Tamsyn Bester - Precious Consequences

My father sighs. “Hayley bear - ”

“Don’t you dare call me that. You lost that right two years ago.”

His face drops. “I needed to come see you, and make sure you were doing okay.”

“I haven’t heard a damn thing from you in two years ,” I grind out. “Why would you start giving a shit about me now?”

“Hayley Tanner,” my grandmother chides next to me. “Watch your tone.”

“Are you kidding me, Gama? You’re defending him ?”

She shakes her head. “No, Hayley, but he’s still your father and you don’t need to be disrespectful. That’s not what I have taught you.”

Her eyes meet mine and I can see her own anger and sadness fighting to stay hidden. She has gone through everything I have, right alongside me, after all. “And I think you should hear what he has to say.”

She ushers me to the sofa. “Now, take a seat, and I’ll go make some tea. Try not to kill you father while I’m gone.”

When she’s gone, the silence between my father and me is deafening, and he shifts uncomfortably. Good. I hope he feels so uncomfortable that he’ll leave.

He starts to speak and I curse my bad luck.

“I know I haven’t been around - ”

I snort. “Abandoning your only child when she needs you the most isn’t simply ‘not being around’, dad. ”

He pulls his hands through his hair and I guess that’s what has made his hair thin. He must do it a lot.

He lifts his head and finally looks at me, a look of exasperation and regret on his tired face. “I’m sorry, Hayley. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have just left you to fend for yourself.”

“But you did. You cast me aside like the common whore everyone accused me of being.”

“What did you expect? There was a video of you, Hayley - ”

I put my hand up to silence him. “I know. I had to live with it, remember? All the gossip at school, all the bullying until graduation? I lived through all of that, and where were you? Drinking away your sorrows while mom continued to screw every single one of your business partners.”

“It was a hard time for all of us,” he says, his voice low.

“You have got to be kidding me right now!” I throw my arms up. “You have no idea what hell I went through after that damn video was sent to everyone at school. So don’t you dare expect me to feel sorry for you.” My throat thickens and I can feel my anger rise to tears that threaten to spill over onto my cheeks. I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry, I chant silently in my head. But I know it’s no use. The angry tears spill and I wipe them away furiously.

My grandmother comes in with a tray and places it on the table.

My father looks away. “I never stopped thinking about you, Hayley, and I never stopped caring either.”

“Then where have you been for the last two years?” I yell. “Why has it taken you so long to come find me?”

My father exchanges a look with my grandmother and she gives the slightest shake of her head. I wasn’t meant to see it, but I did, and now I know they’re hiding something.

“What is it?” I demand, my head darting between the two of them. “What are you not telling me?”

“Jefferson,” my grandmother warns.

“You didn’t tell her?” my father asks incredulously.

“Tell me what? What the fuck is going on?”

My grandmother is too busy glaring at my father to notice my fowl language. Not that I care right now.

“Hayley,” my father sighs. “I’ve known where you are from the first day you arrived here. I’ve been sending your grandmother money to make sure you’re taken care of.”

I gape at them. What? “Is he telling the truth?” The question is directed at my grandmother and she nods.

“Yes, sweetheart, it’s the truth. I called him the day you showed up on my front porch and told him you were here.”

“Did you tell him about…” my words trail off but my grandmother knows what I’m asking. Did she tell him about Ari? She shakes her head. No.

“Tell me about what?”

Shit. Now I’ve really stuck my foot in it.

“Nothing,” I reply. “It’s nothing.”

“Jefferson, tell Hayley why you’re really here.” My father looks at my grandmother and then back at me.

“Your mother and I,” he swallows hard, “are getting a divorce. I’m leaving her.”

“Why now? Why not years ago when she had her first affair?”

“Because, some new information has come to light, and that’s another reason why I came.”

Great. Like this conversation needs any more enlightenment.

I give him my best ‘hurry up and get on with it’ expression and wait for him to continue.

“Her last affair was just before that video of you and that Kyle kid came out, and it was with another one of my business associates. Apparently, his daughter went to school with you.”

“What does that have to do with me and mom's affair?”

My grandmother takes a seat next to me and holds my hand, and I know I’m not going to like whatever my father is about to tell me.

“Well,” my father continues. “The man she had an affair with is Richard Allen, and his daughter is Kimber Allen.”

My face pales and I feel the oxygen dissipate from my lungs. That’s a name I was hoping I would never have to hear again. She’s the one who recorded my one night stand with Kyle and then sent it to all her contacts, who then sent it to all of their contacts, until eventually every cellphone and digital device had it at school.

“Oh my God,” I whisper, feeling my eyes grow wet again. Dammit. It made me sick enough to think that everyone saw my one nightstand, but now that I know why it happened, it makes me feel even more ill. This is just too much information all at once.

I stand up. When I manage to speak my voice comes as a hoarse whisper. “I think it’s time for you to leave.”

“Hayley, I - ”

“JUST GO!” I scream, feeling myself crumbling from the inside out. All the shame I’ve carried around is suddenly staring me in the face and I don’t know if I can deal with this all over again.

My thoughts come to a standstill when a little voice calls for me from the top of the stairs. “Mommy?”

My grandmother moves but I stop her.

“I’ll get her,” I say, ignoring the quizzical look that becomes a look of understanding on my father’s face.

I round the corner and see Ari, waiting patiently for me to come to her. She rubs her eyes, clutching her pink bunny to her chest. The sight of her alone quiets the raging storm inside me and I climb the stairs quickly to get to her. I drop to my knees in front of her and hug her to me, as if she is the very air that I breathe.

“Mommy, don’t cwy,” she says. Her little lip quivers and I imagine how seeing me in such a state could be upsetting to her.

“I’m sorry, baby,” I coo into her hair. “Mommy won’t cry anymore. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

She clutches me and I pick her up, not quite ready to let go of her. When I walk downstairs and back into the living room, my father and my grandmother are having a conversation, their voices nothing but harsh whispers.

My grandmother walks over to us. “Did you have a nice nap?” she asks Ari. My father is watching us, his expression a mixture of curiosity and disbelief. “Is it time for princess Ari to eat?”

Ari squirms and holds onto me tighter when my grandmother tries to reach for her. Ari is too attuned to me and my emotions and she can feel that I’m upset. She’s always been able to do that. I kiss her forehead, hoping it will soothe her. The last thing I wanted was for her to be upset because I’m upset, and I certainly never imagined that she’d be meeting her grandfather like this either. I’ve just had what feels like a bomb dropped on me, but all I care about is Ari, and making sure that none of this ever affects her.