Tamsyn Bester - Precious Consequences

“Hayley, just - ”

“ Aren’t we?”

“Fuck, I don’t know!” I almost yell.

Our eyes collide, a whirlwind of emotions flitting between us like wildfire. I can’t take it anymore. I’ve had to pretend, for weeks, that Hayley and I are friends when we both know it’s a lie. Her eyes widen when I close the distance between us, but she doesn’t back away. I lower my head until I can feel her warm breath touch my lips and I inhale, slowly, like she’s breathing into me. My lips brush hers, gently, and I slide my hand around her neck.

Her voice comes as a breathy whisper, and her lips move against mine, “Cameron.”

The way she says my name is enough, and it’s almost too much. I crush my lips to hers, pulling her closer to me. Her lips move with mine and when her tongue traces my bottom lip a shiver snakes its way down my spine. My hands slide down her sides and I grip her thighs, lifting her so that her legs wrap around me. I push her against the wall and she moans, making me harden in my jeans. Her hands make their way up my arms and stop on my biceps. She squeezes the muscles, using them as leverage to push herself into me. Her hips grind against mine and our mouths separate momentarily as our moans collide in the air. I nibble on her lower lip which only makes her kiss seem hungrier and more fervent. The feel of our lips connecting drives me wild and I like the affect I’m having on Hayley, knowing that her body is responding the same way to my touch as mine does to hers.

Her fingers sink into my arms and she stops. “Stop,” she says. “Cameron, stop!”

I look at her and see panic in her eyes. She pushes away from me until I drop her back on her feet.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, feeling all over the place. My mind is clouded, my jeans are straining and I’m struggling to understand why Hayley is suddenly pulling away from me.

“We shouldn’t have…I shouldn’t have...” She’s mumbling. When I see regret cross her face my heart constricts and I realize that maybe she no longer has feelings for me.

“You didn’t want me,” she blurts out. She lowers her head and it’s like a kick to the stomach. She’s right, though. I didn’t want her, but now I do. I just have to show her that I mean it this time. I’m about to tell her as much when she faces me, tears streaming down her face.

“I’m sorry, Cameron. I thought I could do the whole friend thing, but I just can’t,” she takes a breath and shakes her head. “I have to go.”

“Hayley, wait,” I try to stop her but fail miserably when she evades my grasp.

“No, please just let me go. I need to go home,” she pleads, walking away.

I let her go and watch as she disappears around the corner. What.The.Fuck.Just.Happened? Less than two minutes ago I had her moaning in my arms, kissing me like she needed me, and now, I’m standing alone in a goddamn alley.

I need to fix this, I know that much. But it’s the how that worries me.

Because there’s only one way and that’s to show her what I’m hiding.

•• •• •• •• •• ••

I stare out my bedroom window as the sun comes up. Sleep eluded me last night, even after I spent an hour driving around in circles trying not to think about what happened at the bar. I groan and roll my tired ass out of bed, heading straight for the shower. I didn’t even make it to the pool this morning like I do most Saturdays. I just lay in bed and stared at nothing while thinking about, well, everything. I climb into the shower and while I wish I didn’t have to wash the feint smell of Hayley’s perfume off of me, the hot water is invigorating and gives some life to my weary muscles.

I dress quickly and head downstairs for breakfast. I take a look down the long dark hallway and listen for noises coming from the room at the end. When I’m met with silence, I walk down the staircase towards the kitchen but I stop when I see my mother and my very pregnant sister sitting in the living room. Despite the fact that I’m famished, I walk into our living room and greet them.

“There you are,” my mother says, smiling up at me. “I was beginning to think you were never going to wake up.”

I lean down and kiss her cheek, “Morning, Mom.”

My sister Candice tries to stand up but I stop her. I kiss her on her forehead instead. “Morning, sis. What are you doing here?”

Candice shares a look with my mother, who nods her understanding, and then stands to leave. “Can I make you an omelet for breakfast, Cam?”

I smile, “Please, Mom, that would be great.”

I watch my mother leave and then turn to face my sister. Her auburn hair is piled on top of her head and she’s wearing a blue long sleeve shirt with white linen pants. She’s looking at me strangely, almost studying me. “How is it going?” I ask her. I shift on the sofa to face her and rest my hands on her swollen belly. I feel movement against my hand and my eyes shoot up to Candice's.

“She’s busy,” she giggles. “But the doctor said he’d be surprised if I make it to Thanksgiving next weekend.”

I can hear the excitement in her voice and I can’t stop the grin on my face when I feel the baby kick again.

“I seriously hope you didn’t drive here,” I tell her in all seriousness. Candice is one of the most beautiful pregnant women I have ever seen, but even I can see she’s too big to be driving.

“No, Brett dropped me off. He took Jordan with him to the hardware store and dropped me off here,” she replies.

“Are you here to see mom?” I ask.

“Actually, no, I’m here to see you.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you, little brother. Mom said she’s worried about you.”

I shift and sit back against the sofa. “Mom’s always worried about me.” I roll my eyes, earning a slap on the arm from Candice.

“Seriously,” I continue. “I’m fine, there’s nothing to worry about.”

Candice looks at me through narrowed eyes, thinning her lips. If she was standing she’d have her hands on her hips and I’d be preparing for a lecture. That’s usually what follows after that pose. “You can’t lie to me, little brother. I know you better than you know yourself, so why don’t you try telling me nothing's wrong without being completely dishonest with me.”

I’m about to reply when my mother walks back in carrying my breakfast. She puts it on the living room table and kisses my head before leaving again. She’s definitely not herself today.

“It’s fine,” Candice says, waving her hand at my plate. “Eat. We’ll talk when you’re done.”

I nod and start scoffing down my food. It barely touches sides with how hungry I am. I put the last bite in my mouth and slide my empty plate away, settling back into the sofa.

“So,” Candice starts, breaking the silence. “You want to tell me what’s up with you or do I have to ask what her name is?”

I look at my sister, surprised that she is able to read me so well. A little too well. I frown. “Who told you?”

Candice smiles. “I got a call from Hannah, but all she said was that I should talk to you. Then mom called and, well, here I am.”

Turning my head away, I shove the discomfort in my chest away. I don’t feel like talking, but my sister is pretty damn persistent and I’m sure she’ll find a way to get me to talk.

“What’s her name?” Candice asks.

I sigh, admitting defeat. I never really stood a chance, so why fight the inevitable? My sister and I might be eight years apart, but growing up she was one of my best friends, and she has always been on my side, even the times I was wrong. She’s protected me, given me “important life advice”, as she called it, and seemed to have the ability to keep me together when everything around us, including our family, fell apart.