naked, holding another mug of wine.

Delkash ran her hand across his back and kissed him softly on the cheek. ‘You are handsome but you look like a boy. Not like a soldier at all.’

Cassius put the wine down, bent his head against her chest and wept until he could weep no more.