Eliza Jane: Tempted

He hops out of the car and jogs to catch up with me. “Can we talk, please? I don’t want tonight to end like this.”

I swallow and slowly meet his eyes. He’s pleading with me. And I can’t refuse him. I nod, almost imperceptibly. “Fine.”

He takes my hand and leads me inside.

Once we’re inside Colt’s room, that is normally so familiar and comfortable to me, I just stand there with my arms folded across my chest, not wanting to go any further.

“Come sit.” He guides me by my shoulders over to his bed.

We both sit, but I make sure there’s plenty of space separating us.

I knew this conversation was inevitable, and as curious as I was, part of me wanted to avoid it for as long as possible. But we’d been slowly building to this point the whole summer. We started dating officially a couple months ago, but after Colt’s dad fled, he’d had to take up the slack, so our relationship had progressed slowly, which was just fine with me. Colt’s been busy running the company, recruiting a new class of first years, traveling for field assignments and I’ve stayed busy with school and my friends. It had been pretty close to perfect, but now I’m starting to see things are not going to be so easy for us.

“There are a few things I need to know,” I start.

He nods, solemnly.

“How many girls?”

His eyes widen. He’d been hoping I’d start with an easier question. He looks down. “I’m really not sure.”

“Well, ballpark then. Just give me an estimate.”

His head stays down, and he fiddles with the blanket on his bed. I’m not sure he’s going to answer me.

“Okay, so usually it was what, a few girls a week?”

He looks up suddenly, his face in agony. “No, a few a month. At most.”

“Okay, a few a month, so three times twelve months a year, that’s thirty-six girls a year, and how long have you been this way?”

“Um, I lost my virginity when I was fifteen.”

I calculate and recalculate in my head. Four years times thirty six girls a year on average is almost one hundred and fifty, give or take. Holy shit!

Colt realizes the number the same time I do. “That can’t be right.” He shakes his head.

“One hundred and forty four! Colt.” I smack his shoulder. “You’re a manwhore.”

“Taylor, I’m sorry.” He grabs my hand, but I pull it away. “It’s not that many. I swear.”

My number is one and I regretted even that. Something told me though, Colt didn’t have that same self-awareness. “Did you use protection?”

“Always. Every time, I promise. And I’ve been tested too.”

“Why Colt? How did you get like this?”

MJ and I had a theory, that he’d been looking for love and closeness in all the wrong places. His mother died when he was young and his father turned into a callous workaholic. Colt needed that connection, that closeness to another person. And he found it, if only for a short time, with girl after girl. The feeling never lasted long though, and so he sought the next girl. He hadn’t even known he was stuck in this pattern until I came along last spring. I challenged him in a way that no one had. I didn’t put up with his antics and I think he also liked that I wasn’t falling all over him, like most girls usually did.

But I need to hear Colt say it and realize all this.

“After my mom died, I didn’t have much love in my life. Something was missing. It just left this giant hole in me. I threw myself into martial arts, I enjoyed taking out my aggression and beating the shit out of people just to feel something. But after a while, that wasn’t enough anymore. And then I started high school, and girls started noticing me. I got tall practically overnight and was in good shape from all the training. It was easy. Too easy. I could be with them and forget about my crappy life. I know it’s not right the way I used them, but I figure they were using me for something too, so it didn’t really bother me.”

He’d been getting love and attention the only way he knew how – by sleeping with anything that moved. It was sad, but on some strange level, I understood. Colt had spent many years feeling unloved and not capable of returning love. But I knew he’s capable of more. And I know he wants to change. That’s why tonight, having his past stirred up and brought to the surface sucked.

He shifts on the bed so he’s facing me. His eyes are soft and pleading. “And then I met you. And you were everything I never had. Challenging. Smart. Beautiful. Sassy. I wanted you. But it was weird, because I wanted more than just sex with you. I liked being around you. I was sure I was going to fuck it up somehow, but thank God, you saw through all my bullshit and gave me a chance.”

I smile lightly at him, trying to be encouraging. As mad as I was, am, at him for tonight, I like that he’s opening up to me.

He takes my hand again and this time I let him.

“You are everything to me. Please forgive me Taylor. I promise that is all in my past. A past that I hope we can just forget about.”

I knew it would be impossible for me to forget. Especially now that I know the number one hundred and forty four. God golly. I place my palm on his cheek with its rough stubble. “I can’t forget, Colt. But I can try to forgive the mistakes of your past. I’m not going to lie and say I won’t get jealous sometimes. But I trust you.”

He closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath, relieved. “I don’t deserve you.”

I press a soft kiss to his lips while his eyes are still closed. “Then I guess you’ll just have to work harder to make it up to me.”

Colt left early this morning to go pick up his brother Reis from the airport. After lunch, I’m passing through the foyer, enjoying the last of my leisurely days before classes start up again tomorrow when I spot them.

I stop suddenly. Colt’s back with his brother Reis. They stand in the foyer, wrestling in the suitcases.

Colt grins when he spots me. “This is my Reis.” Colt gestures to the look-a-like standing next to him. Reis stands a half inch shorter, his hair is messy just like Colt’s, but sandy brown, lightened by the California sun. Other than that small difference, he and Colt are damn near identical. Same strong jaw line, straight nose and hazel eyes framed in dark lashes. Colt places a hand on my shoulder, interrupting my inspection of Reis. “This is my girlfriend, Taylor.”

“Girlfriend? Well done bro.” Reis smiles crookedly and leans in toward me, taking my hand in his. “Nice to meet you, Taylor.”

“You too,” I choke out. Why am I so thrown off? So he looks like Colt? Big deal.

Colt glances down at his watch. “I’ve got to get some work done. Sorry, but Taylor, would you mind showing Reis around a bit and keeping him company for a few hours?”

Reis grins at me.

A few hours? I look down at my shoes. “Uh, sure.”

“That’s okay, I’m pretty tired from travelling. I’d actually just like to take a shower and rest for a little bit if I could.”

“Oh, of course,” Colt says. “In that case, just show him to my room, Taylor.” He pulls his keys from his pocket and works a key free from the set. He hands it to Reis. “Keep it. I have another.”

Colt snakes an arm around my waist and pulls me in towards him. I stumble, losing my balance until I’m against his chest. He leans down and plants a quick kiss on my mouth. “Come by my office later. Okay, baby?”

I nod and kiss him again, but pull away quickly since I sense Reis watching me.

“It’s good to have you back,” Colt says to Reis, patting his shoulder.

Reis is quiet, his eyes still on mine.

Colt takes off in the direction of his office leaving Reis and I standing together in the hall. I begin walking to the stairs and Reis steps in line beside me.