Susan Mallery - The Sassy One

“I guess. Which means it’s really good I didn’t marry David, huh? So what are you doing today?”

“The usual. Errands.” She motioned to the list she’d started.

Mia picked it up.

Exactly two seconds later Francesca realized her mistake. Mia got it about five seconds after that. Her baby sister’s mouth dropped open, she snorted, then gave a strangled gasp-laugh.

“Check your diaphragm? Somehow I know we’re not talking about breathing devices.”

Francesca refused to be embarrassed. She reached across the table to take back her list.

Mia held it out of reach. “Uh-uh. No way. First you talk. Then I return personal possessions.”

“Fine. It’s no big deal.” She picked up a doughnut and took a bite.

Mia stared at her. “Five words doesn’t count as talking. I want details. Start at the beginning and speak slowly.”

Francesca figured there was no point in putting off the inevitable. Mia had the same stubborn trait as all the Marcelli sisters. “When I was married to Todd, I had a bad reaction to being on the Pill, so I started using a diaphragm. In the years since, I’ve had occasion to dust it off once or twice, and I was curious if it was still around.”

Mia dropped the list and slapped her hands on the table. “You are such a liar.”

Francesca nodded. “I know. I was practicing to see if I was any better at it. What do you think?”

“You stink. Now spill your guts, woman.”

“After Brenna moved back home, she, Katie, and I were talking one afternoon. Actually we were drinking wine and eating too many cookies, but that’s a different story.”

Mia pouted. “Dammit, why do I always miss the fun stuff? You guys are always hanging out and not including me. I hate that. It’s because you and Brenna are twins and Katie’s only a year older. I’m the leftover kid.”

“I’m sorry, Mia. It wasn’t on purpose. And for the record, we all love you to pieces. You’re not the leftover kid.”

“Okay. Maybe. But that doesn’t make it any less annoying. So tell me what happened.”

Francesca drank more coffee. “We were talking about boys we’d liked in high school but hadn’t slept with. We talked about Jeff and Todd and Zach. They got on me about not dating.”

“Or having sex,” Mia added.

“That, too. Basically I agreed to sleep with the next normal, available guy I ran into.”

Mia’s eyes widened. “So you’re just going to cruise the neighborhood?”

“No. I met someone yesterday. I was working and-”

Mia groaned and leaned forward until her head was resting on the table. “Please. Not the tattooed biker chick. Tell me you weren’t her.”

“I wasn’t. I was pregnant.”

Mia straightened, then gagged. “That’s gross. He asked out a pregnant lady? What’s wrong with him?”

“From what I can tell, nothing. He helped me out. We went back to his office, where he guilted me into telling him the truth.”

“How did he do that?”

Francesca shrugged. “He was really nice.”

“Wow. Nice. That must have been painful. Tell me he’s at least good-looking.”

“He is. Really good-looking.” She reached for her purse and dug out his business card, then passed it to Mia.

Her sister took it and read. “President and CEO? Okay, I take back the gross comment.” She set the card on the table. “If you’re just now hunting for birth control, I’m guessing you didn’t do it last night.”

Francesca was shocked. “I do not have sex on the first date.”

Mia looked unimpressed. “You don’t actually know that. It would take you dating to find out.”

“Good point. Okay. No, we didn’t do it. We kissed.”

“And?”

“It was a religious experience.”

Mia chuckled. “Way to go, Sis.” She tilted her head. “Let me guess. He’s the reason you can’t join me in Los Angeles for a night of in-room movies and room service?”

“Exactly. We have a date.”

“I’m proud of you.” Mia rose and stretched. “So let’s find that diaphragm of yours. I want to see what it looks like and you need to practice. It sounds to me like someone might be getting lucky.”

Francesca followed her into the bedroom. “I thought guys got lucky and girls put out.”

“Whatever.” Mia flopped down on the bed. “So start looking.”

Francesca walked to her dresser but didn’t pull out any drawers. She’d added the diaphragm to her to-do list on impulse. She wasn’t actually expecting to get naked with Sam, was she? She’d been a virgin when she married Todd, and after his death she’d never been all that sexually active. There was an assortment of reasons, most of which could be the subject of their own psych term paper.

Yes, she’d promised her sisters, and yes, keeping that promise was the only way she was going to enter the mainstreaming dating world, but still. Sex with a stranger? She reminded herself that simple sex beat a complicated relationship any day.

Mia groaned. “I can hear you talking yourself out of it from here. Francesca, come on. It’ll be fun.”

“You don’t actually know that.”

“Yeah, I do.” Mia flipped onto her stomach. “Trust me. Life with sex is pretty thrilling.”

“I can’t believe my eighteen-year-old sister is offering me advice on this.”

“I can’t believe my twenty-seven-year-old sister needs it. Now, start looking.”

Francesca didn’t have to look. She knew exactly where the device in question was parked. She opened the top drawer and moved a pile of socks. The slim blue case sat in the corner.

When she pulled it out of the drawer, Mia sat up. “How does this thing work?”

“It provides a barrier against invading sperm,” Francesca told her. “You put a gel on first, then fold the diaphragm in half and insert it.”

Mia looked doubtful.

Francesca opened the case and took out the birth-control device. Mia peered at it.

“Are you sure you can’t go on the Pill?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Like I said, I had a bad reaction last time. The problem is, even if I could, I have to wait until I can get to a doctor for a prescription.”

“Yeah, and then you have to wait for your period to start. Bummer.” She poked at the diaphragm. “I guess this could work, but I gotta tell you that putting it in will really break the mood.”

Francesca hadn’t thought that part through. “Good point. I guess I can put it in before I leave, although that seems so sleazy. Like I’m expecting something to happen.”

So many issues to work through, she thought as she walked into the small bathroom and took the diaphragm from its case. She turned on the water and rinsed it.

Mia followed. “Aren’t you?”

Francesca laughed. “Not so I want to admit.” She liked Sam. They’d had a good time the previous evening. And the kiss, well, she’d already spent plenty of time reliving that. Was she ready to take things to the next level? Did she-

“That can’t be good,” Mia said.

Francesca glanced down at the diaphragm. She’d filled it with water, and now the liquid dripped out the bottom. Panic swept through her.

“No,” she muttered. “It can’t have a leak.”

“How old is that thing?”

“I got it the first year I was married.”

Mia shook her head. “I don’t think they’re supposed to last nine years, kiddo.”

Francesca dumped out the water and held the diaphragm up to the light. Sure enough, there were three tiny holes. “Just perfect. I finally decide to do the wild thing, and this is what happens.”

“It’s no big deal,” her sister told her. “The guy’s supposed to wear a hat, anyway. Just make sure he does. Or make him wear two.”

Francesca tossed the birth control into the sink, then sank onto the edge of the tub. “This is so unfair.”