Lucy Gordon - The Pregnancy Bond

‘Why? Did they put her off?’

‘Of course not.’

‘But she has seen them?’

‘Yes.’

‘And she didn’t say anything?’

‘No.’

‘Probably the first kind thing she’s ever done.’

But he’d caught up with her dancing wits now and was regarding her with wry affection. ‘The hell with you!’ he said with a grin.

‘Really?’

‘Think I can’t see through you?’

‘It took you long enough,’ she jeered.

It was on the tip of his tongue to say he’d never seen her in this mood, but he changed his mind and announced he was going to bed.

He returned a few minutes later to collect his correspondence with as much dignity as he could manage, and after a brief tussle managed to prise the scented letter from her grasp.

‘Actually, Jake, it’s fascinating,’ she said, following him to the door, which he shut in her face.

‘I’m glad I’m contributing to your entertainment,’ he yelled through the door.

‘No, I mean it’s a sociological phenomenon. Carl’s into sociology, he’d love to investigate this. I don’t think he’s ever met anyone it’s actually happened to before.’

The door opened.

‘If,’ Jake said, speaking emphatically, ‘you repeat a word of this to Carl or anyone else, that day will be your last on earth.’

‘But his interest would be purely scientific,’ she said innocently.

‘Rubbish! His interest would be in making me a laughing stock. Now, you promise me-’

‘All right,’ she sighed. ‘Spoilsport!’

‘Do you mind leaving?’

But she had a parting shot. ‘Pity. It would have made a great thesis.’

‘Kelly, I’m warning you-’

‘Oh, go to bed!’

That was the end of the matter, for the moment. But the next morning she had the satisfaction of coming across him in a bath robe, studying his legs in the mirror, a frown creasing his forehead.

‘Checking your assets?’ she teased.

‘Checking the facts. And there is nothing wrong with my knees.’

‘Of course not. They’re splendid knees. I’ve always liked them.’

‘But you said-’

She gave him her sweetest smile. ‘I’m a liar.’

C ARLhad spoken truly when he called himself an expert on pregnancy and babies. At college he would often join Kelly for lunch and observe her intake with an experienced eye, sometimes advising her to ‘eat more fibre’. They had long talks about her condition, heads close together in their enthusiasm, and Kelly realised that the college was speculating about them, for Carl had devastating film-star looks. But he was merely showing her the kindness and support of a brother, and she valued him for that.

Occasionally he would drive her home, carrying her books up and coming in for tea. Sometimes Jake would join them, but more often he would retreat to his room. And he never, ever mentioned Carl when he and Kelly were alone.

Another thought that neither of them voiced was that Kelly’s pregnancy was well into its fourth month, nearing the time when she’d lost the last baby. As the weeks passed the silence seemed to grow more deafening. Sometimes, she thought, it was like living with an extra presence that had parked itself in the centre of the apartment. They dodged around it, and otherwise pretended not to know it was there.

Her first thought, on waking, was to listen to her body, checking for any unusual twinge. Only when she felt nothing wrong could she relax and start the day.

Jake’s health too was giving cause for cheer. As his strength returned he began to venture out to the local shops, or he would stroll in the little park close to Kelly’s apartment. Now and then she came with him, and they would walk together, arms linked, but saying little. Kelly always thought of herself as supporting Jake, and it amused her one evening to discover that he thought of himself as the support.

‘It’s going to be a while before I need propping up,’ she laughed, settling on a park bench.

‘Just taking care.’

‘I’m feeling very well. And I’m not worried, honestly.’

After a moment he said, ‘You’re lying. You’re scared.’

‘How do you know?’

‘Because you’re not knitting things. Last time you started knitting from the first day. The place was awash with needles and patterns.’

She smiled. ‘You used to say you couldn’t move without tangling your feet in white wool.’

‘Yes, but I liked it too. And all the soft toys you bought. I’ll never forget the day you finished your first pair of bootees. You were so proud.’

‘Until I discovered that I’d gone cross-eyed on the pattern and made the second one two sizes larger than the first.’

‘Then you burst into tears and couldn’t stop for hours. I didn’t know what to do.’

‘You were very practical,’ she remembered. ‘You said all I had to do was knit two more the same, put the two small ones together as the first pair, and keep the other pair for later. It was a very good suggestion. I don’t know what made me thump you with that toy giraffe.’

‘You didn’t.’

‘I did.’

‘You did not thump me with a toy giraffe,’ Jake said firmly.

‘Jake, I clearly remember-’

‘It was a toy elephant. His name was Dolph, short for Dolphin.’

‘Why did we call him Dolphin?’

‘Because he was an elephant,’ Jake explained patiently.

‘Well, I guess that figures. But I’m sure a giraffe came into it somewhere.’

‘Now you’re just confusing things,’ he said severely. ‘It was definitely Dolph the elephant. I know because I-because its trunk was always wonky after that.’

She barely registered his verbal stumble as they laughed together. Then Kelly said firmly, ‘It’ll be all right this time. Carl says one of his sisters miscarried the first time, then went on to have three healthy babies.’

His smile faded. ‘You talk to Carl about this?’

Something tense in his voice made her bristle. ‘Any reason why not?’

‘No, no,’ he said quickly. ‘It just seems odd, talking babies with your professor.’

She would have explained about Carl’s family and all his baby sitting experience, but Jake suddenly said, ‘Maybe it’s time we went home.’ And the moment was gone.

One day Kelly arrived home early from college. Jake was in his room, but appeared as soon as he heard her. ‘Are you all right?’ he asked quickly.

‘I’m fine.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Why shouldn’t I be?’

‘Because you’re not usually home at this time?’

‘There were no lectures for the rest of today.’

‘And that’s all?’

The worry on his face touched her. ‘Jake, it’s all right. There’s no sign of a miscarriage.’

‘But it would be about now, wouldn’t it? After all-’ Jake’s words ran down. There was no way of asking exactly how pregnant she was. If the baby had been conceived on the night of the party, she was approaching the crucial time. By tortuous argument he’d half convinced himself that the child was his, but she had never confirmed it, and he was too proud to demand a straight answer.

She might already have been pregnant that night, and now be already past the danger point. But would she have allowed him into her bed if there was another man? He knew she’d changed, but that much? The thought gave him a strange pain over his heart.

‘I wouldn’t like you to suffer again,’ he said harshly. ‘That’s all. No need to make a fuss about it.’

‘No,’ she agreed. ‘I’m fine. Shall I get you something to eat?’

‘I’ll get it. Why don’t you lie down for a while?’

‘OK, I’ll lie on the sofa for a few minutes. Thank you.’