Danny Osipenko - Ms. Prime Minister

– Don’t be afraid, – the President went on, – don’t be surprised, for everyone is afraid of responsibility, we have four ministers and no Prime Minister, and I know that you can manage it, though you are very young, by the way, how old are you?

– Nineteen.

– Um…“ said the President, thinking for a moment, before continuing, „you see, our laws say that a Viplandian, who must be twenty-one, may be Prime Minister, but that’s all right.

– And I don’t know how,» Kate resisted weakly.

– Now…“ The President picked up the phone and dialed, „I want the Chief Justice, urgently!

– Oh, I’m afraid I won’t be able to,» Kate tried to deny it.

– You know, Kate, – the President sighed heavily, somehow he sank back in his chair, and even imperceptibly sobbed, – I have a daughter just like you… the same bangs… the same plaits… she dyed her hair black, said she was a Goth… went to parties at the cemetery, and then ran off with a musician abroad, and hasn’t been heard from again for a year.

After these words Kate could hardly hold back her tears, she felt terribly sorry for the good old man. She stood up and said:

– All right, I will be Prime Minister, and I will find your daughter! I promise!

Chapter 2

A fat man, as important as a penguin, entered the room. His sideburns jutted to the sides with dignity, his three chins shaking in time with his steps. He stopped and, lifting the first chin, exclaimed:

– The President of the Supreme Court has arrived at your behest!

– Well, here’s the thing,“ the President began, „a certain legal conflict has arisen…

– I am aware of it,» said the President calmly.

– What do you mean by that? – The President was indignant, – are you eavesdropping on me?

– It was the chief intelligence officer,“ the judge excused himself, „he said it was for your own safety…

– Take it all away at once,» said the president, and at once the men in black turtlenecks burst into the room, pulling the bugs out of every conceivable and inconceivable place.

– You see, they are too wild,“ the President said to Kate, „they eavesdrop on their breadwinner, and where did they get this silly fashion and these silly black turtlenecks from, in summer the whole country wears T-shirts and shorts, and they wear turtlenecks!

– The uniform of the special services has been approved by you,“ said the Chairman of the Supreme Court, „in autumn they will be provided with protective raincoats, and in winter…

– Enough! – The President interrupted him, – what will you say on this question, now that you are aware of it?

– I have the following to say on the subject,“ the judge looked up at the ceiling, „To change the law is to get it through Parliament, it’s easier to give her a Wyplandia passport with the proper age.

– Now that’s a case,“ the President patted him on the shoulder, „how much time do you need?

– Two days.

– Thirty minutes.

– That’s good.

– You see who we have to work with, – said the President when everyone had gone, – they’re already on their necks, I hope you’ll build them, I’m already old… I’m in my eighth term of presidency.

– Never mind, we’ll build them,» Kate assured him, smiling enigmatically.

The President laughed, hugged her and kissed her on the forehead.

****

Thirty minutes later the Chairman of the Supreme Court entered the room, carrying on a tray a passport and a certificate of the Prime Minister. Kate solemnly accepted all these documents, opened the passport and whistled in surprise.

– When did you have time to take my picture? – she exclaimed.

– It was the Chief of Intelligence, the camera worked at the entrance to the Presidential Palace, – said the Chairman nonchalantly, – and then they corrected it on the computer, in my opinion it turned out well.

– Next time tell me, – said Kate, – that I should at least comb my hair… and what kind of name is this – Catarina de Ross?

– I think it sounds good!

– Why, can I give orders now?

– According to the Constitution, you only answer to the President.

– Well, now hold on! – Kate said ominously, – he made a fool of himself, he made my hair look so stupid in the picture on my ID card… I’ll fire all the computer guys!

– Go get them! – The President laughed, – go ahead, Iron Lady, I didn’t even expect you to be so quick.

– You know, – said Kate, – I already like being the Prime Minister in advance…

– You bet you do…“ The President didn’t stop laughing, „Come on, I’ll introduce you to the bodyguard, we’ll have one for the two of us… as well as the limousine.

They left the Presidential Palace and approached the garage, which was locked. The president looked around puzzled and muttered: «Where in the world is he?». The bodyguard was found in the backyard, in a hammock, between two towering willows on the bank of a picturesque pond. He was snoring frankly, scaring away the butterflies that tried to sit on his nose.

– Dick, get up! – commanded the president.

The bodyguard twitched and fell out of the hammock. The president and Kate laughed involuntarily. The appearance of the red-haired, fat, good-natured lout did not tie in with the image of a formidable guard.

– Sorry, Mr. President, – he muttered, rising to his full height and shoving the holster with his pistol under his arm, – I did not sleep well.

– Well…“ the president, condescendingly, clapped him on the shoulder, „meet our new Prime Minister, this is Catarina, you will guard her too.

– Nice to meet you, Your Excellency, – Dick grumbled reluctantly, then he suddenly brightened up and exclaimed, – so now my salary will also be doubled?

– The question of salary we will settle, – assured him the President – and now, you will show Prime Minister his apartment, take him to the supermarket, and in general, help to settle in, by the way…

The President took out from his jacket pocket a weighty bundle of bills and handed it to Kate.

– Here are five thousand dorels, it’s a kind of advance payment, you can sign the receipt later.

– Is it much? – Kate asked.

– The Premier’s salary is ten thousand, and for thirty thousand you can buy a decent jeep.

– That’s not bad.

– Now, I’m entrusting you to Dick, and we’ll talk about it tomorrow, but now get settled in.

Chapter 3

The residence of the Prime Minister was a small modern cottage across the street from the «presidential palace». Kate carefully inspected her new place of residence and was quite satisfied. Everything she needed, including the computer, air conditioner, television, microwave, dishwasher, everything was in perfect order. Pulling the covers off the chairs, Kate involuntarily sneezed at the rising dust.

– We could get a cleaner,» Dick remarked.

– That’s all right, I’ll do it myself,“ Kate replied, „but now, let’s go to the store, I need to buy at least a toothbrush.

– Maybe we can get a limousine?» suggested the guard.

– Is it far?

– No, four hundred meters.

– Yes, let’s walk, I at least look around.

– As you wish…

Mysteriously, the «toothbrush» turned into two huge shopping bags, which the security guard dragged with difficulty behind Kate. She strutted up front in her new black short dress. Her stiletto-heeled model shoes clattered on the pavement.

– You know, Dick,“ Kate reasoned, puffing on her cigarette, „you can live here. I only spent two thousand and a half… and I got my groceries and my clothes.

– Well, well! – The guard was nodding his head in agreement, breathing heavily.