Lucy Gordon - Daniel and Daughter

'Yes,' Lee agreed quietly. 'He really is a nice man.'

Lee thought she was sure to fall asleep at once, but despite her tiredness she lay awake for hours that night. Mrs Hallam's words tormented her: 'I was so busy worrying about tomorrow that I neglected today… today is all we're ever sure of…everyone learns that too late.'

She'd refused to commit herself to her love, asking for some kind of guarantee for the future before she did so. But there were no guarantees. There were only risks. But it was love that gave you the courage to take those risks.

She loved Daniel. That was the only certainty. But she'd allowed fear to overcome her, as though fear were more important than love. And because her courage had failed she hadn't been the woman Daniel needed in his hour of crisis.

Brenda had said, 'I hope you marry Phoebe's father soon. You'll be a steadying influence on her.'

Daniel had sometimes blamed her unjustly, but he'd never thrown at her the accusation she now threw at herself: if she'd married him when he'd first asked she could have steered him clear of this disaster. She would have been living with him and Phoebe these last few weeks and then, she was sure, things would never have come to this pass.

He'd begged her to be his wife, out of love but also out of need. Some instinct had told him that she was the woman who could guide him away from the pitfalls. But she'd abandoned him in his need, leaving him to make mistake after mistake, with no one to help him.

Mrs Hallam had known the secret. 'Where one was foolish, the other was wise, and so we helped each other.' It was so simple really.

At last Lee rose, slipped on her dressing gown and went out into the corridor. His room was next to hers. She paused outside his door, her hand uplifted to knock, but after a moment she went in without knocking. She knew he wouldn't be asleep.

He was sitting at the window. He turned as she entered and watched her cautiously, never taking his eyes from her as she approached.

'I came because I had something to tell you,' she said. She stopped. Her heart was beating too fast.

She'd meant to speak the thoughts that had troubled her, perhaps say that she was sorry. But the misery on his face wiped everything else out. What she had to say was far more simple.

'I love you,' she said, and felt his arms go about her in a passion of thankfulness.

For a long time they held each other tightly, in silence. There was nothing more to say. His head found its place against her breast, where she cradled it tenderly. He was hers, for good or ill. He wasn't perfect, but neither was she. And he loved her with a commitment and honesty that Jimmy Meredith would never have understood.

She spared one final, fleeting thought for Jimmy, the malign presence who had almost ruined her life. Then she banished him for ever.

'Come, my love,' she whispered, taking Daniel's hand and leading him to the bed. It was here they would find each other again.

She'd made love to Daniel many times with passion, but tonight her overwhelming emotion was a desire to protect him. She hadn't known before that he needed protecting, but she knew it now, and with every caress, every whispered word, she let him know that she was his, in any way that he needed her.

She, too, sought reassurance in their loving. She wanted to know that after all the bitterness that had passed between them he was still hers, and the promise was given back to her a thousandfold. Once before they'd clung to each other, shocked by their first quarrel. But this wasn't like that time. Then they'd tried to hide from the knowledge of their differences. Now those differences had translated into mutual need, and they were the stronger for it.

They loved each other deeply, intimately. The moonlight coming through the window lit their faces and the smiles of thankfulness that they shared. When at last they nestled against each other he held her tight, as if he would never let her go.

'I know the truth about myself now,' he said sombrely. 'And it isn't pleasant.'

'Daniel-don't.'

'I'm a bully, aren't I?'

'No. It's not like that.'

'I'm a bully and I drove Phoebe away. If she makes a mess of her life it will be my fault. Help me, Lee.'

'Always, darling.'

'Don't go away again where I can't find you.'

'I'll never leave you now.'

'Then perhaps there's hope for me.'

'Go to sleep,' she whispered. 'We have to be up early.'

He was asleep before she'd finished speaking, as though he now had all he needed. His head was heavy against her breast and she stroked his hair lovingly. Whatever tomorrow might bring they had found each other again, and this time she was determined that nothing should drive them apart. Her eyes began to grow heavy as she listened to the soft rhythm of his breathing. Peace. Love. All was well.

Lee awoke to the sound of running water and realised that Daniel was showering in the tiny bathroom. She yawned and stretched, feeling strong and well for the first time in weeks.

The telephone rang and she answered it, remembering the early call Daniel had booked. 'Thank you,' she murmured sleepily.

'Daniel Raife, please,' said a cool female voice.

She woke up. 'I'm afraid Daniel isn't available at the moment.'

The woman gave a 'tut' of annoyance. 'He wouldn't be! How familiar this is! Never there when you want him.'

'Excuse me, but who is this?'

'Caroline Jenkins. Ms. He left a message and I'm returning his call. Look, please tell him that I can be reached on this number-three, five, seven-'

'Hold on a moment.'

'Aren't you taking it down?'

'I will when I've got a pencil.' Lee found one and began to write. 'Three, five-'

Caroline Jenkins dictated the number slowly, as if dealing with an idiot. 'Are you sure you've got that?' she asked at last.

'Quite sure,' Lee said crisply.

'You'd better read it back to me. I don't want any mistakes.'

Lee did so, striving not to sound as annoyed as she felt.

'I'll be here for an hour,' Caroline Jenkins informed her. 'After that he can get me at home.'

'Does he know your home number?' 'Of course he does. Don't forget, will you?' She hung up.

Lee stared at the phone until enlightenment finally dawned.

'Good heavens!' she exclaimed. 'Caroline. Phoebe's mother!'

Daniel emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. 'Was that our call?' he asked.

'No, it was Caroline. She said you'd left her a message to call here.'

'She left me a message on my answering machine. I called her back last night but she was out, so I left this number. I suppose I'd better find out what she wants.'

'Then you didn't call her to tell her about this?'

'No.' Daniel gave a wry grimace. 'I suppose I should have done, but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction. She's never thought much of me as a parent.' He began to dial.

'Shall I leave?'

'Why? So that I can talk privately to a woman I haven't seen in the flesh for over two years? Stay with me, darling. I need you.' He was dialling as he spoke.

'Hello, Caroline? Daniel here. Why did you call me?' A burst of high-pitched talk, like gunfire, came from the receiver. Daniel listened with his face settling into a scowl. 'Hell!' he said at last. 'Yes, of course I've seen it. I didn't know that you… No, I wasn't concealing it, I just didn't think you'd be interested, frankly.'

He put his hand over the mouthpiece and turned to Lee. 'Someone faxed her that magazine piece about Phoebe, and she's foaming at the mouth. Yes…?' He returned his attention to the phone from which more angry sounds were emerging. 'Caroline, there's no need to read it to me. I've read it myself.' He sighed and held out the receiver for Lee to listen. Caroline was going through the piece very slowly, emphasising certain words on a note of outrage.