Tamsyn Bester - Precious Consequences

I pull my car into the parking lot of Ari’s daycare center. I pick her up on Wednesday’s after my last class and have made it our weekly date. I’m taking her to the park, excited to spend some time with my little girl. I cut the ignition and step out of my car, but am halted by what sounds like a woman yelling. I turn around and see a young woman standing by her car, yelling into her phone. Her honey blonde hair is tied in a messy bun on top of her head and she’s wearing a waitress uniform. I recognize it from Joe’s Diner in town.

“Are you kidding me right now, Jace?” she yells. “What am I supposed to do? Macy’s daycare payment is due and so is my rent. The only thing I ask you to help me with is her daycare, and now you’re telling me you can’t?”

There’s a minute intermission, as the other person on the end of the line speaks.

“How can you do this to us, Jace?” she asks. “How can you do this to Macy?”

She goes quiet and I hear her sniffle as she wipes her nose. I know it’s rude to eavesdrop, but I can’t look away from her. Her face is red, a combination of anger and tears that are now streaming down her face.

“I don’t care! She’s your daughter, too, and I only agreed on a divorce because you promised that you would help me take care of Macy. I let you walk away from me, but not our little girl.”

Her eyes screw shut and she pinches the bridge of her nose before taking a deep breath.

“You know what, Jace,” she says, straightening her back. “Just forget about it. From now on, I will take care of my little girl. You can forget about seeing her, too. As of right now, you don’t have a daughter and she doesn’t have a daddy.”

She ends the call and I see her tiny body shake. Her cries are muffled but from where I’m standing just a few feet away I can hear them. And I feel for her. The only difference is that being a single parent has been my choice, but it’s obvious that she no longer has a choice. I walk over to her, careful not to startle her.

“Excuse me, miss?” I say. She whips around and looks at me, her eyes red and puffy, wide with alertness. “Are you okay?” I ask softly.

She straightens up, brushing her hands over her uniform to remove the creases, and wipes her face before replying, “Yeah, I’m just sick and tired of dealing with selfish assholes.”

She pushes past me and stomps up the stairs to the daycare center. Okay, then…

I shake my head and follow her once she’s disappeared through the door. When I walk into Ari’s class, she’s sharing a cookie with a little blonde girl and I immediately recognize her as the daughter of the woman I just saw outside. Her long blonde hair hangs down to the middle of her back, and she’s wearing a powder blue sundress. She’s gorgeous.

Ari looks up and sees me, her little face lighting up. “My mommy!” she yells, announcing my presence to anyone who will listen. She runs through the mini desks and chairs and flings her little body into my legs.

“Hi, baby girl,” I say, picking her up. I hug her close and smell her hair. “I missed you today,” I tell her. Her little hands touch my cheek.

“Me missed you,” she replies. The look in her eyes is enough to make me want to cry. God, I love this little person. I look back at the little blonde girl and find her watching us with curious eyes. She must be the same age as Ari.

“Thas my fwiend,” Ari says, as if to answer my unspoken question.

“Oh, yeah? Does your friend have a name?”

Ari’s eyebrows scrunch while she thinks. “Her is Macy.”

“Do you want to say goodbye to Macy?”

“Okay,” she says happily. She jumps out of my arms and runs back to where Macy is standing. She hugs her goodbye and makes her way back towards me, her little backpack in tow.

“You ready?”

She smiles up at me and simply nods, placing her little hand in mine. My heart swells and I don’t think it can get any fuller. We walk out and I see the woman from outside talking to the owner of the daycare center, but I look away when she catches me staring. The last thing I want is this stranger thinking I’m sticking my nose in her business. I still feel sorry for her though.

I strap Ari into her car seat and take the slow, leisurely drive to the park, not far from my grandmother’s place. When we arrive, I help Ari out the car and she darts for the swings. I grab the cooler bag with the sandwiches and sodas and lay a blanket down under a Willow tree, close enough for me to watch her. A light breeze blows, catching my hair and flicking it wildly. It cools my heated skin and I welcome the reprieve.

“Mommy, push me!” Ari yells. I see then that she’s too short to hop on by herself and needs my help.

“Okay, baby, mommy’s coming,” I reply, smiling at her impatience. Another star quality she inherited from me. I slip my sandals off and walk over to where she’s standing, shifting with excitement. I laugh when she waves her arms in the air, signaling for me to lift her up, and gently place her on the swing.

“Hold on tight,” I tell her.

I push the swing, and watch her climb higher with each shove.

“Higher, mommy, higher!” she squeals. Her child-like laughter echoes around us and mixes with the light summer breeze. I nudge the swing a little higher and step in front of Ari.

“Jump,” I say. “I’ll catch you.”

I spread my arms out and brace myself to catch her.

“Mommy, me afwaid,” Ari hesitates.

“I’m right here, baby girl, I’ll never let anything happen to you. I promise.”

Her eyes widen and she watches me, the swing moving back and forth. Scooting forward, Ari lets go and throws her body into the air. She lands safely in my arms and I drop to the ground playfully, pretending that the force of her jump knocked me over. She laughs loudly and I join her as we roll around on the ground. I don’t care that my dress is going to get dirty or that my hair will be full of grass. All that matters is the little girl laughing in my arms. Her brown eyes, so much wiser than her years, look up at me and I freeze the moment, storing it in my mental memory box so that on the days I doubt myself, I can watch it over and over again. How can such a small person be such a profound source of strength? It’s unfathomable. That this little girl, born of my flesh and my blood, can love so freely and openly. I see no judgment in her eyes, no hate or anger. Just love and innocence and kindness in the purest form. I squeeze her to me and her arms wrap around my waist.

“I love you, my precious Ari,” I breathe into her hair.

“I wuv you, mommy.” Her sweet voice comes as a whisper, and it tugs at my heartstrings. I lay a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Ari sits up. “Macy!” she yells, jumping to her feet and running to her friend. I spot Macy’s mother strolling in our direction and stand up, making my way towards her and the girls, who have already started playing.

“Macy, sweetheart, don’t go far. Stay where mamma can see you.” Macy’s mother looks at the girls and then back at me. I give her a small smile and to my surprise she returns it.

“I wanted to apologize, I was rude earlier and I shouldn’t have been,” she says, embarrassed. “My momma would turn in her grave if she ever heard me talking to a stranger like that.”

“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have been listening to your conversation, but I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“I’m not, but I will be,” she replies. “I’m Taylor,” her hand comes out and I shake it. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Hayley,” I reply. “It’s nice to meet you, too.”

“Looks like our girls have gone and become friends,” she remarks, chuckling. I watch in amusement as Ari talks Macy’s ear off, while Macy sits quietly, content, and listens.