Lucy Gordon - Instant Father

“Now what are you talking about? I never could understand the half of what you said.”

“That’s because you never listened. If you’d ever been interested in what I thought, you’d have discovered that I wasn’t just a replica of you. But of course, you didn’t want to know that. You’ve spent thirty years trying to use me to revenge yourself on my mother, for leaving you. And I’ve only just seen it. But it’s over. I got a lesson from my son last night. He’s too secure in his own values to let you trouble him. I wish I could have said the same of myself before now, but until recently I wasn’t given the benefit of knowing Norah Ackroyd.”

He waited to see if William would answer, but for once the spiteful old man was lost for words. Only the mottling of his face betrayed that his son’s words were having any effect.

“I’m putting my half of this house in Peter’s name, and I’m leaving everything in Norah’s care,” Gavin went on. “When I get back to town I’m going to free myself of the weary load of trying to prop up Hunter & Son. I’ve done my best, but my best isn’t good enough and I don’t care any more. I’m going to sell what I have to and pay the debts. You needn’t worry. There’ll be enough left to keep you in comfort, but beyond that I have no further interest in struggling to keep up a front of success when there’s no reality behind it.”

William turned rancorous eyes on him. “Quitter!” he spat. “I might have expected this from her son. You’re a quitter.”

“Yes,” Gavin agreed quietly. “I suppose I am. I’ve quit your world. Now I must try to find my own.”

There was a knock on the door. It was Norah, to tell him Angus had arrived. Gavin went downstairs quickly, leaving Norah and William briefly alone. The old man eyed her with bitter dislike.

“You,” he said. “You did this.”

“No,” she said simply. “You did it.”

Angus had come prepared with the documents transferring ownership of one half of Strand House to Peter, naming Norah as his trustee until the boy was of age. Angus was troubled. “May I ask,” he said delicately, “whether you are taking this course of action because you fear…er…total insolvency?”

“No, I’m not bankrupt,” Gavin said with a half smile. “At least, not financially bankrupt. No, this is for…other reasons.”

By the time he’d finished, the ambulance was at the door and William was already in the hallway, seated in his wheelchair and scowling. “I won’t say goodbye,” he snapped. “A son who could throw his father out on the mercy of the world has nothing to say to me or I to him.”

“You’re not being thrown out on the mercy of the world, Father,” Gavin said patiently. “You’re going back to live in great comfort, in a place where I’ve no doubt you’ve got everyone running around after you.” The nurse’s hastily smothered grin confirmed this estimate. “I’ll come to see you soon,” Gavin added.

“Don’t bother,” William snorted. “I don’t need to see a failure.”

“Yes, I am a failure,” Gavin said quietly. “But not in the way you mean.”

“There’s only one way. You knew that once. But you let them get to you and rot your brains. You’re her son, all right.”

“I hope so,” Gavin said. “I’ve been yours for too long. But I’ve remembered enough to know that my mother would have been at home here. And she’d have loved Norah.”

“I won’t dignify that kind of pap with an answer. You’ve let me down. That’s all I care about.”

Gavin nodded. “It really is all you care about, isn’t it?” he asked. “I’m just glad I saw it before I did any more damage to my son. Goodbye, Father.”

“Get me out of here,” William told his nurse in disgust.

Norah came out to stand by Gavin on the front step and together they watched the ambulance depart. “I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be. I feel as if a load had been lifted from my shoulders. Come with me.” He took her hand and led her indoors to where the papers still lay on the table. “These are my copies,” he said, handing them to her. “Take care of them, and take care of Peter. But I didn’t need to say that. You look after him much better than I can.”

“I still don’t believe that,” she said quickly. “Now that you’ve come to understand so much, you ought to stay. Peter needs you.”

Gavin shook his head reluctantly. “I’d like to think so. If he’d shown any sign of opening up toward me…of even liking me…it would be different. There have been times when I felt we were beginning to get close, times when he smiled or we seemed to share a thought. But they were always isolated incidents. I never knew how to build on them. The fact is, I’m no nearer to winning his heart than I was at the start. He doesn’t want me, and I can do only harm by forcing myself on him.”

“But to leave now, when we-when we’ve only just-” she stopped, choked with misery.

“I know,” he said, with a pain that matched her own. “But I have to put Peter first. Maybe when he’s older you and I can find each other again. I’ll live for that.”

He drew her close to him and laid his lips on hers. They clung together, each wondering when they would be in the other’s arms again. “I love you,” he whispered, “but I have to leave now, while I’m still strong enough. Help me, my darling.”

She nodded and smiled bravely. They were each thinking the same thing, that they could be as strong as they had to be, for Peter’s sake.

“I’ve got a few things packed in an overnight bag,” he said. “I’ll send for the rest. Now I must go and tell him.”

He found Peter playing with Buster and Mack. “I’d like a word with you,” he said quietly.

Peter shut the pen door behind him and looked inquiringly at his father.

“I’ve come to say goodbye,” Gavin said. “I’m going away. You can stay here with Norah, and I promise I’ll never try to take you away from her.” He looked into the boy’s face for some sign of response, but Peter merely looked puzzled, as if nothing he was hearing made sense. “Do you understand? You’re safe. You can stay here for as long as you want.” He took a deep breath. “I haven’t been a good father to you, but I’ve tried. I want you to know I’ve done my best, and when I failed-it wasn’t because I didn’t love you. I’ve always loved you, and I always will. But…” the next words were the hardest “…maybe Tony Ackroyd was a better father to you than I was.” He sighed. “I guess it was just too late for us.”

If there’d been a sign, a word, a look, he’d have changed his mind there and then. With an aching heart he waited for something that would give him hope, but Peter only stared at him, his face registering nothing. The hardest thing Gavin had ever done in his life was to kiss his son gently on the cheek, then turn and walk away.

Norah was waiting in the hall, her face full of hope, which faded when she saw him. He kissed her briefly before going out to the car.

She came to the front step to watch him, and after a moment Peter joined her. He stood completely still, his eyes fixed on his father. Gavin waved to them and paused a moment, fixing them in his mind, then opened the car door.

The next moment the air was split by an anguished scream. “DADDY!”

Gavin whirled around to see Peter standing there, tears streaming down his face. “ Daddy ,” he cried, “Daddy, don’t go, please .”

He couldn’t move. He could only stare in joyful disbelief at what had happened at last. Then he took a stumbling step forward. At the same time Peter began to run, leaping down the stairs to throw himself into Gavin’s arms. “Don’t go,” he pleaded frantically. “Stay with me, Daddy.”