Elizabeth Lowell: A Woman Without Lies

“I was ready hours ago,” Derry said sheepishly. “I just didn’t feel like struggling to get up.”

“You should have called me sooner.”

“Oh, hell, Angie. I can take care of myself. And I didn’t want to take you away from the opening.”

Derry looked at Hawk, then back at Angel.

“I still don’t think I should have,” Derry said. “I know what your art means to you.” “There will be other shows,” Angel said, firmly tucking the crutches under Derry’s arms. “There’s only one you.”

Hawk watched Angel with grudging admiration.

She has it all down, he thought ruefully. All the caring little gestures, the worried glances, the determined smile, the words.

A flawless performance of love.

Hawk might have begun to believe it himself, if Angel hadn’t softened and flowed over him like honey at his first touch in a smoky bar. Angel didn’t love Derry or anyone else.

She could play the role, though.

And so could Hawk.

It was a necessary part of the chase, of the hunt. Hawk could appear to be whatever the prey wanted him to be, until it no longer mattered.

Angel paced alongside Derry as he lurched forward, not touching him despite her need to reassure herself that he was all right.

Derry moved awkwardly at first, then with more confidence.

“You haven’t been on these crutches much, have you?” she asked.

Derry shook his head, not wanting to talk. He knew that the pain that was sweeping up in waves from his ankle would change the quality of his voice, telling Angel just how much his ankle hurt.

“Where are the pain pills,” Angel said flatly.

Derry drew a deep breath.

“You didn’t take them three years ago,” he said.

“I did at first,” Angel retorted. “Too many and too often. This is different, Derry. You’re different than I was. Try one pill. Please. I’ll stay right by you. If you get groggy and forget which year it is, I’ll be there.”

Angel looked up at Derry with wide, haunted eyes. He started to protest, then sagged against the crutches, unable to argue with the dark memories in her eyes.

“How did you know what I was afraid of?” Derry asked.

“I’ve been there,” Angel said simply.

She stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. Derry closed his eyes and smiled.

“It’s good to have you home again,” he said softly. “The pills are on the kitchen counter.”

“Do you need any help in the bathroom?” asked Angel as she turned away to get the pills.

“If I get stuck, I’ll holler for you,” said Derry, grinning crookedly. “Almost like old times, huh?”

Angel laughed sadly and shook her head.

“Some homecoming,” she said.

Smiling, Derry swung his body between the crutches, heading for the downstairs bathroom.

“Watch the loose tile in the hall,” Angel called after him.

“I know, I know. I’ve lived here longer than you, remember?”

Hawk walked closer as Angel went to the kitchen cupboard and got a glass. She filled it with water and turned around.

Hawk was so close that he startled her.

“You live with Derry?” Hawk asked, his voice bland.

“Only in the summers,” said Angel.

She set aside the glass in order to wrestle with the cap on the pill bottle.

“The rest of the year I live in Seattle,” she continued. “I come up whenever I can, though. Especially on Christmas.”

Angel’s hands paused as she remembered the first Christmas without her family. Without Grant. Christmas was the worst time for memories and regret and rage.

She and Derry spent the Christmas season together, knowing that the other would understand if tears rather than smiles came in response to carols and presents.

But Angel wouldn’t think about that now. Tears couldn’t bring back the dead.

Beneath Angel’s white-knuckled grip, the cap popped off the bottle and fell to the floor.

Hawk retrieved the cap with a smooth, rapid motion. He had seen both the sadness and the… courage… in Angel’s face. He wondered what thoughts had caused her such deep unhappiness.

Or is Angel simply pretending to feel sadness and determination? Hawk asked himself. Has she found my Achilles heel where other women have failed?

Has she somehow sensed that there is nothing on earth I respect except the guts it takes to climb out of the deep holes life drops you into?

“Thank you,” said Angel, her voice tight as she took the cap from Hawk’s lean fingers.

“Have you lived with Derry long?” he asked.

“Three years,” Angel said.

She shook a pill out into her palm.

“During summers and holidays,” Hawk said, his tone almost neutral.

Something in the tone of Hawk’s voice brought up Angel’s head sharply. Drifts of pale, soft hair curled around her breasts in sensual contrast to black silk.

“Didn’t Derry tell you?” Angel asked. “We were all but raised together.”

“Yes, he told me. Very convenient.”

Angel shrugged. “Our families lived next door to each other during the summers, and our fathers were brothers in all but blood.”

“Yet you live in Seattle most of the time?”

“I’m a U.S. citizen.”

“When you marry him, that will change.”

“Marry who?” asked Angel, startled.

“Derry,” said Hawk, watching her with cold brown eyes.

Angel’s response was just what Hawk had expected, a denial of involvement with Derry.

As Angel moved her head in a reflexive, negative gesture, a subtle fragrance drifted up from her hair to Hawk’s nostrils. They flared, drinking her scent. Desire ripped through him, but Hawk did not show it. A man who showed need to a woman was a fool.

Hawk hadn’t been a fool since his eighteenth birthday.

“I’m like a sister to Derry,” said Angel.

“In all but blood,” Hawk added blandly, repeating Angel’s previous words, not believing her.

“Exactly,” agreed Angel. “Derry and I are family.”

She turned away and set the pain pill next to the glass of water on the counter. Uneasily, she turned and glanced up the hallway.

“He’s all right,” Hawk said. “Besides, how much trouble can he get into in the bathroom?”

“You’d be surprised.”

Angel smiled wryly at the memory of her own clumsiness three years ago, when she had first asserted her independence and hobbled into the bathroom on crutches. In the end, Derry had to come in and untangle her.

She had always been grateful that it was concern rather than laughter that showed on Derry’s face when he had found her and her crutches wrapped around the toilet and wash-basin. Fortunately nothing had been hurt but her pride, and Derry had salved even that by his matter-of-fact help.

Hawk saw Angel’s small, private smile and wondered how many times she and Derry had played in the shower or the bathtub. Yes, there are lots of amusing ways to get into trouble in the bathroom, Hawk thought.

But thinking about it would make his desire obvious, so Hawk turned his thoughts elsewhere with the same discipline that had once made him a top race car driver and now made him a ruthless businessman.

“Want me to check on Derry?” asked Hawk, his voice casual, his eyes so dark they were almost black.

Angel hesitated.

“Would you mind?” she asked softly. “Crutches can be the very devil to use the first few times out.”

Hawk turned and went down the hall, silently agreeing with Angel about crutches. He’d been forced to use them twice, after each major racing crash. Once it had been only for a few days. The second time, though, it had been nineteen weeks.

Except for the months following his eighteenth birthday, Hawk couldn’t think of a more unpleasant period in his life than the time he had spent on crutches.