Janelle Denison: Wild for Him

His gaze roamed over her face and came to a stop on the swollen, bluish-purple mark on the right side of her cheek where Craig had hit her, which would eventually match the bruises still on her shoulder and stomach, courtesy of Jason.

Ben gave her a lopsided grin, but didn't reach out and touch her as she wished he would. "What is it about you that turns men into psychopaths?" he teased, obviously trying to keep things light and easy between them.

"Must be my sparkling personality," she said with equal amounts of humor. "But don't worry, as far as I know, there's no more jilted men lurking out there."

"Good thing." His expression turned much too serious. "Are you going to be okay?"

Physically, she knew she'd heal. Emotionally, though, she had a feeling that it was going to take her a very long time to recover from the pain tightening like a vise around her heart.

"I'm fine," she assured him. "It'll take more than a shiner or a couple of shots with a paintball gun to do me in. I'm not all fluff, you know."

A low, rough rumble of laughter escaped him. "Yeah, you're one tough cookie."

She realized how strong she'd become over the past few weeks-internally and mentally-and knew she had Ben and his support and encouragement to thank for a lot of her transformation. "I guess I'm just done with letting people walk all over me. I've had enough and I'm not taking it anymore," she said playfully.

He didn't smile as she'd expected him to. "It's a good mentality to have." He paused, and she knew what was coming even before the words left his mouth. "I should go."

She crossed her arms over her chest, mirroring his stubborn attitude. "What if I want you to stay?"

A muscle in his jaw ticked. "Another night together isn't going to make ending this any easier."

She shook her head, wondering if he was being deliberately obtuse to avoid the real underlying issues between them. If so, she was about to put everything out there so there would be no mistaking what she wanted, or how she felt about him.

"The thing is, I don't want just one last night with you, Ben. I want, and need, a whole lot more."

"That's part of the problem, Christine," he said gruffly, his eyes flashing with gold flecks of anger. "I just don't have it in me to give you everything you need and deserve. You've known that all along."

Yes, he'd made it abundantly clear that he didn't fit into her life, and that his emotions had been stripped raw from past experiences, but she just didn't believe that he was dead inside, that he didn't have the ability to care for another woman, because she'd seen and felt evidence to the contrary.

"I love you, Ben," she said, risking it all for him. "With all my heart, with all my soul, with everything I am." She swallowed hard, hating that dark look of denial pinching his gorgeous features. "And whether you can admit it to yourself, or not, I know you feel something for me, too."

He groaned, sounding like a man who'd been mortally wounded. "I can't do this again, Christine."

Okay, that hurt-that she didn't mean enough to him for him to take a chance, that she wasn't worth the risk to his already battered heart. It also made her angry enough to confront him with what she knew to be true.

"You haven't said the words, but I know you love me, too," she said ruthlessly. "I've seen the emotion in your eyes. I felt it with every fiber of my being the night you told me that we were making love ."

He took a step toward her. "Christine-"

She held up a hand to keep him at a distance. "Don't say anything. I don't what to hear you deny the truth, to me or yourself. I know what's real and true. You obviously don't and I can't force you to see or feel something that you won't allow to touch your heart or emotions."

He released a harsh stream of breath and looked away.

But she wasn't done with him just yet. Her throat filled with frustrated tears, and she swallowed them back, refusing to let them fall free in front of Ben. There would be plenty of time for crying later, when she was alone.

"After my mother's controlling influence, then everything that happened with Jason, I thought what I wanted was freedom and independence and being on my own for a good long while," she told him, knowing he was listening even if he wasn't looking at her. "But you know what? I realized during these past few weeks of being with you that it's a matter of finding the right man who completes me in ways that no other person ever has. A man I can talk to about anything, and trust with the most private aspects of my life, and my past. A man who makes me feel sexy, and desirable, and has shown me that I'm fully capable of experiencing and enjoying passion and lust and the kind of intense pleasure I'd only fantasized about."

Finally, she reached out and touched him, because that physical connection was absolutely necessary. Caressing her fingertips along his jaw, she turned his head back toward her so he was forced to meet her gaze again. "If you don't already know, that man is you , Ben. You're everything I want and need in my life, and if you're ever ready to stop using your past and the guilt you've allowed to consume you as an excuse to deny your true feelings for me, you know where I am and how to find me."

She took a step back, then another, feeling the chasm between them growing ever wider in so many ways. "You can let yourself out," she said, then turned and headed back to her bedroom, knowing she wouldn't be able to bear watching him walk out of her life for the final time.

"THOSE of us guys who aren't wearing a ball and chain like Joel are heading over to Nick's Sports Bar for some beer and a few games of pool," Kevin said to Ben after his playful dig to the newly married partner at Elite Security Specialists. "Care to join us for a round or two?"

"Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it," Joel said in defense of what he'd referred to as wedded bliss since returning from his honeymoon a few days ago. "There's something to be said about going home every night to a woman who loves and adores you." He grinned like the besotted fool that he was.

Kevin rolled his eyes as he pushed away from the conference table and stood. "Okay. Whatever. That whole one-woman thing just isn't for me."

"Hey, to each his own," Joel said in understanding, since he'd felt the same way not too long ago. "But being in love with the right woman and having a wife does tend to change a guy's priorities."

"Gawd, it's getting sickeningly sweet in here," Kevin said with an exaggerated shudder, then glanced at Ben. "You in or you out, Cabrera?"

Ben shook his head as he picked up a file folder that held the details of his next assignment. "Sorry, I won't be able to make it," he said brusquely.

Kevin jammed his hands on his hips impatiently. "Okay, look, we've got Joel who has his head in the clouds, which I can understand considering he just spent the past week getting laid on a regular basis, and then there's you, the exact opposite. Ever since the Delacroix case ended, you've been one moody son of a bitch."

Ben's lips tightened in annoyance. "For your information, I have an appointment with Nathan Delacroix in about an hour, not that I owe you an explanation for not wanting to go and hang out with you guys at a singles' bar."

Kevin held his hands up in a sign of backing off, his expression contrite for pushing Ben a bit too far. "Okay, you go and tend to business. If you change your mind and want to join Jon, Zach and I, you know where to find us."

Once Kevin left with Jon and Zach. Ben walked out of the ESS offices with Joel. Before they parted ways to their different vehicles, Joel stopped and faced Ben, his features filled with concern.

"Seriously, are you okay?" Joel asked. "I hate to admit it, but Kevin's right. You haven't been yourself."