Madelaine - Silly Stories! Fairy tales for children

Translator Vladislav Yuldashev

Cover designer Madelaine

Illustrator Madelaine

© Madelaine, 2021

© Vladislav Yuldashev, translation, 2021

© Madelaine, cover design, 2021

© Madelaine, illustrations, 2021

ISBN 978-5-0053-0695-1

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

«Bunches of grapes» (all children who love to hug, «Jocks» (children who love to fall), little Chinese «ninjas» and other lovely children.

My first book in my life.

Your dad is a military man with ten stars on his shoulder straps. And his friend is the general of the most secret specials. services. One day intelligence reported that space aliens were attacking a beautiful girl. What do you think our brave dad would do?

He gathered the military, his entire company, put up water cannons and would beat up all of their myriad army, lined up on the block. And the aliens were the ones with a large third eye on their forehead. We saw them both the future and the past of any person on planet Earth. They saw what dad does with them in the future. And a flurry of water on their curves, but like human faces (so the aliens mutated from the earth’s atmosphere full of oxygen, since they have only carbon dioxide on the planet). And they all forgot the gas masks. Therefore, it was unpleasant and painful to all of them.

The aliens got scared very much and began to think: «What to do?» And they came up with the idea to kidnap your dad. They watched him in the Siberian taiga, where he went to earn money: for talking toys, a bicycle and various teddy bears.

And he was kidnapped on a «plate»: «Unidentified Flying Object». It looks like a star from afar. At night, you can look out the window and, perhaps, notice her movement across the sky. This is where your dad lives ever since. He is not released from there. And nothing can be done. Everyone says so, and so does the general.

It was a long time ago. I don’t remember how many centuries ago in the glorious city of Copenhagen. There lived a gallant captain with a mustache and a vest fashionable from local manufacturers of the most fashionable vests in the city. He had a wife, a beautiful, clever girl. She loved to wait for the captain from his sea voyage. He used to sit by the window and arrange flowerpots with rose bushes. I picked up the curtains to match. With lace braid, I tied them with a bow. The whole Copenhagen was then aware: since the curtain was open and tied with a scarlet bow, then the husband-captain from his sea voyage would soon arrive.

But here’s the misfortune, out of place aliens (those that are «gray») sent a landing of mermaids on a «platter». We earthlings then did not know how to clone. And they are already in full. They also cloned the captain’s wife. No luck, she was stately. Arrives, then, a copy of the captain’s wife: just like that, you can’t tell! Looks, and there another is the same, well, at her house, where she thought to settle. They printed her address on a computer on a plate so that she would not forget, just in case, you never know. What to do? Does not know. It’s already dark, there’s nowhere else to go. Hunting to sleep from the road, to eat. She then knocked on the door. Nobody opens it. I got angry and set the house on fire. Fortunately, he was on the outskirts, closer to the wheat field. Everything in it burned down. And she herself went and sat on the seashore on a stone, sits and waits, therefore, for her husband: the captain. There is nowhere to go.

There, her people saw how it was getting light. And the local artist managed to sketch in the album and tell the local writer what he saw.

By lunchtime, the captain’s husband sailed, who was not aware of everything and no one told him anything. Came with a salary of course. On which he and the mermaid – his new wife, who also kept silent about everything that happened – and lived in a newly rebuilt house, on a salary. And when her tail appeared on the nerves: it was necessary to sew curtains and lace to match, now she had to go to the seashore calming down. And the artist painted it differently. Therefore, no one paid attention to the monument either.

Here is such a shame for the police in Copenhagen: which for a hundred years they have not been able to deal with the corpse of the ship’s captain’s wife! But she was a beauty, clever girl!

Caution! Don’t open the door for anyone, children! If they knock on it carefully, it’s as if it’s not audible: once, and then everything falls silent and only steps are heard going into the distance. Or, if they knock with unimaginable force, so that it seems that the door will immediately fly apart into a thousand small pieces! Proven repeatedly. The vampire is leaving. Usually, he is covered in blood and when he approaches you will certainly become ill, so it is possible, even, to faint. Do not be surprised, however, that many opened the door and saw a pretty girl in an airy white light dress, with a tropical flower in her hair.

She will definitely smile at you and say something cute, maybe. But when you turn away, she will immediately turn into a bloody ghoul! Red blood will flow from her nose and in the corners of her lips. When you look at her again, she instantly takes on the appearance of a pretty girl.

The vampire always comes unexpectedly. And never – following an agreement or schedule. So, if your friends did not warn you that they will come today, this is definitely a Vampire. To escape from it, you must sit still. For in various clever ways, he will try to get into your house, lie and get rid of, claiming unimaginable things – everything to be revealed to him. There are many cases when a vampire right in front of the door, stood on his ears, making a stand. And he could stand on his ears for as long as he wanted!

You still have to pretend that you are not at home. Walking on tiptoe, and it is better not to walk around the house at all, because the creak of the floorboards can give you away. It is also necessary to turn off the light and put the phone on «silent» mode and then there is a chance that the vampire will leave. And do not believe a single word of him! Everything he says is a lie!

Oh, someone is knocking on me now! I’ll go and check. Who is knocking at my door?

The statement that a certain Zara, and now Klara stole the corals from Karl, and Karl stole the clarinet from Klara is true. No doubt about it! Now that’s for sure – no! If not for these flowers that Zara drew, by which they determined that Zara was not Zara, but Klara, and stole the corals. According to the theory of relativity, provided that Zara is the very same Clara – all this is so.

Sadly, there is no end to Clara’s story either. For Karl, in revenge on a certain Zara, who is not a fact for him that there is Clara, stole everything else. They were mountains of coral and clarinets. And actually, Karl took only his own. However, Zara, being a girl with a whimsical and restless, very dubious reputation, categorically refused to understand what the matter was and invited the police, who undertook to assert all this with full confidence. However, not in the innocence of Zara, or Klara, or Karl, but quite the opposite – the statement was not at all that innocent character of talk about some corals there, but about serious issues of Karl’s theft from Klara or Zara and vice versa. Moreover, with the specification of the names of a certain thief Zara or Klara. Who stole from Karl, and maybe not from Karl at all – corals? And everything would have been exactly the same, if not for these, as it turned out, also stolen by this Zara-Klara, it is unknown and still not high in anyone – scarlet flowers. They are – the truest, according to the police, proof of what is happening. There is no doubt: Klara, who is not Klara, but Zara, stole the corals from Karl, and Karl most certainly stole the clarinet from Klara. And together they made more than one bandit raid. That’s all.