Julia Frauental - The Smell of Spring. And other stories

Then it dawned on me.

I grabbed the plastic glasses and started filling them one by one. But they soon ended, and the water was still above the tap. Desperately, I put my palms folded in a ladle under the stream. Water poured over the edge. Idiot. Aquarius, indeed! In complete prostration, I bent down and splashed this water in my face.

I was caught washing under this improvised washstand.

– Henry! What happened? What are you doing? – Lisa ran up to me with a towel on her shoulder.

– The thing is broken. – I dried myself with her towel. – But I made you all a glass! – And with a broad gesture I showed the table full of plastic cups…

*

As we came out of the theatre into the night street after the performance, I breathed in the spring night air with my whole chest and exhaled the theatrical impressions I had just received without regret.

There was a kind of hopelessness in the fact that the modern play we watched was full of eternal Shakespearean seething passions.

– Let’s take a walk, – I suggested, – such wonderful weather!

– Come on.

We walked along the boulevard alley – under the starry spring sky. As in our youth… God, why doesn’t a person change at all? Why does the soul live its own life, separate from ours? Why is nature so beautiful and cruel in its constancy? And where can one get non-trivial words to express it for the hundred millionth time.

– A ridiculous play, – I ventured to break the silence.

– Yeah… Why are men so jealous? After all, this one – her husband – had no reason for jealousy. – Lisa put her head on my shoulder.

– And women? Aren’t they? But this one really reacted inadequately.

– And overacted too. I mean the actor.

– Yes, too hysterical…

I was ready to agree with everything, just to walk like this, embracing, for an infinitely long time.

– Look, did it ever occur to you, – I suddenly said, unexpectedly for myself, – that some of your “girls” might feel… um… well, let’s say… excitement when you cuddle… that is, touch them?

– What? – Liza almost choked with laughter and stared at me in amazement.

– Well, I mean… without wanting to? I’m just wondering if you’ve noticed anything like this? – I was not glad myself to have blurted it out without thinking, and now couldn’t get out of it.

– No. I don’t understand what you’re talking about at all.

She was being defensive. And she perfectly understood everything.

– And if one of them falls in love with you, what will you do? Do you know how to behave?

– Fall in love? Why on earth?

– Clients often fall in love with their therapists. And we are ready for this. This is called «transfer». And we know how to deal with it. But this can happen in your practice too.

Lisa shrugged her shoulders.

– I don’t know what you’re driving at. Do you mean anyone in particular?

– No, just generally speaking.

*

At the next session with Nina, I tried to approach the question of love again.

– So why, after all, you cannot let yourself love the one you love?

She looked tense and tired again. I sounded like an interrogator, and I felt ashamed.

– Because it is prohibited.

– By whom? Your parents? Society?

– Everyone.

– Is it because he is married?

– That, too.

– In that case, it could be considered forbidden, say, to take him away from the family or make love to him, but loving him is not forbidden!

– Prohibited. And the Bible says that you can’t even want what is not yours.

– You said you were not religious.

– Yes, but I read the Bible.

Fair point. Well, what to do? I was silent.

– Besides, I don’t want him . Ah… I want … her .

A dumb show. And she looked me straight in the eye. Bravo, bravo. The act drop.

I pulled myself together.

– Well… Now this is a real breakthrough. Thanks for a good session.

At this point, I could not say with certainty who I felt sorry for – her or myself.

*

A couple of weeks later, when Lisa and I were packing suitcases before going to Germany for a conference – we were planning on having a holiday there at the same time – Lisa said suddenly:

– You know, I invited Nina to stay at our place while we are away.

– What? – I was stunned.

– The owner of her rented apartment said that she would have to move out, as their circumstances had changed. And while she is looking for another one, I thought that she could live here. There will be someone to look after the house, water the flowers. Everything will be fine. You don’t mind, do you?

I was beside myself with fury.

– Of course I mind! There’s no way she can live in my house, because she is my client! You haven’t thought about that?! – I almost screamed.

– Calm down, please! There’s no need to dramatize. You won’t be here. For two whole weeks the house will be empty. And she needs help – she needs to stay somewhere. We won’t lose anything. Plus, we need someone we trust to look after the house.

– Do you trust her? – My bitter sarcasm was hard to miss.

– Yes, don’t you? – She looked at me intensely.

I was embarrassed. What objections could I raise?

– Okay, – I waved my hand, – let it be so. Let’s go…

I didn’t have real proof yet.

Proof of what? I wish I knew it myself.

*

We had a great time in Germany – having done the work part, we relaxed and enjoyed ourselves – slept late, took long walks, did some sightseeing, explored several art-galleries and churches, tried local food. Lisa called home only once – just before leaving.

I heard all the affectionate names she called Nina – there were «darling» and «sweetie», and «baby», and, of course, «kiss you». But that didn’t mean much – it’s her usual habit to darling everyone.

*

Nina met us on the doorstep when we arrived:

– Welcome! Welcome home! How was the trip?

Lisa threw her bag on the floor and they kissed.

– Everything was wonderful! But home is best! – Lisa winked at me. – Especially when you are so much awaited and welcomed at home.

I greeted Nina by the hand and asked politely how she had been doing there.

– Oh, great! A resort, really. I read away – you have such a wonderful library!

– I take your word for it. I haven’t read one third of it yet.

– There is breakfast and an apple pie in the kitchen. I must get going. Thank you for hosting me.

– And you won’t have breakfast with us? – Lisa was upset that she was leaving.

– No, sorry, I can’t. I am already late! I’ll come back only in the evening. She glanced apprehensively at me. – I just wanted to meet you and say hello.

– Well, have a good day!

– Has she found a new apartment yet? – I asked Lisa as soon as the door closed behind Nina.

– Yes, she has, but it will be possible to move there only in a week. So she will stay with us for a few days.

– No, it’s just …impossible! This is nonsense!

– Don’t worry so much. It’s not for long. She is very pleasant to talk to, and she is a good company for me.

– But she can’t be your friend! She’s fifteen years younger than you!

– So what? The main thing is that we are like-minded people.

– Yeah, of course. I know her mind better than you do!

– Yes, to hell with her mind. I just like her.

– You like her?

– Yes. She is funny.

– Ha-ha. Funny. And what’s so funny about her?

– She thinks and reasons so maturely and profoundly, with such a wise sophisticated look. And yet she is quite a child – so naïve and… pure. – Lisa smiled so dreamily that everything inside me went cold.