Amber McKenzie - The Surgeon's Baby Secret

“Why would I regret this?”

He wanted to be as honest as she had been. Because he was a physician and she didn’t know. Because maybe her deeply hidden sadness was making her vulnerable to him. “Because I’m worried I’m taking advantage of you.”

He watched as her arms crossed protectively across her chest and she ran a hand through her hair, which had become wild as it dried from the rain. “In what way?”

“In that I saved your life and maybe you feel indebted to me.”

“I don’t. I’m grateful, but I don’t.”

“Okay, but what about the fact that you admitted you were running away from a disaster in your life?”

“I think that’s for me to worry about.”

“Not just you, Erin.”

“I think I should go.”

He instinctively lifted her down from the dresser he had perched her on and backed away. He watched as she looked at the wet heap that was her shirt and bra on the floor before deciding to leave it and making her way to the door.

She shut the door of her room and collapsed against the back of it before sinking down on the floor. He hadn’t stopped her and he hadn’t followed her, and how she had wanted him to. The worst part was that she believed him and understood why he had stopped.

Ryan saw her as fragile and he didn’t want to take advantage of her. Where had he been three years ago? And how she wished he had been wrong, but the truth was she was still vulnerable. And maybe she would always have that vulnerability that had been born from being broken.

Was she making a good decision with Ryan? She knew she wanted him and wished he hadn’t stopped what had been the most sensual encounter she had ever experienced. But she also couldn’t deny that she wasn’t in a good position emotionally to be making major life choices. But was Ryan that? She had convinced herself last night that he was a holiday indulgence to be enjoyed but after today he felt like more. And what was worse, she actually respected and trusted him more for turning her away. So where did that leave them now?

A KNOCK AT HER hotel room door roused her from the late-afternoon nap she had been indulging in. After she had lifted herself from the room’s floor and showered the chill from her body she curled up in the hotel-provided terry-toweling robe, thinking of all the questions she had no answers for.

She fastened the robe’s sash tightly and then made her way to the door. She opened the door slightly to see Ryan, who also looked drier than the last time she had seen him. She opened the door wider and stepped aside to allow him inside. Both her eyes and her nose spotted the bag of food he was carrying.

“I thought I would bring dinner to you.”

She glanced at the room’s clock and realized that her late-afternoon nap had spread well into the evening and it was past eight.

“Thank you,” she said cautiously, not knowing where they stood. “How did you know which room I was in?”

“I saw you last night on your balcony and you’re welcome.” He went ahead and set up his offering on the round table adjacent to the glass balcony doors and she took the seat intended for her.

“Smells delicious,” she remarked, trying to keep their conversation neutral but realizing she was more than happy at his reappearance.

“It’s nice to see you smile. I was worried I had ruined things between us.”

His confession brought out an instant relaxation in her and the awkwardness of the aftermath of the previous encounter dissolved.

“You haven’t.”

“I hope you like traditional Scottish fare. It was what the restaurant recommended and it seemed fitting. Plus they had the bread pudding that you seemed very fond of last night.” He was smiling to accompany the gentle familiarity of his teasing.

“You know what they say about holidays—it’s the time to indulge.”

“Yes.” His voice had changed and contained a masculine huskiness as she realized the other meanings of her words. It was clear that, whatever had happened between them, he still wanted her, too.

“So what are your plans?” she asked, trying to shift the focus from their almost sexual encounter.

He choked on the glass of water he had been sipping from. “Excuse me?”

“For the rest of your time in Scotland,” she amended, realizing he’d thought she had been asking about his plans for her.

“I have a commitment the day after tomorrow and then I have to return to the base. What are your plans, Erin?”

“Today was my last free day.”

“I refuse to accept that.”

“I’m afraid it’s true. I have two days of meetings then I’m flying back to the States the next morning.”

“But your nights are free?”

“That depends. Why did you stop earlier?” She needed to know. She wasn’t prepared to spend more time torturing herself by being with Ryan and wondering how he felt about her and what his intentions were.

“I thought we had covered that.”

“What if I wanted to readdress it?”

“Your tattoo.”

“What?” She didn’t understand his comment.

“Your tattoo.”

“Considering your own ink, I’m surprised you have a problem with a woman having a tattoo.”

“I don’t. I actually think it’s beautiful. You can tell that you had it placed for only you to see.”

“I did.” How did this man read her so well?

“It’s a weeping willow, and it reminded me that the one thing I don’t want to do is hurt you.”

“So don’t.” She was rewarded with his smile. “Did you know weeping willows are known for their tenacious roots that continue life, but the trees themselves are also a symbol of compassion? My tattoo symbolizes tenacity and compassion, both qualities of the weeping willow and both qualities I strive to possess.”

“You don’t think you already do?”

“I think, to be the person I want to be and the physician I want to be, I need to work on both.”

“I like you the way you are.”

It was what she needed to hear after years of being not enough for a husband who hadn’t valued or loved her. Ryan’s words empowered her. “Thank you. I feel the same way about you. What if I told you you were what I needed? Would that change your mind?”

“Explain.” She saw him shifting in his chair and knew she had gotten through to him.

“Maybe what I need is time with a man I respect and who actually renews my faith in men and maybe myself.”

“I’m a soldier, first and foremost. I couldn’t promise you anything.”

“I don’t want you to promise me anything. I’ve been promised the world by a man and it didn’t work out. So you don’t need to worry about not giving me a promise for forever because even if you did I wouldn’t accept it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

He stood from his chair opposite her and she took a deep breath of anticipation until he started walking away from her. “If you are still sure tomorrow then I’ll pick you up at seven tomorrow night. If you change your mind, please just stand me up so that I don’t try to change it back.”

She watched mutely as he walked away and then was surprised when he suddenly turned back. She felt him lift her from her chair and gather her in his arms before his lips made contact with hers. It was hot, it was hard and it was every bit as passionate as she wanted. When he broke away she was gasping for air but still not wanting it to have ended.

“Just in case you needed a reminder. Good night, sleep tight.”

How was she ever going to make it until seven tonight? A restless night, thinking of the possibilities, had left her completely devoid of sleep. Added to that, she seemed to have forgotten the skill of being able to sit through hours of seminars and she had no ability to focus on the lectures being presented. The International Society of Obstetrics and Gynecology conference had been her original reason for the trip to Scotland but now it was the furthest thing from her mind.