Steve Harvey: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Then one recent Christmas party, he showed up with a new woman his.ngers all intertwined with hers, both of them smiling like Cheshire cats. He introduced her as his lady, and instantly, everyone knew what was up. But it wasn't just because of the title he'd assigned; it was because of the actions behind it. He was holding her hand, looking directly at her when he talked to her, introducing her around to everyone from the business folks to his really good friends running to the bar to get drinks for her, and dancing with her like he didn't want the night to end. And when everyone left that evening, they all knew they'd be seeing that woman again,.ngers intertwined with the hitherto eternal playboy bachelor, one who changed women as often as Diana Ross changes costumes at a concert.

And wouldn't you know it? When they came back to that same function the next year, she had a new title:.ancTe. For sure, she was in this man's plans.

So, if you've been dating a guy for at least ninety days and you've never met his mother, you don't go to church together, you haven't been around his family or his friends, and he took you to a networking/job/social function and introduced you by your name, then you're not in his plans he doesn't see you in his future. But the minute he assigns a title the moment he lays claim to you in front of people who mean something to him in his life, whether it's his boy, his sister, or his boss that's the minute you know your man is making a statement. He is professing his intentions for you and professing them to the people who need to know that information. A profession is key you will know if a man is serious about you once he claims you.

Once we've claimed you, and you've returned the honor, we're going to start bringing home the bacon. Simply put, a man who loves you will bring that money home to make sure that you and the kids have what you all need. That is our role our purpose. Society has told us men for millennium that our primary function is to make sure our families are set whether we're alive or dead, the people we love need want for nothing. This is the very core of manhood to be the provider. That's what it's all about. (Okay, there are a few other things; for example, how well you're endowed and I'm not talking.nancially and how well can you provide now, I am talking.nancially.) If a man is in a position of being questioned about whether he's able to provide,.nancially and otherwise, for the ones he loves, you might as well drop-kick his ego into an early grave. The more he can provide for his woman and his kids, the bigger and more alive he feels. Sounds simplistic, but that is the reality.

As a provider, a man pays the bills that have to be paid the rent, the heat and light bill, the car note; he buys groceries; he pays school tuition; and he takes care of other household expenditures. He will not spend his money on tri.ing things and come to you with what's left, and he will not sel.shly give you a little cut and take the rest for himself. And a man who truly loves you would never make you ask for money for necessities he would make sure that you need and mostly want for nothing, because every pat on the back he gets for bringing more money into the house, every kiss he gets for handing over cash for school clothes and supplies and toys, every bit of appreciation he gets for keeping the lights and cable on, boosts his prowess as a man. That's why, if he's a real man, he will always put buying something for himself far below his responsibility to provide for his family. His need for another set of golf clubs or expensive shoes or a fancy car or anything else men like to spend their money on will pale in comparison to providing for loved ones, because those golf clubs can't make him square his shoulders the way true appreciation from a woman can. Consequently, everything he does is going to be about trying to make sure the woman he loves has what she needs.

Now I know that expecting a man to care for you.nancially, no questions asked, in an age in which women have been raised to be.nancially independent of men gives you pause; if you've been taught all your life to go dutch on your dates and pull out your own checkbook when it comes to paying your bills, and you've been repeatedly told that you can't depend on a man to do anything for you, then it's understandable why you can't wrap your mind around this simple concept. But remember what drives a man; real men do what they have to do to make sure their people are taken care of, clothed, housed, and reasonably satis.ed, and if they're doing anything less than that, they're not men or shall we say, he's not your man, because he will eventually do this for someone's daughter, maybe not you.

For sure, all too many men shirk this responsibility, whether out of sel.shness, stupidity, or sheer inability or a combination of all three. But some men simply do not have the education, resources, and wherewithal to make an adequate amount of hard cash. And if a man can't provide, then he doesn't feel like a man, so he.ees to escape the horrible feelings of inadequacy, or he's going to bury those feelings in drugs and alcohol. Indeed, you can probably trace a whole host of the pathologies exhibited by the most tri.ing of men back to their inability to provide. Some try to use crime to make up for it (clearly, our prisons tell us that's not working); some use drugs (our street corners tell us that's not working, either); some just run (the numbers of women raising kids alone, and falling into poverty because of it, tell us that's de.nitely not working). But ask any one of those men who aren't doing right by themselves or the ones they love what they regret most, and I'll bet you a majority of them will say the same thing: they wish they had the ability to provide.

Of course, some men simply refuse to share the money in their pockets with their women. As some rap songs and hiphop magazines tell you, these men feel they're being played if they provide anything of monetary value to the opposite sex. Some men even label any and every woman who expects her intended to provide for her the very handy, decisively ugly phrase gold digger. Oh, when it comes to women, that phrase gets tossed around these days like dough in a New York City pizza parlor. In fact, men have set it up so well that we've got women thinking that if they remotely expect a man to pay for their dinner, or buy them a drink at the bar, or set any.nancial requirements for their man, then they're gold diggers.

I'm here to tell you, though, ladies, that the term gold digger is one of the traps we men set to keep you off our money trail; we created that term for you so that we can have all of our money and still get everything we want from you without you asking for or expecting this very basic, instinctual responsibility that men all over the world are obligated to assume and embrace. It's a get-over term, ladies one that has a very legitimate premise (there are, of course, women who date and marry men solely for the cold, hard cash), but one that has been wrongly and almost universally applied to any woman who has made clear that she expects her man to ful.ll his duty as a man. Know this: It is your right to expect that a man will pay for your dinner, your movie ticket, your club entry fee, or whatever else he has to pay for in exchange for your time. You all have to stop this foolishness with the I pay for my dinner so he knows I don't need him approach. As I point out in the next chapter, The Three Things Every Man Needs: Support, Loyalty, and the Cookie, a man a real one, anyway wants to feel needed. And the easiest way to help him get that high is to let him provide for you. This is only fair.

And if he loves you? Oh, he's going to bring every cent home to you. He's not going to come back from gambling all his money away, saying, Here's $100 that's all I got this week. He's going to come straight home with that check, and if there's anything left over after he takes care of each and every one of your needs, well, then he'll play. This is man business, baby. It's how we do.