Elena Fedorova - The red-haired clown. A novel

“Next?” Lele sat down in front of the mirror. “Next, there will begin life without deceit, without hypocrisy and lies…”

“I will fall from happiness now. Benosh, hold me,” having rolled his eyes, Bebe exclaimed and fell to the hands of Charles.

Then they went to an expensive shop and chose Charles a strict dark suit, a shirt, a neckerchief, and an expensive pin. Looking at himself in the large full-length mirror, Charles could not decide who he was. A funny clown, a homeless child, a circus actor or…

“Are you a lord, a milord, or a baron?” having looked behind the screen, Lele asked.

“I am… Charles Benosh,” he said, having slightly raised the chin. “I am the Prince of Denmark, Hamlet.”

“Bravo!” Lele exclaimed. “That’s just what I thought. Jesters and kings people of the same rank, same class, so they are always side by side. A king without his faithful jester is nobody. And what about the jester? He is a huge mirror, in which all vices become noticeable hundredfold. Aren’t you happy about this?”

“About what?” Charles did not understand her.

“That you, my boy, are a jester. You are the mirror of the crowd, to which people keep coming to look at their vices…” Lele replied.

“I am tired of being a jester,” Charles frowned.

“Let’s talk about this before going to bed,” having pushed him to the door, Lele said.

“It is time, Matilda is waiting for you. It is not nice to make a lady languish in uncertainty.”

“I hope that our relationship with Matilda will be disconnected today for ever,” Charles said, frowning. “I hope that she will understand that I am not just a bird, who dreams to build a nest, but a lonely wanderer, Mr. In-cog-ni-to,” he looked at Lele. “Indeed, I know nothing about myself. Who am I? Who are my parents? Why was I left all alone? What made me be on the tramp? Almost everything was erased from my childhood memory. Although…” he considered for a moment.

“Sometimes, strange pictures of the past come to me while dreaming. I do not know whether it is mine or not. I dream of a rich house, candles in the candelabra, and servants dressed in white gloves and lacy cuffs, a bright wooden train, tin soldiers, a big teddy bear to sleep warmly. Fire burns in the fireplace, someone reads fairy tales. Sleep envelops me. I do not see faces, I do not see people, I hear low voices but I do not understand what they are talking about. It seems that people are talking about something mysterious. It is early for me to know this mystery. It is early because I am a child. And then… then it is getting late, too late. The train is burning in the fireplace, the pages, torn out of the books, are scattered across the floor. The big teddy bear was lost, and it felt cold, terrible without it… Sleepless nights in some abandoned house among the hundreds of homeless, shelterless, hungry, skinny boys like me. Why are we here? Why? There is no one to answer.”

“Don’t you have anything left from the past?“Lele asked, having taken Charles by the arm.

“Nothing,” he replied and smiled.

“Nothing but a birthmark in the form of a comma on the right forearm. Looking at it, I keep thinking that a comma is better than a point because there should be a continuation. So, I also should have a continuation…”

“I would say it is a good continuation,” Lele winked. “You will certainly play the role of the Prince of Denmark, my boy, but you need to learn.”

“Oh, you are saying this again,” having freed the hand, Charles said. “I do not want to. I do not want to. That’s it. A point. A point, not a comma. Please, Lele, do not to have such conversations anymore.”

“Okay,” she said. “Only bear in mind that nobody will give the role of the Prince to an impostor, “she flicked Charles on the nose.

“If you dream of a good future then you need to work a lot, to work in good faith. Remember this, son.”

“I already work a lot, “he growled out.

“I work all days long, and the bad Director does not want to raise my salary.’

“That’s because he does not consider our craft to be a great work,” Lele said.

“Everyone can run on the stage and amuse the audience. Everyone. One does not need special tricks and wisdom to grimace, to make faces, to imitate, and to laugh at all sorts of nonsense. But not everyone can make the audience cry, can find the words to make their flesh crawl, to make tears roll down. Very few people can do this. Such people are rare. Extremely rare,” she sighed. “I know, Charles, you will be able to be different. You are initially different. You do not belong here, in our show-booth.”

“Are you pushing me away, Lele?” Charles turned pale.

“No, no, dear Benosh,” having embraced him, she exclaimed. “I am not pushing you away. I will never push you away. Never. Is it possible to push away a son? No. I want you to think over my words. He looked at everything with different eyes. The eyes of the Prince of Denmark, if you want,” she smiled. “Look, Charles, it is difficult to change an ordinary way of life, sometimes it is impossible, sometimes it is not necessary, for example, as for Bebe and me. But you need to do this. You are not a clown, not a jester. You are an exquisite boy with manners of an aristocrat. You know, I am really glad that you met this girl with bows and the musical name Si-mo-ne. And the last name Stowasser sounds like a hundred gallons of happiness.”

“Why?” Charles got surprised.

“Yes, because wasser is water, which we always need,” Lele said.

“If only this wasser did not drown us all,” the voice of Bebe was heard, as he was trailing behind, tossing pebbles that got in the way with his foot, and was angry that nobody was noticing him. Lele and Charles stopped.

Bebe looked at them and continued his thought: “The rich uncle blocked the taps, and the water gushed into another place,” he began to shake the hand of Charles. “But our Benosh has a bride, Matilda Welzer…”

“Okay, do not be silly,” Lele slapped him on the forehead. “It is not so easy for the boy. He will have to walk with Matilda on the arm, and this is…”

“A great human happiness, “Bebe smiled, having taken Lele by the arm. “You, Charles, should be proud that you have been done such a great honour. Smile, stop being angry.’

“Okay,” having put on the clownish smile, Charles replied.

“Matilda will faint when she sees you,” Bebe tapped him on the shoulder. “Good luck. They left Charles near the house of the Director of the circus and left. Charles knocked and came in. Having seen him in such an attire, Matilda refused to go to the cinema with him.”

“What happened?” Charles asked distractedly. His confusion was sincere. ‘Why don’t you want to go with me to the cinema?’

“Because you want to make a fool of me,” she cried out.

“No, Matilda, no,” he said. “I learned that you had been upset because of the girl, and decided to redeem myself somehow. Thus, I decided to apologize to you.”

“Why?” she grinned.’‘Is it because you have never held me in your arms? Sure, you were afraid to overstrain yourself.”

“Not at all,” Charles smiled. “Well, do you want me to raise you right now? He took a step, thinking that he totally messed things up. What will happen if he cannot raise this fat girl?’

“Don’t be silly. Don’t you dare come near me,” she screamed, thinking that he will drop her on the floor and will begin to laugh with his disgusting clownish laughter. And she will burst into tears from pain, resentment, and humiliation. And then the whole circus will be whispering behind her back, discussing this ridiculous scene. No. She will not afford such a pleasure to the red-haired clown. She herself will laugh at him.