Jill Shalvis: Heating up the Holidays

“Dustin.” She put her hands on his face. “How is it that you’re always there when I need you?”

Yeah. He wasn’t going to run or even walk. No way in hell. Not when she needed him.

“Dustin.” She was still staring deeply into his eyes, which was the thing about Cristina. Everything about getting too close to him terrified her, and yet she didn’t look away.

Nothing less than utterly direct at all times, she took his hand and turned, leading him back to her bedroom.

And he went willingly.

CRISTINA STOPPEDat the foot of her bed and glanced at Dustin. God, the slightly befuddled, extremely turned-on expression he wore made her knees weak. Everything about him made her knees weak. Made all of her weak.

And wasn’t that just the problem?

She didn’t do weak, at least not knowingly. And yet…and yet this man. God, this man. When she was with him, she could give in, could be weak, because he was there for her.

Always.

She needed him, and she didn’t understand why, when she’d never needed anyone in her entire life. Her vague anxiety about that wasn’t going to stop her, not when she finally had him here again. Slowly she dropped her towel at their feet.

He squinted, focusing hard to see her, looking both adorable and sexy as hell. “Cristina-”

She put her fingers to his lips, not wanting to hear yet again why he wasn’t going to do this with her. She knew all the reasons why they shouldn’t do this again.

But she needed him, needed him like air, needed his mouth hot, his tongue wet. She needed-God. She needed so much that each touch stroked her from the inside out, and she stepped close and kissed him to get more.

Dustin lifted his mouth from hers.

“No,” she gasped. “Don’t stop.”

With a low, ragged groan, he cupped her face and shook his head. “I’m not stopping. I’m not strong enough for that.”

Actually, he was one of the strongest men she’d ever known, but she wasn’t going to quibble, not when he was going to give her what she wanted.

Him.

Just him.

He pulled her in for another hot, wet, drugging kiss, her incredibly sexy EMT, a kiss that had her-no softie herself-quivering. He had a way of touching her, of looking at her, good Lord. She wanted this kiss to last until Christmas.

Of next year.

But then he stepped back.

“Dammit!”

“Shh…”

Oh, no he didn’t.

But he only wanted to drag his shirt over his head, giving her a quick glance at sleek skin and hard sinew which made her melt, though not as much as his naked piercing gaze did as he yanked her back against him. “Where were we?”

“Right here.” She slid her fingers into his hair, straining to reach his mouth, but he held her off, just looking at her, his eyes so dark and sexy her knees wobbled. “What?”

“You’re beautiful.”

“You’re blind without your glasses.”

“I have you memorized.”

She sighed. God, she was a complete sap if that was working on her. “You’re beautiful, too,” she admitted. “And your eyes…”

“As blind as you said.” He squinted with exaggeration and used his hands as if he couldn’t see, copping a quick feel.

That made her laugh, but it backed up in her throat when he rubbed her up against him. Oh, yeah. Her soft, sweet, sensitive Dustin wasn’t showing his usual side, and she loved it, both that and the slight rough edge to his hands as he kissed her again, his mouth binding her to him while he undid his jeans, letting go of her long enough to grab a condom from his wallet and shove the jeans off.

She sat on the bed, scooting back to make room for him as he crawled up her body and reached for her hands, holding them in his on either side of her face as he leaned over her. “Be sure,” he murmured. “Be damn sure.”

She looked up at him. He was so gorgeous, so much more than she’d let herself see, and so much more than she herself could ever be, and suddenly she faltered. For her this was a release, a great one, but nothing more. It wasn’t the same for him, she knew that. What she didn’t know was if she could do it to him-

“You’ve changed your mind, it’s okay-”

“No.” God, no. Her insides were trembling, making her fingers far too unsteady for her taste, and she uncharacteristically closed her eyes as she touched his jaw. “You don’t understand. I-” You’re too good for me, for this…

As if he understood, he touched his forehead to hers, his breathing rasping in and out roughly as he took in some air. “Cristina.”

In a rare moment of cowardice, she squeezed her eyes tighter.

“Look at me.”

Obeying that ragged command, she managed to open her eyes and meet his.

“It’s just you and me. Just us. And we already know how good that can be. Let me show you how good this can be, as well.” And he kissed her shoulder. Her collarbone. A breast, which he softly sucked into his mouth. When she gasped, he continued his little tour of her body, heading farther south, kissing a rib, her belly button, a hip…

Shifting, he ran his hand down her leg, gently nudging it open so that he could kiss first one inner thigh and then the next.

And then in between.

She stopped thinking then and stopped breathing, too, while he took her straight to implosion in five point four seconds.

When she came back to planet Earth, he was working his way up her body, looking quite hot and bothered. Once again, he laced his fingers with hers as he slowly eased her legs apart. “You do have the most beautiful eyes. Keep looking at me.”

She could feel him hard and heavy between her legs, gliding against her throbbing and already very wet flesh. “I’m looking.”

“You see me.” He held her gaze as he slowly pushed into her, hard and thick, filling her so completely that she couldn’t stop the small cry of pleasure from escaping her throat.

“I see you,” she promised on a rough breath, arching up for more, for all of him, wrapping her legs around his waist.

“Keep seeing me.” And he began to move inside her, making love to her with such beautiful fierce care that she found herself rocking into him, begging for her release long before he allowed it, showing her exactly how good he was for her, exactly how much she needed him and how much he could love her.

If only she’d let him.

And for that moment in time, she did let him, let herself. She completely gave in to it, letting herself soar, content to be in his arms for as long as he’d hold her.

Or at least as long as she could stand it before the doubts and fears overtook her again.

HOURS LATER,Dustin stirred and reached for Cristina, knowing when he felt the cold sheets that he was alone in her bed.

Rolling to his back, he sighed, not bothering to call himself a fool for believing that this time it would be different. He should know better by now.

It was never going to be different, nothing was ever going to change.

Except him.

He could change.

He could grow up and get over her and not give her the power to do this to him.

Not ever again.

WHENCRISTINAcame back from her punishingly long hard run, Dustin was gone. Which was perfect, she told herself. Excellent. She didn’t need round two or an after-sex cuddle.

Nope, she was good.

Walking through the apartment she’d lived in for several years now, lived in and been content in, she found herself taking a good look around as Dustin had. When she’d first moved in, she hadn’t been able to afford a west-facing apartment so she couldn’t see the beach, but it was there, only two blocks away, and when she opened the windows, she could smell the salty ocean air.