Susan Donovan: The girl most likely to…

Oh my God! Help! Somebody help me! Kat covered her head with her arms and yelled as loud as she could, hearing the beat of what sounded like a million wings above her head, a loud cacophony of screeching, and an endless /scratch-scratch-scratch/ of agitated bird feet.

Didn't we almost have it all!

I wanna dance with somebody! /Help!/ A door opened. A bony older woman in black spandex leggings and an oversized Cal Ripken baseball jersey appeared next to the bed. For crying out loud! You'd think you were being attacked by Freddy Krueger or something. These here are just a few harmless budgie boys.

Kat panted, her mind a total confused mess of dream and wakefulness, and it took her a few seconds to realize everything was real. The pregnancy test… being told she could only stay in school until she showed..

. Riley breaking up with her… seeing her dad and that woman together in the studio… destroying the sculpture… her mother sending her away… the ride in the semi… and this ladywhat was her name again?this lady who'd made Kat toast and told her to lie down.

I'm going to puke, Kat said.

Not in here you ain't. The woman finished returning all the birds into their appropriate cages and double-checked the latches. You'll have to learn to keep an eye on Boris, here. He opens his cage and then goes around springing everyone else free, singing Top Forty hits the whole while.

Where's your bathroom? Kat knew she had no time for a chat.

The lady pointed into the hall. Second door on the left.

Kat leaped to her feet and barely made it into the bathroom before she tossed her toast. Her limbs felt so weak that she decided to stay curled up in a ball on the fuzzy pink bath rug for the rest of her life. She raised her head when she heard the shower running.

You'll feel better once you have a hot shower and put on some clean clothes. You and I are about the same size, so I'll get you something to wear.

Kat was rolling her eyes at the prospect of what fashion choices awaited her when a thin arm went around her waist and a strong hand pulled her to her feet. We're gonna have a nice long chat, you and me, figure out what's what. But right now, I've got to get over to the Sacred Heart o'

Jesus social hall. If I don't show up at least fifteen minutes early, lard-ass Josefina Dubrowski will try to take my lucky seat, and I need every penny I can get my hands on for that start-up IPO next Wednesday.

Huh? Kat felt unsteady. She'd understood exactly nothing of what the woman just said, but Kat thought it might have had something to do with Jesus and some kind of birth control. She really should have paid more attention in family health class.

Then the lady did the strangest thing. She kissed Kat on the cheek and gave her a hug. Knockers up, hon. You're going to be just fine. I'll be home by eleven. /Miami Vice/ is on tonight, if you like Don Johnson, and what normal girl doesn't? But don't go opening any of the cages while I'm away, because you're not used to the birdies yet. There's some Tuna Helper on a plate in the oven for you.

The instant the lady closed the bathroom door behind her, Kat was back on her knees on the fuzzy pink rug, the pain of loss in her gut and the words Tuna Helper ringing in her ears.

How long till we get there?

Nola's question snapped Kat out of the home movie that had been playing in her brain. She was surprised to find herself behind the wheel, and it took her a moment to remember that they were on their way to the hospital to check on her dad.

Kat put the Jaguar in fifth gear and let it loose on the country road, looking around her to get her bearings. The leaves of the Monongahela National Forest glimmered all around her like millions of gemstones in the sunset, and Kat felt guilty that all that extravagant beauty was wasted on her. She hadn't even noticed.

About fifteen minutes, she answered Nola. When Kat realized what she'd just said, a lump of dread formed in her chest. In that amount of time she'd be at Davis Memorial Hospital in Elkins, where she would encounter a mother and father she hadn't laid eyes on in twenty years. Her father would probably be hooked up to wires and tubes, and her mother would most definitely be hysterical. And the place itself didn't exactly hold fond memories for Kat, since the last time she'd been there was for that fateful visit to the family-planning clinic, where she'd found out she was going to have a family she hadn't planned.

Are you sure you're OK to drive, hon?

I'm great. /Poor Nola,/ Kat thought. She'd convinced her best friend to come along for a weekend of sweet revenge. So far they'd come up short on both counts.

I know this is turning into the road trip to hell, Kat said. I probably should have thought this through a little more.

Her friend dismissed her with a wave of her hand. The important thing is you're actually here, right now, dealing with the luggage you've been carrying around all these years. You're brave, hon.

Kat grinned, both at Nola's usual mangling of the language and at her wishful thinking. Bravery had nothing to do with this trip. Kat was here to rub a few noses in the aroma of her success. She wanted to collect a few heartfelt apologies. She wanted to say a few things to a few people and then get on with her lifewhatever exciting, adventurous, wonderful life she decided she wanted to have.

Or is it baggage? Nola wondered aloud.

It's baggage.

Right. Baggage. In fact, on /Oprah/ the other day they were talking about how facing your deepest fears head-on is the only path to inner peace and happiness. Nola checked her lip gloss in the mirror, then snapped the visor back into place with a chuckle. And I thought to myself, /Well, damn!/ No wonder so many of us are walking around so fucking miserable all the time. Who wants to do that?

Kat laughed. Nola had been making her laugh since their first day in English 101 at Baltimore City Community College fifteen years and three husbands ago. None of Nola's marriages had resulted in kids, but she'd long ago volunteered to round out the trinity of mother figures in Aidan's life. It never failed to amaze Kat how normal her kid had turned out, considering that he was raised by an unwed hillbilly teenager, a chain-smoking parakeet lady, and a tough little Italian girl with highly sophisticated street smarts and extremely loose morals.

Kat smiled to herself, thinking maybe that was why Aidan seemed so comfortable around women of any age, shape, ethnicity, or state of mindhe'd already seen it all.

Now, what I want to know is how come Riley Bohunk was the one who called the B and B with the news about your dad?

Kat had been wondering the same thing, and shrugged. He probably heard about it around town, found out where I was staying, and decided to let me know.

Must be hard to keep a secret in a place this size. Nola fluffed her newly cut and colored hair, and Kat had to admit that her friend looked like a million bucks. After being waxed, tweezed, exfoliated, manicured, foiled, trimmed, and polished within an inch of their lives, they both did. And the actual cost was only about thirty-five grand, including the week in the Royal Suite at the Four Seasons and the retail therapy sessions at Barneys. The XJ7 with the moonroof, the navigation system, heated seats, and iPod interface was a little extra.

News travels fast around here, Kat said.

So your parents probably know you're back.

Oh yeah. I'm thinking that's why my dad keeled over.

Nola stared out the window and craned her neck to see the top of the tree line. It's real pretty here, Kat. If you like the country, I mean.

Personally, I'd go ape shit if I had to live outside of Bawlmer County.

I bet you can't find a decent calzone within a hundred miles.

Kat chuckled. I would imagine you're correct about that.