Ann Major - A Scandal So Sweet

“But they’re not my true loves,” she whispered. “Not anymore.”

In fact, sometimes, such as now, being an actress felt like hell. She was a human being, a woman, whose privacy had been invaded and whose work had been exploited to serve as lurid entertainment for a mass of strangers on the internet. They’d hurt her, but it was Zach, and his refusal to hear her explanation, that ripped her heart out.

An hour later, Summer felt worse than ever as she closed her laptop after having viewed the pirated clips.

The integrity of the film had been compromised by allowing those provocative scenes to be viewed out of context. She felt used and abused as a woman, as well.

She did look wildly enthralled in the videos, but those hadn’t been her real emotions.

After the connection they’d shared last weekend, she’d worried about Zach’s reaction. Maybe she should have explained what was involved in filming sex on-screen for a major motion picture before she’d left for L.A. She should have made it clear that it was work, hard work… That it was far from a sensual experience. But Zach had been so cold and forbidding.

Well, she had to talk to him now; had to do whatever was necessary to make him listen… To make him understand that they had a bond worth fighting for. She wasn’t about to leave him again without doing so. That’s what she’d done fifteen years ago.

Her heart was beating too fast as she pulled on her robe and headed up the stairs. In her anxious state, it seemed that every stair creaked so that he had plenty of warning to throw the bolt against her.

Much to her surprise, when she twisted the knob and leaned against the door, it opened.

She saw the bottle of whiskey on the table beside the bed. A crystal glass glimmered in his clenched hand as he stood by the window.

“Zach, I’m not going until we talk…”

He whirled. “What do you want now?”

“You. Only you.”

“Get out, damn you.”

“You’ll have to throw me out, because I’m not leaving on my own. Not until you let me explain.”

“There’s no need.”

“You’re being unfair…like Thurman and the people of Bonne Terre were to you fifteen years ago.”

“And you!” he said. “You were the star of that public farce, too!”

His words felt like blows.

“I was sixteen. Thurman had been running me so long, I didn’t know what to do.”

“Except stand by him and sell me out.”

“I-I never intended to hurt you. The whole thing just got out of control. All I know is that I don’t want to lose you again.”

She pushed her robe off her shoulders, indifferent as it slid down her arms and pooled on the oak floor. She stood before him in a shimmering, transparent nightgown.

“Last weekend you made me feel so special when you made love to me. I hoped it might be a new start for us,” she whispered, feeling fearful because he was so cold and determined to shut her out.

“Did you now? Well, there is no new start for us. There never was, so put your robe back on and get out.”

Even as his harsh tone ripped through her, she stepped farther into the room, shut his door and then locked it. She was shaking when she flipped off the light. “You’ll have to make me,” she said softly, refusing to lose her courage.

“Don’t think I won’t.” Slamming his glass down on the windowsill, he stormed across the room and seized her by the shoulders. “Listen to me-this ends now!”

She put her arms around his waist, lifted her eyes to his, then laid her head against his chest and clung.

He stiffened.

“Please! Don’t do this,” she begged, even though she felt desperate that he might push her away. “Last weekend…being with you…meant everything… Don’t let the press’s distortions destroy us.”

“Stop it,” he rasped even as he shuddered from her nearness.

Her breath caught. She could tell he wanted her every bit as much as she wanted him, but he was fighting his emotions. Maybe because he didn’t trust them, or her.

“I can’t. Not until you hear me out. When I saw you at Gram’s that first day, all those weeks ago, something started between us again. At least it did for me. Maybe it never died. I didn’t want to admit it. I had my career, and that was enough. Then you kissed me… And then we made love. Now none of what I had before you is ever going to be enough. I…want you so much. So very much. Even though I live a crazy life that leaves no time for relationships, I want you.”

“What about Hugh?”

“I told you-there’s nothing between Hugh and me now except for a little chemistry on the screen and whatever fantasy lingers in fans’ minds. We never really dated. I became involved with him after Edward, my boyfriend, walked out on me publicly. I knew the press would focus on Hugh instead of my failure with Edward because Hugh loves media attention and encourages it. It seemed less invasive because it was false. Now I see I shouldn’t have used him like that.”

“Those love scenes between you two were pretty hot. When I saw you on those satin sheets, looking up at him the same way you looked up at me, something snapped.”

His face was closed; his eyes had gone flat and dark. She could tell there was a lot he wasn’t telling her.

“I…I can’t even begin to imagine what you felt. I only know that if I saw you give another woman that special smile or look, I’d feel betrayed. Foolishly, I thought I’d be able to explain about the love scenes before you saw them…since Dangerous Man won’t come out for nearly eight months.” She paused. “I’m afraid I was thinking about you, when I was with Hugh in front of the camera.”

“I don’t much like hearing that.” His black eyes impaled her from beneath his dark brows.

“I know it was wrong, but I was turned off by Hugh and my selfish, seductive character. It was the only way I could get the work done… So, in a way, I did use you…use us… But it’s hard for an actress not to use parts of herself to make a role convincing. Our tools are our own emotions.”

“Does the acting ever stop?”

“Yes. Now. This is me, and I’m begging you to give me-to give us-another chance.”

Terrified, feeling naked to the soul after asking this of him, she inhaled a long breath and waited as he considered what she’d said.

“I don’t know,” he said finally, but the anger had gone out of his voice. “Since I was nineteen, when everything I read about us was distorted and used to hang me, I’ve worked hard to keep my private life private. There were, of course, always those reporters who wrote new stories about what I’d supposedly done to you, but mostly my life was a private affair.

“I’ve never dated a famous actress before. Frankly, I never wanted to. But here you are-a bomb that’s gone off in my life. If we date, your career, with all its fuss, is going to take some getting used to.”

“I know. I’m sorry about that.”

“I thought I had my life under control. It was simple. It was all about building and developing and making more money. Then I lost Uncle Zachery. And I saw your tear-streaked face and kissed you on Viola’s porch.”

“See-your work is not so different from my roller-coaster career. Until that kiss, I lived for interesting parts and good reviews and felt like death when some critic said I couldn’t act.”

“I don’t like feeling out of control-or in your control.”

“That’s understandable because I hurt you before,” she whispered.

“I don’t want this…you…us,” he growled. “You’re bad for me.”

“Not according to your PR guys,” she whispered with a smile.

Zach took a deep breath. For a moment, she was terrified that her little joke would backfire, that he was still going to send her away. She wouldn’t have blamed him.