Александр Молчанов - KillerFoulkner

OKSANA. The bus stank of onions. This handsome guy was sitting to our left. Jacket, white shirt with polka dots, suit pants, boots. It was his hair that made it work — short at the front, shoulder length at the back. Moustache. He sits there and you know he knows every woman on this bus wants him. Dream husband material. Probably heads out into the forest at weekends. Comes back, throws a hare on the table while I’m heating up water to wash his feet.

ANDREW. No point hiding. Everyone knows Maronov owes Seka, and I do too. And Oksana will just spill everything as soon as the cops get there. They’d interrogate her. Every detail. Make her tell them I couldn’t get hard last night. It’ll be this young cop asking the questions. Four years older than me or something. He’ll laugh. They’ll be letting the rookie practice cos the case is open and shut.

OKSANA. Trees flashing by, away from the road, bushes, aspen, then birches, I know all the trees from natural history class. The forest still scares me.

ANDREW. She doesn’t feel even a bit sorry for me. If she had a cat, and it was me or the cat, she’s definitely let the cat live.

OKSANA. In the summer we lived with my mum, and around the time dad died, we decided to start doing yoga to lose weight. We were sitting up late, eating sunflower seed, watching TV, and out of nowhere my mum said «We’re amazing at Yoga’, and we laughed so much.

ANDREW. I looked at her. She didn’t notice. She was lying back with her eyes closed, smiling. Let’s see her smile when I kill someone right in front of her. One move. Under the ribs. And he lies back and it’s all gone already. Like he’s sleeping. I’m gonna do it. I want to. I’ll survive. You can have a life in jail too. Get accustomed. I’ll kill. I’ll be a killer. I’ve already done it. In my mind, I’m a murderer.

OKSANA. The bus stopped, and I woke up.

ANDREW. We’re here.

OKSANA. I only noticed when we got off, and there was no train station, and some broken-down sign that said Oskol.

ANDREW. She went crazy. «What the fuck are we doing here, numb nuts?»

OKSANA. He said I could wait here if I wanted. He went to a payphone. At least this one had a receiver. I followed him. I was totally mystified.

ANDREW. I called Mishka Koptsev, asked him for Maronov’s address. He gave it to me.

OKSANA. There’s no need to kill anyone.

ANDREW. Oh yeah?

OKSANA. No need. Your mum gave me the cash. I wanted to give it to you straight away but you just walked off like some kind of badass.

ANDREW. She took the money out.

OKSANA. Twelve grand. Give it to him. Seka.

ANDREW. I was furious. How the fuck can’t she realise the money’s nothing compared to this — for me to live, Maronov has to die today. I’m going to live.

OKSANA. And off he went down the street.

ANDREW. I thought she’d just buy herself a ticket out of town, but she came after me. Earlier, I thought she should be there to see me do it. Now I don’t give a shit. Means nothing.

OKSANA. This is so fucked. At some point. The sunshine’s gonna break open my head like a chrysalis. Out comes a butterfly or something. Then I won’t need to follow him. I’ll be done with this shit.

ANDREW. We walked into the courtyard and I saw Maronov straight away. He was on the kids’ carousel. There were two older guys next to him, around twenty-five. Behind him a guy was smoking on a second-floor balcony. Perfect. Mishka set me up perfectly. I can finish him, maybe one of the others as well. I have time.

OKSANA. Andrew said I shouldn’t follow him. But not to run if he falls down and they start beating him either, so they don’t instinctively go for me.

ANDREW. I reached in my pocket. Felt the knife-handle. Got to pull it out, take the blade in my left hand, open it. That’ll take too long. They could all jump me at once. Need to distract them, have a conversation. They’ve been warned. Mishka, obviously.

OKSANA. He walked up to them, said hi.

ANDREW. I said Seka sent me. Maronov’s leg was shaking. The other two were calm.

OKSANA. Maronov’s short, with long brown hair. I saw him at college once. He had this funny t-shirt about the adventures of a cartoon dick.

ANDREW. He pulled a plastic bag from his pocket and held it out.

OKSANA. Andrew stumbled back and one of the big guys said, «Don’t piss your pants, dude, it’s not a gun.»

ANDREW. Maronov said «Here it is, all fifty grand.» He’s made sure there are witnesses so everyone knows he gave the money back.

OKSANA. Andrew kept his right hand in his pocket, took the money with his left. Tried to put the money in his pocket. Missed every fucking time.

ANDREW. Maronov said, «Don’t lose it. My dad had to sell the motorbike.»

OKSANA. Andrew said, «I won’t’

ANDREW. The pressure just disappeared. The older guys even seemed to have a chat, maybe a smoke and something to drink. But I said, «Guys, a pleasure doing business with you. Stay cool.»

OKSANA. We left. And behind me I heard one of the older guys say, «We’ll catch up with them at the bus station. Get the money back.»

ANDREW. At the bus station, we had a fight. She said I disgusted her and she didn’t want us to travel together.

OKSANA. He was talking some shit about how dangerous it is to ride the bus alone. I said, «Give me the cash’. Even if they catch us, they aren’t going to think I’m carrying it. They’ll be looking for you. You get on the next bus out of here.

ANDREW. Of course I got it. She wants me gone. She hates being with me. So I said fine.

OKSANA. He gave me the bag, I gave him the twelve grand back. We’re even. For good.

ANDREW. I put her on a bus, and when I walked out of the bus station, I saw the two older guys coming for me. I ran. They ran after me. Down the street I ducked into the yard of a two-storey house, went to grab a branch from the woodpile to fight with, realised there was no time. I ran up to the house, pulled at the door of a flat. It was locked. I started banging on it, screaming «Help! They’re gonna kill me!» and then they caught up with me and dragged me out into the street. They were so out of breath they couldn’t even beat me up. They dragged me under a light and started searching me. «Where’s the money?» one of them said. I said «Gone’. «Where?» «The girl took it.» The other one said «I’m telling you, we don’t need this shit.» The first one punched me in the mouth and said «Where’s the money you fucking liar?». The second one pulled him off me and said «Look. He’s got nothing.» The first one said «I’m gonna do him anyway.» The second one put his arms around his shoulders and said to me «Get the fuck out of here.» And I left. I realised I was still carrying the twelve grand. I’d forgotten about it. They hadn’t found it. I walked back to the bus station and I just started laughing. Just laughing. I might have even sung something.

I went back to the bus station, bought a ticket, headed quietly back to the city. On the way I thought — even if I didn’t actually kill anyone, I did it in my mind, and that’s unpardonable. Because when I’d decided to kill him, I’d known it was a sin and I’d planned to repent after. God’s sees through that. He’s not a fucking idiot. And if you think like that, everyone gets caught out. Heaven’s pretty empty. Even the holiest monk, he’s sitting there in his cell, thinking — I’ll suffer hardship all my life, and pray, and when I die I’m gonna be sitting right there at the right hand of Jesus Christ and everyone’s going to say «Look at that monk there, must be pretty cool to be sitting with Christ,» and… there you go. Pride. But you haven’t sinned, you say? I have. And for what? It’s all wasted anyway. I met Oksana, and then I did it all for love, maybe. Maybe I love her? Course I do. I did all this for her. Or was it for me? Fear of Seka? I’m still scared of him. I’m vain too. Like Tugarinov, except he’s dead and buried and I’m alive and I haven’t killed anyone. It’d be great if something happened to Seka though. Maybe he could hang himself. Or drink a bad batch of vodka.