Lindsay Armstrong: From Waif To His Wife

Maisie put her arms around her.

And she sat deep in thought after Sonia had left.

Were daughters more vulnerable in that kind of situation? In other words, how had his parents’ turbulent relationship affected Rafe? Was he just as cynical in his own way as Sonia?

Did that explain why a man who had so much to offer, you would have thought, had no time for a wife and family?

What had he said to her once? Something about neither of them, for reasons of their own, viewing love and all the trimmings through rose-coloured glasses…

‘The evidence,’ she murmured aloud, ‘seems to be piling up against him ever falling in love with you, Maisie, if that’s what’s in your secret heart-and of course it is! Not that this makes any difference. Tim Dixon was always going to effectively scotch that possibility but why does this news disturb me so much?’

It was a question she couldn’t answer, she could only acknowledge that it lay heavily on her mind.

It was to be a day of bad news.

Rafe came home earlier than he usually did on a weekday, and found her in the kitchen making dinner.

‘What are you doing?’ he asked as he pulled off his tie and flicked open the top button of his shirt.

‘I am concocting,’ she said brightly-she’d perfected a bright, breezy manner with him, ‘a chicken casserole with Marsala, mushrooms, parsley, capsicum, shallots and that’s about it.’ She waved a hand over the series of bowls containing her colourful ingredients. ‘Oh, and bacon.’

‘Where’s Grace?’ He opened the fridge and took out a can of beer and a bottle of unsweetened apple juice, which happened to be Maisie’s favourite drink of the moment.

‘She’s gone to a choir rehearsal. Anyway, I felt like cooking.’

He poured the beer into a long glass and the apple juice into a shorter one. ‘Come out onto the patio, I need to talk to you.’

‘That sounds serious. Can’t we talk while I cook?’

He shook his head and after a moment she untied her apron and turned off the pan she’d been about to sauté the mushrooms, shallots, capsicum and bacon in.

And she followed him out onto the patio where he studied the Mary-Lue bobbing a bit on the end of the jetty as a boat wake rocked it.

Then he turned to her. ‘Tim-has died, Maisie.’ And he watched her reaction like a hawk.

SHEwent white and had to sit down heavily. ‘Died?’ she repeated hoarsely. ‘How?’

‘In a diving accident in Vava’u. He actually saved someone’s life at the expense of his own.’ He told her some of the details. ‘He…I’m bringing his body home; I’ll leave this evening in about an hour, so I should be home tomorrow morning. We’ll only stay to refuel.’

She stared at him, still clearly in shock. Then she placed her hands on her stomach as if trying to shield her baby from the news, and Rafe Sanderson made his own deductions.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said very quietly.

‘I-I don’t know what to say.’

‘You don’t have to say anything. I have my own regrets about Tim. You were right, it wasn’t easy for him growing up in my shadow and with an embittered mother in the background. I should have-taken that into account a lot earlier than I did. That’s why I don’t want him to make his last journey home alone.’

Tears were sliding unnoticed down Maisie’s cheeks and once again Wes, who followed her everywhere, put his paw on her lap.

‘But,’ Rafe went on when she tried to speak but couldn’t, ‘what time will Grace get home? I don’t want to leave you alone…I know, I’ll ask Sonia-’

‘No.’ Maisie found her voice. ‘She’s-got her own problems. And Grace should be back shortly.’

‘What problems?’ He frowned.

‘Liam wants a divorce and it’s hit her for six.’

He swore softly. ‘I’ll give her a call. Maisie-will you be all right?’

‘Yes. Really! I’m fine, so don’t worry about me.’ She looked away from him. ‘It-it was just-a shock.’

‘Naturally.’ He paused. ‘Come and help me pack.’

‘I…Would you mind if I just sat here alone for a little while, Rafe?’

For some reason he frowned but then he shrugged. ‘Sure. But think of this, Maisie. He died a hero and that’s how Tim was. He could be very bad but when he was good he was good.’ And he went inside.

Leaving Maisie to ask herself exactly what she did feel over this news. Shocked, of course. Moved to tears for her baby, who would never have the opportunity to know her father and might have wanted to one day, whatever he was like, and who was to say he mightn’t have reformed his ways? Perhaps.

Maybe even moved to tears for someone who had been so full of life but whose life had gone horribly wrong…

But bereft?

No, she realised, because her closure with Tim Dixon had come in a little palm-thatch hut perched on a rock groyne in Tonga.

That was when she’d realised she was well and truly out of love with him-if she’d ever been in love with him in the first place.

So, some sadness, yes. But not the dreadful pain of losing someone beloved that she knew so well from losing her parents…

‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t,’ Rafe said.

His bag stood in the middle of the lounge; he’d changed into khaki trousers, a check shirt and a corduroy jacket.

‘I won’t,’ Maisie promised.

He studied her for a moment. The long, pretty Paisley cotton dress she wore, her blue sandals that she probably couldn’t see over her bump now, the curiously steady green eyes-was she still in shock? he wondered.

‘Feeling better?’ he queried. ‘By the way, Sonia is coming over, after dinner.’

‘Oh, you didn’t have to! Anyway,’ she paused as she heard a car, ‘there’s Grace now.’

‘She wanted to. Tim was also her cousin.’

‘Thanks,’ Maisie said huskily. ‘Look, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. And I think what you’re doing is very-appropriate.’

He lifted a hand, hesitated, then dropped it to his side, and said goodbye.

What had he been going to do? Maisie wondered as she watched him stride out with his bag.

Did he think she hadn’t noticed that he avoided all physical contact with her?

She put her hands to her face briefly then made a bright effort to greet Grace when all she wanted was to be alone.

But Grace had a request. Her mother wasn’t feeling well, so would it be OK if she went over to spend a few hours with her?

Yes, fine! Maisie agreed and came to another decision.

She rang Sonia and told her she needed an early night so not to worry about coming round. Then she said abruptly to Sonia, ‘Go and see Liam and tell him.’

She heard Sonia’s indrawn breath, then, ‘No, it’s too late. It can’t change anything now and-’

‘Yes, it can. Maybe not for him but, now you’ve come to understand about the emotional fences, it’s no good still hiding behind them. It may be painful but it’s got to be liberating for you at least to be honest with him.’

‘But that might make him feel sorry for me!’

‘It might but don’t accept it. Life-life isn’t always easy but if being honest with yourself, really honest, means you have to be honest with Liam, in the long run that will help you.’

There was a stunned silence down the line then Sonia said, ‘Maisie? Are you all right? You sound-is it Tim?’

‘No. Of course it’s sad, but-no. How do I sound anyway?’ she asked ruefully.

Sonia hesitated. ‘Rather wise and clear-sighted. Rather-’ she hesitated again then chuckled briefly ‘-decisive. And I suppose you’ve got Grace but-I still don’t know if I can do it.’