K Caverly - Shards of Us

"No, it's not that." I hesitate. "I just don't know what to think about what Sebastian--what he did to me."

Marco sits up straighter at my mention of Sebastian, but then relaxes almost immediately. "Don't say that name," he whispers into my ear. "That name has only hurt you. He betrayed you, my love. But we'll forget him, don't worry. I'll help you get your revenge, and then I'll help you forget him." His voice is quiet and harsh, and I feel his hand slipping down my side, down to my leg, as he slowly reaches under my dress.

I lean my neck back, moaning quietly. His touch manages to make my mind feel absolutely blank, and so, as far as I'm concerned, it's all I need. All I'll ever need.

I realize then that this will be my life. Just letting Marco touch me, because it makes me feel numbness, makes me feel nothing at all. And strangely, I'm okay with that. Because nothingness means I won't get hurt again. Nothingness means my heart won't shatter any more than it already has. Nothingness means no one else can leave my life.

I feel the desire in Marco's voice as he trails his fingers up my thigh, tracing them slowly along my soft skin. I lean my head back further, closing my eyes, knowing what he's going to do next.

"Do you like your room?" Marco says into my ear, and I can feel his concentration, the growing hardness in his lap, as he circles his fingers around my inner thigh, right where all the desire is. I tense up, wanting him to just get this over with.

"Yes," I say, because it is nice, in the end. It's nice, because it's a place to belong, and that's more than I used to have.

"Will you be okay living there… forever?" he whispers, continuing to dance his fingers right along my soft skin, teasing me. My body tenses up and I close my eyes, leaning my head back onto his shoulder, feeling the blissful emptiness claw through me.

"Yes," I whisper, biting back a tear. "I'll live with you. Forever."

He smiles, vicious and thin-lipped, and then he presses me further against him. "I'm glad," he says. Then, he moves his finger up and up, until he goes inside of me.

I don't sleep well that night.

After dinner, Marco takes me to the shower, presses me against the wall, and kisses me like he always does: hard and filled with desire. My lips buzz with numbness as his touch mine, and I feel that familiar emptiness, where nothing can go wrong, where everything is safe.

And I like it. I like it because it isn't Sebastian's lips that are on mine.

When we're done, Marco dresses me and leaves me in my bedroom, saying he'll return to help me plan our revenge against Sebastian in the morning. I nod weakly as he goes, then slip under the covers and lie there, staring up at the ceiling all night long.

I just keep thinking about Sebastian, as much as I try not to. I just keep imagining his face as I inevitably hold the gun to his head. I just keep thinking about what he'll do, what he'll say, and whether I'll have the strength to do what I have to. I keep thinking about how much he cares about me, about how much loves me, about how he never meant to hurt me… but then I think about that night on the roof two years ago, when I almost lost everything, and the anger rises up again. He ruined my life for almost two years, making me miserable and alone, hopeless and broken. He made me feel awful, and then, he came back into my life and lied to me, pretended to be here to save me. He put back together the heart he broke-- my heart--and then he shattered it even more.

He ruined everything.

He ruined me .

And now, I need to ruin him back.

I need to move on.

Sebastian and I are done. For good.

I turn over in bed, thinking about his smile, the feel of his lips on mine, and it's just so different from the way Marco kisses me, so much more real, that I almost wish it didn't have to be this way.

But it does.

It has to.

And so I lie there all night, a single tear slipping down my cheek.

In the morning, at eight a.m., I get up and shower. Dark circles are carved beneath my eyes, but my longing for Sebastian has totally evaporated. As the hot water runs down my face and body, one thing is clear: I'm ready to end Sebastian, once and for all.

I no longer even regret it. Not for a second.

Marco is waiting for me when I hurry downstairs, fully dressed and ready to go. He smiles at me as soon as he sees me in my dress, beckoning me forward. I walk over to him and let him pull me close and kiss me, let him wipe away the taste of Sebastian forever.

The sun peeks in through the windows, and my whole body buzzes with energy, knowing it's time to end this for good. "What's the plan?" I ask Marco, but he ignores me. He continues to kiss me, pressing himself against me, and I look away, waiting for it to end.

"Pretty soon you're going to forget he ever existed," Marco mumbles, moving his lips down the side of my neck.

The familiar numbness returns, and it feels good to keep from worrying, to know that everything is finally going to be okay again. Marco is going to make things okay; I know that then. His hand runs down my back as he kisses me, harder and harder, until he finally pulls back, smiling that little, sadistic smile of his, and says, "Today we train." His breathing is slow and drawn-out, and it feels weird to see his face this close to me. I hated him when I was with Sebastian, but now, he seems like the most normal guy in the world.

At least he tells the truth. At least he doesn't hurt me.

At least he isn't Sebastian.

"He taught you how to shoot, correct, my love?" Marco says in his usual harsh voice, pulling away from me and brushing his suit off. We stand in the middle of the first floor. It's a huge, domed room, and no one is in here but us. The sounds of men and trucks outside carry in through the window, though, probably something to do with his drug operations.

"Yes," I say. "But not well."

Marco nods. His deep green eyes stay trained on mine, so strong it's like they're piercing through me. "Have you ever shot at a target before?"

I shake my head, and he smiles, showing an array of too-perfect teeth. "Good," he says. "Then we'll start with that. But first, tell me, where is Sebastian staying?"

I give him the address without hesitation, knowing this is sealing the fate of the man I love despite myself. And I do it anyway. "It's a big house on the hill," I add. "Hidden from view. But once you're up there, you can't miss it."

Marco's smile grows. "Excellent," he says. "I'll teach you to shoot well today, so you can defend yourself properly. And three days from now, we'll go there, just you and me, and we'll end this. Does that sound okay, my love?" he asks.

I nod. "Yes," I say, meaning it. A devious smile flickers across my lips. "That sounds perfect."

Marco leads me outside after that, stopping in a little shack connected to the mansion to get us each a handgun. He tosses one to me, which I catch without hesitation, smiles, and then brings me over to a small stretch of grass where a few men are aiming at several black-and-white targets, all shaped like a person.

"Out," Marco barks as soon as we arrive, and his men nod quickly and obey, scurrying away. They know well enough not to mess with him.

"You're terrifying, Marco," I tease as the men rush away. I step in closer to him, pressing my breasts to his chest.

He kisses my lips again, smirking. "It's all part of the package, my love."

I grin as he pulls away to set up the target. I watch him closely, thinking to myself how much I like this. I like not having to worry about Sebastian anymore. I like this freedom.

The morning sun beats down on us, and Marco strips off his shirt as he walks back over to me, revealing a body full of muscle and sweat and tattoos. He stands beside me and switches off the safety of his gun, then aims it directly at the target, which is some thirty feet away.