Nikolay Lakutin - I want to be a scoundrel too! Play for 4 people

ATTENTION! ALL COPYRIGHTS TO THE PLAY ARE PROTECTED BY THE LAWS OF RUSSIA, INTERNATIONAL LEGISLATION, AND BELONG TO THE AUTHOR. IT IS FORBIDDEN ITS PUBLICATION AND REPUBLICATION, REPRODUCTION, PUBLIC PERFORMANCE, TRANSLATION INTO FOREIGN LANGUAGES, CHANGES IN THE TEXT OF THE PLAY IN THE FORMULATION WITHOUT THE WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR. THE PRODUCTION OF THE PLAY IS POSSIBLE ONLY AFTER THE CONCLUSION OF A DIRECT CONTRACT BETWEEN THE AUTHOR AND THE THEATER.

Drama. Duration: 1 hour. 10 minutes

ACTORS

EVGENIY

ALENA

GLAFIRA

OLESYA

Evening. Residential cozy apartment. The lights are dim.

The door opens, and a tired Eugene enters. He undresses, arranges things like a master, pours water from a jug, drinks, exhales, sits on the sofa, lays out some documents, studies them.

Olesya enters the room. Dressed in a homely, but tasteful way.

OLESYA (happily): Honey, are you early today? What a surprise. And I haven't had time to cook dinner yet, why didn't you call?

EUGENE (all in business, studying the documents): Yes, I'm exhausted. It's okay, I'm not too hungry right now. I'll just work on the paperwork, and I'll be hungry in time, and you'll have time to finish everything in that time. It's okay, honey, don't worry. I'm sorry I didn't warn you, I'm so busy, my head is spinning.

Eugene turns his gaze from the documents to Olesya.

EUGENE (in a nice way): Sit down, sit with me for a minute. Olesya sits down next to

me, and they hug each other.

EUGENE (kindly, embracing): I know perfectly well what the chores are worth. Always clean, always cozy. Everything is always washed and ironed. And you cook very well, not to mention everything else that you do skillfully.

Eugene begins to flirt with Olesya, she laughs, jumps off the sofa and goes to the kitchen.

OLESYA (happily, running away): The burgers on the stove, favorite I'm sorry…

EUGENE (good-naturedly): Oh, nothing, nothing… That's all right… (thoughtfully, slowly, stretching on the sofa) All ho-ro-sho.

Olesya sets the table in the hall where Eugene is sitting. Fusses, brings meatballs. Eugene helps her to arrange, puts his documents to the side, changes clothes.

They sit down at the table.

Eugene tries it.

EUGENE (pleasantly surprised): Mmm, honey, I can't stop admiring your cooking. You're a wonderful hostess. You're great at everything.

OLESYA (happy): A woman becomes wonderful only when she tries for the person she loves. So the fact that I am, as you say, wonderful, is "to blame" for you.

EUGENE (gently): I love you!

OLESYA (happy): And i you.

They eat.

OLESYA (pleasantly): How are things at work?

EUGENE (calmly): And…, nothing very new. Although! It could be something new, by the way. Again, I am not being prophesied to be a deputy.

Olesya nods knowingly.

EUGENE (indignantly): The main thing, you know, they take some people who don't understand where they came from, put them in office, a month or two or three, everything, again the vacancy is free. Again they accept, again people leave. They're looking for a man again. Well, why, I wonder, look for someone from the outside, when here I am. And with experience, and in good standing, and I know all the nuances. I'm already worn out. My superiors in the dining room are already bypassing me through the distant tables, so long as I do not bother again with an urgent question. But I get them there, too. And what do you think?

OLESYA (questioningly): What?

EUGENE (angrily): Yesterday I attended another of the screw-head.

OLESYA (with support): I never understood these bosses. And everyone says that they have, say, "big heads". Where are they big? In what place? Elementary things do not understand, and all the same-the bosses …

EUGENE (with support): Here-here-here. Golden words!

OLESYA (warmly): Well, you eat-eat. The bosses are the bosses, and we have more important things to do here.

EUGENE (not quite understanding, after a pause): Burgers then?

OLESYA (warmly): Yeah.

EUGENE (heat): That yes. This is always a priority.

They eat.

OLESYA (cautiously): Zhen?

EUGENE (in the process of eating, not too interested): M?

OLESYA (carefully): Why can't we legalize our relationship?

Eugene chokes, begins to clear his throat.

Olesya jumps down and slaps him on the back.

Everything ends well.

Catching his breath, Eugene throws up his hands in response.

EUGENE (with shortness of breath): Dear, is it possible to talk about such things like this, without overclocking, without foreplay, so to speak …

OLESYA (carefully): I'm sorry… It's just that we've been living in a civil marriage for three years now. My family and I keep asking why Zhenya won't marry you, and I keep joking, but…

EUGENE (seriously): Olesya!

OLESYA (seriously): Zhenya!

EUGENE (cautiously): My love, we've already talked about this. The stamp in the passport only spoils the relationship. I do not know exactly how this works, but everyone, literally everyone I know, says with one voice that relationships change literally from the very day this unfortunate stamp appears! And they are changing, mind you, not for the better! We live in such an idyll, we are the envy of all your friends, you think I do not notice how they look at me, flashing their cunning eyes. And they're all married. Why do they look at me like that when you can't see them? And because the house itself is full of "rotten", sorry for the expression. Because "husband" is in itself humiliating, just like "wife".

OLESYA (seriously): Humiliating?

EUGENE (cautiously): It is humiliating if we consider these words from the point of view of feelings, love, passion, emotions. From the point of view of life, my dear, my beloved, my most-most-most-most. You have no idea how much I value this relationship between you and me, how much I value you, how much I'm afraid of losing what we have. And I know, I know, for sure, that if we sign, we will not be interesting to each other. At one point, couples around the world turn from lovers to a burden, it is worth putting this damned stamp in your passport! I'm sorry, I understand that this sounds rude and not very pleasing to the ear, but life is not a very simple thing, it is such a syndicate of intricacies and rapid events, in which it is almost impossible to meet your happiness, and when you meet it-to keep it. I'm lucky to have met you, and I don't want to lose you under any circumstances, honey… If you only knew how afraid I am of losing you…

Eugene puts his head in the lap of the melting Olesya.

Olesya strokes Yevgeny's head, touching the surface of his hair with her fingers, very gently and lovingly.

OLESYA (in a voice trembling with emotion): Zhenya, my dear, I'm sorry. I didn't even think about how serious this is for you. I didn't know you cared so much for me. I… I'm ashamed of myself. I… I love you so much, really. Very much, Zhen, do you believe?

Eugene rises, looking tenderly into the eyes of Olesya.

EUGENE (tremblingly): Of course I do. Of course I do, I've always trusted you. I believed, I believe and I will believe!

Olesya hugs Eugene.

OLESYA (in a voice trembling with excitement): Eugene… how happy I am with you… How lucky I am to have you. How happy I am… What a fool I am, a lucky fool. I won't bring it up again. Sorry, sorry, sorry …

EUGENE (gently): Forgive me, I understand that you want a white dress, a holiday, guests, fun… I understand perfectly well that for a girl-this is one of the main events in life, and I… with my cockroaches, I'm depriving you of all this. With me, probably, it is very difficult. You tell me, if you get tired of putting up with me, I'll understand, I will…