М Стедман - The Light Between Oceans - A Novel

The forest sings to him: the rain tapping on the leaves, dripping into the puddles, the kookaburras laughing like madmen at some joke beyond human comprehension. He has the sensation of being part of a connected whole, of being enough. Another day or another decade will not change this. He is embraced by nature, which is waiting, ultimately, to receive him, to re-organise his atoms into another shape.

The rain is falling more heavily, and in the distance, thunder grumbles at being left behind by the lightning.

CHAPTER 34

THE ADDICOTTS LIVED in a house which, but for a few yards of sea grass, would have been paddling its toes in the ocean. The timber and brick were kept in good order by Ralph, and Hilda coaxed a small garden from the sandy soil at the back: zinnias and dahlias as garish as dancing girls bordered a trail to a little aviary in which finches chirped gaily, to the puzzlement of the native birds.

The smell of marmalade drifted through the windows and met Ralph as he trudged up the front path the day after Lucy had been found. As he took his cap off in the hallway, Hilda rushed to intercept him, the wooden spoon in her hand glistening like an orange lollipop. She put a finger to her lips and led him to the kitchen. ‘In the lounge room!’ she whispered, eyes wide. ‘Isabel Sherbourne! She’s been waiting for you.’

Ralph shook his head. ‘World’s gone bloody haywire.’

‘What does she want?’

‘That’s the trouble, I reckon. She can’t make up her mind what she wants.’

The small, tidy lounge room of the sea captain was decorated not with ships in bottles or scale models of men o’ war, but icons. The Archangels Michael and Raphael, the Madonna and Child, and numerous saints, stared at any visitors with stern calm from their place in eternity.

The glass of water beside Isabel was almost empty. Her eyes were fixed on an angel, his sword and shield in hand, poised over a serpent at his feet. Heavy clouds dimmed the room, so that the paintings seemed faint pools of gold, hovering in darkness.

She didn’t notice Ralph come in, and he watched her for a while before saying, ‘That was the first one I got. I fished a Russian sailor out of the drink, near Sevastopol, forty-odd years ago. Gave it to me as a thank-you.’ He spoke slowly, pausing now and then. ‘I picked up the others along the way in my merchant marine days.’ He gave a chuckle. ‘I’m hardly the Holy Joe sort, and I couldn’t tell you the first thing about painting. But there’s something about this lot that makes them talk back to you. Hilda says they keep her company when I’m away.’

He put his hands in his pockets and nodded towards the picture Isabel was looking at. ‘I’ve bent that fella’s ear in my time, I can tell you. Archangel Michael. There he is with his sword in his hand, but he’s got his shield half raised, too. Like he’s still making up his mind about something.’

The room fell silent, and the wind seemed to rattle the windows more urgently, demanding Isabel’s attention. All the way to the horizon, the waves thrashed in chaos, and the sky began to smudge with another approaching shower. Her mind was thrust back to Janus – back to the vast emptiness, back to Tom. She started to cry, in great sobs like waves, washing her back onto familiar shore at last.

Ralph sat down beside her, and held her hand. She wept and he sat, and nothing at all was said for a good half-hour.

Finally, Isabel ventured, ‘Lucy ran away last night because of me , Ralph – trying to find me. She could have died. Oh, Ralph, it’s all such a mess. I can’t talk to Mum and Dad about it …’

Still the old man stayed silent, holding Isabel’s hand, looking at the fingernails, bitten to the quick. He nodded his head slowly, just a touch. ‘She’s alive. And she’s safe.’

‘I only ever wanted her to be safe, Ralph. From the moment she arrived on Janus, I wanted to do what was best. She needed us. And we needed her .’ She paused. ‘ I needed her. When she just appeared – out of nowhere – it was a miracle, Ralph. I was sure she was meant to be with us. It was so crystal clear. A little baby had lost her parents, we ’d lost a little baby …

‘I love her so much.’ She blew her nose. ‘Out there … Ralph, you’re one of the only people in the world who knows what it’s like on Janus. One of the only people who can imagine. But even you’ve never waved the boat off: stood on that jetty and heard the sound of the engine die away, watched the boat get smaller and smaller. You don’t know what it’s like to say goodbye to the world for years at a time. Janus was real. Lucy was real. Everything else was just make-believe.

‘By the time we found out about Hannah Roennfeldt – oh, it was too late then, Ralph. I just didn’t have it in me to give Lucy up: I couldn’t do that to her.’

The old man sat, breathing slowly and deeply, nodding now and again. He resisted any urge to question or contradict her. Keeping silent was the best way to help her; to help everyone.

‘We were such a happy family. Then, when the police came to the island – when I heard what Tom had done – nothing felt safe. Nowhere was safe. Not even inside myself was safe. I was so hurt, and so angry. And terrified. Nothing made sense, from the moment the policeman told me about the rattle.’

She looked at him. ‘What have I done?’ The question wasn’t rhetorical. She was searching for a mirror, something to show her what she could not see.

‘Can’t say that concerns me as much as what you’re going to do now.’

‘There’s nothing I can do. Everything’s ruined. There’s no point in anything any more.’

‘That man loves you, you know. That’s got to be worth something.’

‘But what about Lucy? She’s my daughter , Ralph.’ She searched for a way to explain. ‘Can you imagine asking Hilda to give away one of her children?’

‘This isn’t giving away. This is giving back , Isabel.’

‘But wasn’t Lucy given to us? Isn’t that what God was asking of us?’

‘Maybe He was asking you to look after her. And you did. And maybe now He’s asking you to let someone else do that.’ He puffed out a breath. ‘Hell, I’m not a priest. What do I know about God? But I do know that there’s a man about to give up everything – everything – to protect you. Do you think that’s right?’

‘But you saw what happened yesterday. You know how desperate Lucy is. She needs me, Ralph. How could I explain it to her? You can’t expect her to understand, not at her age.’

‘Sometimes life turns out hard, Isabel. Sometimes it just bites right through you. And sometimes, just when you think it’s done its worst, it comes back and takes another chunk.’

‘I thought it had done all it could to me, years ago.’

‘If you think things are bad now, they’ll be a whole lot worse if you don’t speak up for Tom. This is serious, Isabel. Lucy’s young. She’s got people who want to care for her, and give her a good life. Tom’s got no one. I never saw a man who less deserved to suffer than Tom Sherbourne.’

Under the watchful gaze of saints and angels, Ralph continued, ‘God knows what got into the pair of you out there. There’s been lie upon lie, all with the best intentions. But it’s gone far enough. Everything you’ve done to help Lucy has hurt someone else. Good God, of course I understand how hard it must be for you. But that Spragg’s a nasty piece of work and I wouldn’t put anything past him. Tom’s your husband. For better or worse, in sickness and in health. Unless you want to see him in gaol, or—’ He couldn’t finish the sentence. ‘I reckon this is your last chance.’