Mel Gordon - Voluptuous Panic - The Erotic World of Weimar Berlin

Decor:A doorman, dressed like Saint Peter or a mustached Satan, directs guests to their choice of two adjoining dining areas, partitioned into “Heaven” or “Hell.” Both spaces of the nightclub face the “Cabaret-Montmartre” stage.

Bathed in a mysterious dim blue light, the walls of “Heaven” are lined with wooden angels, framed manuscripts, sacred statuary, and miniature palm trees. The white-faced waiters, “garçons of Heaven,” are dressed like angels (with gauzy wings and halos) and greet the customers with Lutheran appellations. Scroll-like menus, bowls of holy water, and votive candles are placed on the tables. Religious music from an organ is played intermittently.

“Hell” is illuminated in a phosphorescent red glow and its walls are plastered to resemble that of a burning cavern. Dressed as red imps, the waiters here scurry around a boiling cauldron and torment the orchestra and diners alike with iron triads. When delivering the food to the “sinners,” the devilish imps always describe the dishes’ individual punishing qualities: “This bockwurst will seal your intestines for 20 days!”

Entertainment:Elaborate naked revues from the Cabaret-Montmartre are presented every evening at midnight. Under the direction of French choreographer Madeleine Nervi, as many as 50 showgirls appear in musical presentations of the “Beautiful Body Unveiled.” Themes of the Montmartre evenings normally veer to Parisian-style perversity, like “25 Scenes From the Life of the Marquis de Sade” or “The Naked Frenchwoman: Her Life Mirrored in Art.” Staging is professional and considered the highest caliber.

Unusual:Saint Peter and Satan often surface in their designated areas to give appropriate and amusing exegesis during the performance.

Area:BERLIN WEST. Corner of Kurfürstendamm.

Atmosphere:Exclusive if slightly tacky. Free admission for the well-dressed. A foot fetishist’s paradise. Open until 3 a.m.

Clientele:Stockbrokers, artistic types. Police officials, Italian tourists, foreign journalists. Always Nuttes in revealing American-style flapper outfits. (Some wearing red-white-and-blue sparkling foil in their hair.)

Decor:Mock Tahitian/German Samoan furnishings. Small tables under palms. Lush red lighting. The blue and gold bar is advertised as the longest in the city. Fireplaces in the small lounge are kept burning at all hours. Nearby are newly-acquainted couples, smooching heavily in chaise-longue chairs and sofas.

Entertainment:Bar, vegetarian restaurant, dance palace, and cabaret, all in one place. The Barberina-Cabaret has a full program consisting of five acts. Typical evening consists of an acrobatic dancer, a sketch artist, a comic monologuist (no political humor, thank you), a female dance trio, and an eccentric sailor dance. A jazz orchestra for pre- and post-show dancing. The cocktail bar is reputed to have the most ravishing and scintillating barmaids in Berlin West.

Unusual:Over every dining table is a parrot in a cage—the logo of the establishment. When a customer wishes to leave, he merely taps his water-glass with a knife. This signals the bird to squawk, in a grating old man’s voice, “The bill! The bill!” Regrettably, the parrots have an uncontrollable tendency to let their droppings fall on the plates of first-time or inattentive patrons.

Area:Upper FRIEDRICHSTADT. At the KOMISCHE OPER near the FRIEDRICHSTADT train station.

Atmosphere:Crass. Expansively lewd. A touch of Inflation Era madness mixed with Parisian Music Hall nudity. One critic referred to a James-Klein-Revue as “a pornographic magazine come alive.”

Clientele:Middle-class Berliners. German and foreign tourists.

Decor:Big revue house, seats 1,200.

Entertainment:Mostly lavish nude tableaux—or “meat shows”—arranged around a comic theme and led by a well-known conférencier like Paul Morgan or Hans Albers. Characteristic sensational poster ads: “1,000 Completely Nude Women!” or “500 Sweet Legs!” Take It Off was promoted as an “Evening Without Morals in 30 Pictures, Enacted by 60 Priceless Naked Models.” [Actually only 24 scenes and 42 females appear in the program.]

Unusual:Any activity that is sexually over-the-top in Berlin is frequently labeled a “miniature Klein-Revue.”

Area:BERLIN EAST. Southeast of ALEXANDERPLATZ.

Atmosphere:Always a bit giddy and self-consciously naughty, like a secretary’s bridal shower that is interrupted by a bachelor party down the hall. A veritable institution for promiscuous, middle-class hijinks.

Clientele:Out-of-towners, local bureaucrats, and “Merry Widows” intent on fun. Lots of flirtatious women. (Ratio of single females to males is usually 5 to 1!) Dance floor can accommodate 500 couples.

Decor:Weird: outwardly decked out in a lavish, Parisian fin-de-siècle style but surrounded by modern technological surprises. Building is partitioned into a main room, loges, private cellar, four bar-counters, orchestra pit, and miniature Luna-Park gallery (with a carousel ride for fun-addled adults). Ballroom ceiling is made of reflective glass and painted in Japanese motifs.

Entertainment:One hundred whirling mirrored globes on poles open in rhythm to the bands and colored water displays create a continuous kaleidoscopic effect on the dance floor. Warning: intense rays from the rotating illumination and flickering dim-red bulbs or tango lights can be headache-producing. (There are 86,000 electric lighting fixtures in the place!) Sexy male- and female-only orchestras play on opposite landings.

Food:Horrid Prussian fare.

Unusual:Two hundred private telephones are fixed to numbered tables and balcony stations. These encourage audacious patrons to engage in across-the-room introductions or in anonymous, suggestive chats. Guests can also choose from among 135 pocket items and have them shot, through air compression, across the Resi ceilings and handrails, where they are delivered to netted baskets hanging from the numbered tables.