Josephine Cox - The Journey

‘And you recall what a valued friend Dr Lucas was?’ Her voice shook. Oh, the memories! She swallowed hard and went on: ‘I just thought it might be nice to renew an old friendship.’

The truth was, Lucy had other reasons for wanting him here, but she didn’t want to worry anyone. Not yet. Although the doctors hereabouts were fine, experienced men, she could not bring herself to trust them for something this serious. If there was one man who would tell her the truth, it was Raymond Lucas.

‘I’m getting older, Adam. As each day passes, the memories become more vivid.’ She drew herself up. ‘I need to thank Dr Lucas for what he did. I want to see him, that’s all … before it’s too late.’

Alarmed, the little man looked her in the eye. ‘Are you sure there’s something you’re not telling me?’

‘Such as what?’

Dismissing her question he asked, ‘What exactly did Dr Nolan say to you when he saw you at the surgery last week?’

She tutted. ‘I’ve already told you. He said I needed to slow down. That I was exhausted.’

‘And that’s all? Nothing else?’

Tutting again, Lucy snapped, ‘Stop fretting! I’ve already told you, I’m fit as a fiddle – for an old ’un anyway.’ She chuckled, ‘If they want rid of me, they’ll have to shoot me first.’

There was a lengthy silence, charged with things unsaid. The bond between them was deep.

Even though the passage of their lives was already well run, there was nothing Adam Chives wanted more than to make Lucy Davidson his wife. He longed to take care of her, spoil her, hold her tight when she was sad and laugh with her when she was happy. To be there when she went to sleep and waiting beside her when she awoke; to share every precious moment of her life. That was all he had wanted for a long, long time.

Lucy knew it had been on the tip of his tongue to propose to her. She recognised the signs, the twinkle in his eye and the ache in his voice, and she had to disappoint him yet again. ‘I don’t want you worrying about me, old friend. You just need to remember, I’m no longer a spring chicken – and the same goes for you.’ Sometimes her bones ached until she thought they would seize up altogether, and on occasions, when she had walked with her stick too far, her fingers curled round the handle and would not let go.

Reaching out, she took hold of his hand. ‘I’m a lucky woman to have such a friend – the very best friend any woman could ever have.’ Except for Barney, she thought. But then he had been more than a friend. He had been everything to her: friend, hero, lover, soulmate and confidant. All the men in the world rolled into one could never replace her beloved Barney.

Yet she owed this dear man so much. ‘I could never have got through these past years without you.’ She squeezed his hand fondly. ‘You have to believe that.’

Gazing at her, his heart flooding with all kinds of emotions, he said gruffly, ‘You know I’ll always be here for you, whenever you need me.’

His heartfelt promise touched her deeply. ‘Oh, Adam! So many secrets,’ she murmured regretfully, ‘so much pain. Whatever I do, I can’t bring him back. I can’t make it all better. Sometimes, when I’m in my bed with the sleep lying heavy on me, the awful memories come flooding back, and I think about Barney’s loved ones.’ She lowered her gaze. ‘I should tell them, shouldn’t I?’

Adam sighed deeply. ‘You must follow your heart on that one, Lucy, my lass. I can’t advise. No one can.’

‘If only I knew whether it would make matters better or worse.’ Her voice broke. ‘God help me, old friend, I don’t know what to do.’

‘You should ask yourself: if you were to tell them, would it be to ease their burden … or your own?’

Lucy had already asked herself that same question many times. ‘I don’t think anything could ease my burden,’ she answered thoughtfully, ‘but it pains me badly, to think they may never know what sort of man he really was.’

Sometimes the weight of it all was unbearable. ‘For the rest of their lives, they’ll remember what happened; they’ll think of it and the bitterness will rise. They can never see the truth. They’ll see it the way Barney wanted them to see it.’ She gulped back the threatening tears. ‘That’s a terrible thing, you know, Adam. It isn’t fair to them, and it isn’t fair to Barney.’

Weighing it up in his mind, Adam slowly nodded his head. ‘You must do what your heart tells you, my darling,’ he reiterated kindly. ‘Like I say, no one can advise you on that, though once the truth is out, there’ll be no going back. You do realise that, don’t you?’

‘Only too well.’ The words sailed out on a long, quiet sigh. ‘What would it do to them? Would they blame themselves? Would they blame me … or Barney? And could they ever find it in their hearts to forgive?’

With both her hands she grabbed him by the arm, as though clinging to him for support. ‘God help me, Adam, if I make the wrong decision, they could be hurt beyond belief. And that wouldn’t be right, because none of it was their doing.’

‘What about Mary?’ Having seen her grow up, he had great affection for Lucy’s daughter. ‘Will you tell her ?’

‘She will have to know at some stage.’ Lucy had been giving it some thought for a long time now. ‘I’ve agonised about what it would do to her if she learned the real truth about her daddy, but I’ve always known there would come a day when I would have to tell her the whole story.’

A look of pride flashed in her eyes. ‘Mary is strong. What she learns will come as a shock to her, yes, but I truly believe that in the end, she might just be the one to hold it all together.’

For a moment, the two of them sat and held hands, united. Then, breaking the moment, Lucy let go and looked mischievously at Adam.

‘Before I let you go, will you do me another favour?’

‘Of course!’

‘Knock on Elsie Langton’s door and ask her if she wouldn’t mind coming back to prepare a meal for three.’

He chuckled. ‘You old fox! You’ve got it all planned, haven’t you?’

‘Well, the two of them will never get together with him in the garden freezing half to death and her in the kitchen getting all hot and bothered. It’s up to us old ones to show them the way.’ She gave him a little push. ‘Go on then! Fetch yon Elsie back and tell her she’ll be paid double time for the pleasure.’

Standing up, he looked down on her with admiration. ‘Consider it done,’ he said.

She waved her hand impatiently. ‘Get a move on, then! Don’t stand there until Mary’s up to her neck in potato peelings and cabbage. A whiff of that and our Prince Charming will be gone for good!’

Adam laughed out loud. ‘Mary’s right. You really are all kinds of a bully.’ With that he went away at a smart pace, chuckling and jingling the keys to the big car.

Then he wondered once more about the real reason she had wanted to see Dr Lucas, and his heart sank. God forbid that anything should happen to her, for the world would be a darker place without his Lucy.

Reaching the smithy, Adam parked the big black car and walked up the footpath to the front door. Knowing how Charlie Langton was a bit deaf, he made a fist and knocked soundly on the door.

‘Gawd Almighty!’ Having rushed to see who was at his door, Elsie Langton’s husband was none too pleased to learn the reason for this late visit.

‘Can’t you buggers look after yerselves for five minutes!’ An old Lancastrian who had moved down south many years back, Charlie had lost none of his accent, and even less of his attitude. But he was harmless enough and there had never been such a dedicated blacksmith; besides which he always gave sweets to the children and was straightforward to deal with. You always knew where you were with Charlie, and after a while, folks had come to respect and like him.