Jill Shalvis - The Harder They Fall

“That’s something, I suppose,” he said with a sigh, looking down at his wrist and remembering what it had been like to be helplessly aroused when he didn’t want to be… and how that very feeling had turned him on even more.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered suddenly. “It was very wrong, and I’m so sorry.” She hid her face in her hands. “I’m so embarrassed. I don’t suppose you’ll just go away?”

He laughed shortly. “You tied me up – or let me think I was tied up – seduced me until I was begging you, and now you’re embarrassed?”

Her voice was muffled by her hands. “Can’t we just forget it?”

He’d never forget it. “I doubt that.” Each moment that passed saw him madder – at himself. He’d done this to himself, and now it had to stop. He couldn’t let her go on feeling the way she thought she felt about him. Not when he wouldn’t let himself return those feelings. To do so would be a big mistake.

Yet he couldn’t stop himself from asking to hear it again, to watch her when she told him how she felt. Slowly, he turned her to him. “You said you loved me.”

“I do.”

So simple. So easy. So genuine, he wanted suddenly, inexplicably, to cry. His anger couldn’t hold up in the face of this. “How -” He had to clear his throat. “How do you know?”

Unbearable sorrow stared at him from her dark eyes. “I just do.”

Couldn’t she see that wasn’t enough? “ How? ” he demanded roughly. “How do you ‘just know’?”

Her shoulders lifted helplessly. “Because you’re never not in my thoughts. I think about you until I can’t get anything else done, then I think about you some more. I see you and my heart starts pounding for no reason… until you look at me. Then I melt, just completely melt.” She inhaled deeply and shook her head, as if amused at herself. “All you have to do is say my name and I get warm and shivery at the same time.”

“It’s lust,” he whispered.

“No,” she denied. “Lust is different from this. Lust is just the flesh.” She lifted a hand to her chest. “Every part of me – my body, my heart, my soul – they all crave you, Hunter. It’s never been like that for me before, and while that’s scary, it just feels right. So very right. For the first time in my life I feel happy, sated, relaxed. And terrified.”

He let his breath out slowly. “Well, I understand the terrified part pretty well.”

She shrugged, her cheeks a little red, as if her admission had embarrassed her. “I guess you don’t understand the rest.”

“That’s not true. I feel some of those things, I had just hoped it was a bad strain of the flu. Something that would pass.” Though he had an unnerving suspicion that it wouldn’t.

She let out a little laugh, then fell silent.

He wanted to do several things at once; wanted to throttle her and make her take back the words she’d said, the words he knew he’d never forget. Those three little words that had struck panic in his heart. He also, ridiculous as it seemed, wanted to get down on his knees and beg her to say them again, wanted to know those feelings weren’t just a response to the physical attraction between them. Wanted to know she’d feel that way forever.

But most of all, he wanted to grab her and yank her close, and not let her go.

Did he love her?

Good Lord, how could he be thinking like this? Hadn’t two fiancées taught him anything? He wasn’t cut out for this. But damn Trisha for making him want what he couldn’t have.

“How mad are you?”

“I have no idea,” he said finally, then sighed. “You tried to force me to admit something I wasn’t ready to admit. I told you before, I didn’t want to hurt you, but -”

“I know,” she said quickly. “You don’t feel it back, it’s just lust. And it was wrong of me to try to prove you loved me.” Leaping off the bench, she clasped her hands, avoided his gaze. “I gave you my word I’d never do that to you again, not that I expect you to believe it.”

He stood up too. “I believe everything you say,” he told her quite honestly.

“Why?”

When she looked at him like that, there was no way he could maintain any sort of righteous anger. Had no one ever trusted her before? Believed in her? Of course not, he thought, remembering how she’d grown up. “I believe you because you’ve never lied to me before. You’ve always been refreshingly honest, Trisha. It’s one of the things I like most about you. I don’t expect you to suddenly change your ways and start lying now.”

“I see.” She opened her front door, stepped inside.

“Trisha?”

Hesitating, she looked at him.

There was so much more they had to discuss. Her past and her fear of moving, for one. For he could never consider selling this place until he knew she’d be all right, and he had to sell. He knew that for certain now. Then there was the little matter of her thinking she was in love with him. He couldn’t leave her knowing she thought that.

From his back pocket, he lifted the pair of now-harmless handcuffs, dangling them from his fingers. Safe in his front pocket was the key. “That was some first date.”

Her face reddened. “Yes, well…”

The cuffs clanked noisily as he swung them. “I don’t suppose you’d mind if I kept these as a souvenir.”

“I didn’t think you’d want any reminders.”

Surprised, he looked at her. “It’s not likely I’ll forget it, with or without the cuffs.”

She bit her lip and looked full of regret.

“Don’t,” he said softly. “I’m trying to tell you I don’t want to forget tonight, any more than you do.”

“Oh.”

“I’ll never forget making love to you,” he told her, watching her eyes darken. “Never.”

She smiled sadly and disappeared behind her door.

Two days. Two long, restless, nightmarish days.

Eating and sleeping had become a luxury Hunter’s body didn’t seem to want. His project and his NASA team had kept him busy in the lab for nearly forty-eight hours, starting the morning after his most interesting “date” with Trisha.

He’d not seen her since, staggering into bed late and rising far before the sun. And she’d not answered his many phone messages to her machine. When, out of worry, he called Leather and Lace, Celia answered, and told him in a kind but firm voice that Trisha was busy.

Not surprisingly, she hadn’t returned his call.

There’d been no more disasters, no holes in the floors, no fires, no lipstick messages. And no beautiful woman sprawled out on her rear in Rollerblades, looking up at him with dark, laughing, mischievous eyes.

The handcuffs sat harmlessly on his dresser, making him wonder if it had all been a dream.

Some dream. He still couldn’t think about that night without his body reacting in the expected, uncomfortable manner.

God, he missed her. What made it even more unbearable was that he didn’t want to. He tried, quite desperately, to keep his mind off her. And with his mission coming up, and so much left to do before they launched, it should have been easy.

Yet even as he led his team through the required prelaunch procedures and pored over his research data, some of his mind remained on that almost unbelievable evening he’d spent with Trisha. The way her hair had fallen over him, tickling his skin. How her lips had felt gliding lightly over every inch of him. How, despite her boldness, he’d known by her awkward, fumbling fingers that she’d never done anything like that before.

It was very difficult to continue feeling any sort of indignation over that night, but anger was all that kept him from admitting he might be wrong about the depth of his feelings for her.