Susan Donovan: Aint too proud to beg

Mrs. Needleman folded her hands neatly in her lap. But hes tried to contact you?

Josie swore the old lady was trying not to smile, and she didnt appreciate her attitude. Several times a day. But Im not returning his calls.

I see.

Whats the point? Josie asked, growing more pissed off by the second. Ive learned my lesson for good this time. I dont want any more men in my life. Why bother? Theyll only use you and lie to you and then leave you.

Gloria made a tsk-tsk sound behind her teeth. So, refresh my memory, dear. How exactly did Rick use you?

Josie froze. That was an interesting question, and she decided to organize the list of offenses in her mind before she shared it with Gloria. Unfortunately, her mind went blank.

Josie?

Rick had made her laugh. He had taught her what it felt like to make love. He had put her safety and happiness above his own. Hed chosen her to be the one woman hed confide in, trust, and love. He had told her she was sexy and beautiful. Hed given her that gorgeous painting, simply because shed liked it! Hed enjoyed her eggplant Parmesan. Hed even cooked for hernaked.

Dear God, he even liked her /dog/.

Uh… Josie said.

Gloria smiled cheerfully. And when exactly did he leave you?

Josie felt her eyes go big. She didnt say anything.

Is there any chance that Rick wasnt lying to you at all? Mrs. Needlemans eyes got that laserlike focus that made Josie uncomfortable. Is it possible that he was truthful, and you are the one who left him, and for no good reason whatsoever?

Josie remained quiet, but the inside of her head was roaring.

How will you ever know if you dont communicate?

That was enough. Josie jumped from the couch and grabbed her bag. She headed for the door, the tears streaming down her face. Her hand trembled as it grabbed the doorknob.

Dont blow it, dear girl.

She spun aroundMrs. Needleman was once again right up against her. Josie shook her head. If I go to him, hell tell me what I want to hear. But how will I know whats real? There will always be this little voice in my head telling me I made the biggest mistake of my life trusting him again. Ill always be waiting for the next shoe to drop.

Gloria nodded. Well, then theres only one last-ditch option.

Whats that?

Follow your instincts. Have faith in love.

Josies hand slid behind her back, where she rooted around for the doorknob.

Ira and I werent perfect. Oy! Far from it. Gloria shrugged. There were times I couldnt stand being in the same room with that man.

How convenient that Gloria skipped over that part for Iras obit, Josie thought.

Oh, but how I loved him. A smile spread over Glorias wrinkled face and her eyes mellowed. Many times I would look at Ira and feel a sacredness in our being together. I knew he was my soul mate, the other being handpicked by the universe to help me grow into fullness on this earth.

Josie was taken aback. Thats pretty deep, she said, slowly turning the knob.

Ira was my beloved. And I have reason to believe that Rick is yours.

Glorias eyes bored into Josies widening gaze. Some mystics say that if you are lucky enough to find your complementary soul, the Divine steps in to create a third entitya spirit companion, if you willwhose only job is to watch over the two of you.

Josie swallowed hard. She pulled the door open a crack. Nice idea.

But if you turn your back on your beloved… Gloria pressed a hand to her heart, as if overwrought by what she was about to say. Dear girl, if you consciously turn away from your belovedthe one designed to love your human heart into perfectionthen the spirit companion leaves you. It never returns. And the goodness that was meant to be will never come to pass.

Josie blinked a few times, letting the words sink it. Great, she thought. Not only had she failed spectacularly in loveyet againbut this time shed also managed to tell her guardian angel to fuck off and die.

Go to Rick. Talk to him. Afterward, if you know in your gut that Rick is not your beloved Gloria poked a finger into Josies belly, then tell him so and be on your way. It is your choice.

Josie felt her shoulders sag. She nodded slowly and sighed, yanking her bag higher on her shoulder. All right, Gloria. Maybe Ill talk to him. I guess it wouldnt hurt to get some closure, one way or the other.

Thats the spirit! Gloria slipped something into her hand. Josie stared at the words on the business card: /The Reverend Mrs. Gloria Needleman, Universal Spiritual Church; Notary Public; Wedding Officiate; Mensch.

Payment Plans Available./ Josie laughed. She half expected Mrs. Needleman to tell her she was pulling her leg.

Instead, Gloria leaned close. In a conspiratorial whisper she said, Im already booked solid for June.

Gloria was right. Josie was being hardheaded. Rick deserved a chance to explain. Hadnt Josie once promised him that shed be kind and forgiving?

These last ten days had been filled with nothing but grief, anger, betrayal, and general nastiness, and she hated the way it made her feel.

By the time she reached her friends at the top of the hill at Dolores Park, shed made her decision. There would be no going back.

The women stopped dead when she appeared, not only because they didnt expect her, but because of Genghiss drastic change in appearance. They stared in disbelief, mouths open, eyes big.

Jesus H! Bea shouted. Did he have a fight with Edward Scissorhands or something?

Hes bald, Ginger whispered. He looksI dont knowlike a big Vienna sausage with legs.

Gee, thanks, Josie said.

Lilith growled and snarled at Genghis, a male dog she did not recognize.

Roxie cracked up laughing. What the hell happened to him?

I got him clipped yesterday.

More like skinned, Bea corrected.

Ginger gasped. Is this what Celestial Pet gives you for free? Because if it is, I think you should go ahead and spend a few bucks.

Okay. I know he looks strange. Josie could add guilt to the long list of negative emotions shed been wallowing in. I took him to this little place off Twenty-first Street on a whim, when we were out walking. I tend to do impulsive things when Im depressed.

Ginger shook her head in dismay. For the love of God, go shopping next time, Jozeyou can always take a pair of shoes back to the store.

Roxie tilted her head. Ive missed you. Im glad youre here. She gave Josie a quick hug.

Ive missed you guys, too, Josie said. I wanted to tell you that Ive thought about it, and Im going to talk to Rick.

Thank God! Bea shouted, jumping up and down in her Reeboks. Martina must have thought it was some kind of agility exercise because she jumped with her, barking with joy.

Roxie and Ginger threw their arms around Josie and rocked her back and forth, squealing with excitement. Everybodys leashes got tangled. An oncoming dog walker opted to take a wide detour around the chaotic group, while Lilith snarled.

I /knew/ I could talk you into it, Bea said, when she finished jumping.

Josie picked a strand of Gingers hair from her lips and said, Mrs.

Needleman did that.

Really? Bea looked hurt.

But you helped, Josie quickly added. And so did you two. She peeled Ginger and Roxie off her shirt.

Ginger began fanning her flushed face. Rick is an absolute gem of a man.

And Josie, he loves you. Isnt that the Gods truth? Ginger looked to Roxie for confirmation.

Damn right, Roxie said. That man adores you, Josie. Hes been like a lost puppy without you since the kidnapping. He blames himself for putting you in dangerhe thinks thats why youre angry with him!

Well, its not, Josie said quietly. Like I told you, something else has been bothering me, but I realize I cant figure it out aloneI need Ricks help.

Ginger sighed. If you two get back together, it will be the most romantic thing Ive ever witnessed in my life.