Jill Shalvis - Flashback

“Because I don’t want to lead you on.”

“I thought you enjoyed exacting your revenge on my body.”

With more than a slight twinge of regret and, dammit, guilt, she avoided his gaze.

“Come on, Kenz, be honest. You’re not afraid of hurting me. You’re afraid you’ll get hurt.”

Wasn’t that the plain ugly truth.

“You made sure I understood that you’d changed,” he said softly, looking over at her for a beat before returning his attention to the road. “Now you have to understand something. I’ve changed as well.”

Yes. Yes, he had.

“Look, you wanted to know what happened all those years ago?” he asked. “I got scared, that’s what the hell happened. I’d always lived my life without letting people inside my heart, where they could hurt me. But you got in, and, yeah, that terrified me. You’re doing it again, by the way, getting in, and I’m not any more thrilled about it now than I was then.”

Something warm slid through her at his words, and the low, rough tone in which they were spoken. Warm, and dangerously seductive.

He pulled into his driveway and shut off the engine, turning in his seat to face her. “You’ll have to make do without the five-star rating.” He paused a beat. “Although there are certain five-star services I do offer.”

When she met his gaze she saw the sparkle of pure wicked trouble in his eyes. Oh, boy. “Aidan-”

“I’m talking about my breakfasts, which you happened to miss out on. And then there’s my massage specialty.” He didn’t add any obvious eyebrow waggle or other suggestive gesture, but his eyes crinkled and she knew he was thinking suggestively.

Yup. Dangerously seductive. She already knew how erotic his touch could be, just how earthy, how naughty, and she wasn’t ready to go back there. Not if she intended to be the one to walk away this time.

And there would be walking away when this was over…

Even while she was thinking it, he took her hand and led her to his door. Her instinct was to make a smartass comment to piss him off, chase him away, and yet she didn’t do anything but allow him to open the door for her. Once she started to step inside, he stopped her. When she met his gaze, he asked, “You planning anything else I should know about?”

“Like?”

“Shit. Anything. It could be anything.”

The sun was bright. The surf behind them loud and choppy. She loved the scent of the ocean. She’d missed that, working long, long days on set in the middle of Los Angeles. Now that she’d been cancelled, she could see taking a laptop out on the beach and just writing to her heart’s content if she wanted. “My immediate plans involve a shower.”

“That’s all?” he asked so warily that she smiled.

“Yeah. That’s all.”

He touched the corner of her smiling mouth. “That’s a good look for you.”

“What are you talking about, I smile all the time.”

“On TV, maybe. But I haven’t seen much of it here.”

“Well, maybe that’s because I was in a fire, then facing the fact that my brother’s dead, and then…” And then she’d been in his bed, naked, panting, sobbing his name, holding onto his head as his mouth and then his body had taken her to heaven-

“ That look,” he said, pointing at her. “I want to know what you were thinking just then to put that look on your face.”

She crossed her arms over her suddenly aching breasts. “Nothing.”

“You are such a liar,” he chided softly.

He gestured her inside his place, and she took a better look around than she had when she’d been fresh out of the hospital, and then fresh out of his bed. She saw the pretty windows, the wood floors he’d done himself, and felt another ache, this one in her chest.

She knew that growing up, Aidan hadn’t had much of a stable home life, either. He’d been shuffled around as much as she had. Going into the fire academy had changed his life, given him a team, but more than that, his first real friendships. The kind of friendships that would last, the kind of friend that had his back no matter what. He still hadn’t had any real understanding of what that meant when she’d gone off to Los Angeles, but she could tell it had come to him in the years since. There was an easy confidence about him, an air that said he’d been well liked, well taken care of…

Well loved.

Her heart did a little flop at that because she hadn’t given herself the same. Oh, sure, she was liked. She’d been taken care of. But loved by someone other than Blake?

No.

And if she took away the fame, leaving just small-town girl Kenzie Stafford, what would actually be left?

The answer was as unsettling as the thought, especially given that now she really was without that fancy job. “Aidan?”

He’d headed for the kitchen, but stopped and turned to her. “Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“For?”

“For bailing me out. For waiting to make sure I was okay.”

He leaned back against the wall and studied her. “So why did you do it, Kenz? Why did you go back after I’d warned you not to-” He broke off and shook his head. “Never mind. I just heard my own words and realized exactly why you did it. Because I warned you not to.”

“Am I that stubborn?”

“Hell, yeah, you’re that stubborn.”

She rolled her eyes, then caught the flash of humor in his. He was laughing at her, and not with her, which should have made her defensive and possibly bitchy, but in spite of herself, she let out a laugh, too. “Okay, so it wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve done. But it was the right thing.”

“How about stealing my file, was that the right thing, too?”

She let out a low breath. “I was wondering when we were going to get to that.”

He just looked at her, big and bad and…patient. So damn patient. She pulled the file from her bag and handed it over. “Thanks.”

“I’d say you’re welcome, if I’d given it to you.”

“You’d have done the same thing in my position.”

“You think so?”

She looked into his compelling eyes and felt her breath catch. “Okay, no. You would have asked. But maybe you’re a better person than I am.”

His eyes expressed his surprise at that statement. They both knew she hadn’t always considered him such a great guy. “People change,” she whispered, mirroring his words back to her. “Right?”

“That’s right.” The smile hit his eyes before his lips slowly curved, and there was an answering quiver that began in her belly. Oh, boy. Not good. He was standing too close, and not being annoying or antagonistic, and suddenly it all seemed too intimate.

She started to turn away but that was cowardice, and if she was going to learn anything while being back here in Santa Rey, it was not going to be that, so she faced him again. “I really am sorry for dragging you into this. For getting arrested and you having to bail me out. For driving you crazy. Pick any of the above.”

“You didn’t drag me into anything.”

“Maybe not, but I’m about to.” She let out a breath. “I need to tell you something.”

“Okay.” When she didn’t go on, he raised an eyebrow. “Is it something that’s going to get you arrested again?”

“No. I’m kind of hoping to avoid repeating that experience.”

“Good.”

“But there are things you should know. Things you’re not going to like.”

“Try me.”

“Okay. I’ve been getting calls from someone I think is trying to help me.”

He stared at her. “Your local cell caller?”

“Yes. He told me the key, whatever that means, is in Blake’s computer files.”